Favorite Simpsons quotes.

[Mittopotahis]

Now that I have your Attention, Vote 1 Bart Simpson.'
One of the best quotes from the Simpsons ever. What are your favourite simpsons quotes? I also like this one


*rings phone*
Hello? This is Homer Simpson.
When you sold me this house, you forgot to mention one thing. You didn't tell me it was built ON AN INDIAN BURIAL GROUND!!!!
...NO YOU DIDN'T!!!!!
...Well that's not my recollection.
...Alright, Goodbye
*hangs up phone*
He says he mentioned it 5 or 6 times.

[SammieBabe]

Homer to Billy Corgan : "Wow. Thanks to you guys and your gloomy music, my kids have stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide."

[Del Murder]

Homer (on the phone): Mr. Plow, that's my name, that name again is Mr. Plow.
Homer: Oh, you want the Mr. Plow who plows driveways. This is Tony Plow. From Leave it to Beaver.
Homer: Yeah, they were gay.

[Brian The Pink Shark]

Homer: Yes i am the highly suggestable type

--------------------------------

Lisa: it says here we have to feed him plenty of olive oil to ensure a glossy coat
Homer: oh yeah a dog like this you have to feed everyday :choc:

[Tai-Ti]

Homer: someone's a light traveler
Lisa: Maybe you're just getting stronger
Homer: well I have been eating more!

Brad Goodman: We have to change from Human beings, to human doing's, what's next?
Bart: A human going!

Bart: Millhouse likes you
Lisa: oh please, Millhouse likes vasaline on toast.

Uder: Don't make me run, I'm full of chocolate!

there are just to many to name :D

[Loony BoB]

Wiggum: Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

Wiggum: What IS your fascination with my forbidden closet of mysteries?

Ralph: Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a viking!

<a href="http://www.thedotdotdot.com/humor/ralphquotes.html">Actually, there are too many Ralph quotes to really narrow down.</a>


Lionel Hutz: Uh oh, we drew Judge Schneider.
Marge: Is that bad?
Lionel Hutz: Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: Really?!
Lionel Hutz: Well, replace the word 'kinda' with the word 'repeatedly' and the word 'dog' with 'son'...

Moe (After a lie detector test): Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight (lie buzzer) ..a date (lie buzzer) ..dinner with a friend (lie buzzer) ..dinner alone (lie buzzer) ..watching TV alone (lie buzzer) ..All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog.(Lie buzzer) Sears catalog. (ding) Now will you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! (lie buzzer)

Wiggum: Okay, folks, show's over, nothing to see here, show's- Oh, my God! A horrible plane crash! Hey, everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage. Come on crowd around. Crowd around, don't be shy, crowd around.

Homer: When the fire starts to burn, there's a lesson we must learn, something something then you'll see, you'll avoid catastrophe!

Customer: I'd like $2 of gas please.
Apu: That'll be 4.20.

Homer: Hey, Moe, I need your advice.
Moe: Sure.
Homer: Well, you see, I've got this friend, his name is... Joey... Joe Joe... Junior... Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I've ever heard!
(Guy sitting next to Homer gets up, starts crying, and leaves)
Barney: Come back, Joey Joe Joe!
Home: Oh what the hell, it's me.

Apu: Yes, I'm sorry, I do not speak English, ok.
Lady: But you were just talking--
Apu: Yes! Yes! Hot dog! Hot dog! Yes, sir! No, sir! Maybe! Ok!

[Pheesh]

Dr. Nick Riviera: Well if it isn't my old friend mr. McGreg, with a leg for an arm, and an arm for a leg.

Stay Essential
EE

[Shadowflare]

Homer: Canada? Awww, why would we want to leave America to visit America Junior?


there are just to many to name

Too true.

[Jowy]

Otto's Landlord: All you had were a couple of old Psycho magazines and some mustard.
Otto: Whoa. I had mustard?

[Dreddz]

" Hey Maxx Power, Great name "
" Yea, I got it off a hair dryer "

Moments after

" Hey you like Thai "
" Yea, you like shirt "

Simpsons has got some classic quotes, but for some reason I can only remember these crappy ones ....

[Flamethrower]

Homer: It probably that stupid cat.
Marge: That cat saved your life.
Homer: Yeah, but what has he done for me lately?
Marge: He woke you up when you stopped breathing last night.
Homer: <i>[shakes fist in the air]</I> Yeah, but he ate the last can of tuna.
Lisa: Dad, you ate the last can of tuna.
Homer: .....<i>[sadly]</i> Everyone's against me.

[Black Mage FF1]

Homer:

Simpson, Homer Simpson. He's the greatest guy in history. From the, town of springfield. He's about to hit a chess nut tree....AHHHH


Lisa, vampires are make believe. Like elves, gremlins and eskimos.


Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.


Marge: Homer the lord only asks for 2 hours of your time every Sunday (something like that)

Homer: Then he should have made the day two hours longer....lousy lord.


Oh, so they have internet on computers now!


Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.


If he's so smart then how come hes dead?


"Homer,we're gonna ask you a few questions. Do you understand?"

Homer: "Yes"

*Lie detector blows up*


Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if its speed dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."


Homer: I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!


Homer: Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.


Homer: Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?


Homer: Thank you brave clown. In death you saved us all.

Krusty: Im not dead.

Homer: I can still here his voice in the wind.


Homer: Oh lisa, you and your stories. Barts a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now lets go back to that place, where our beds and stuff.....are....at.


Barny: My name is barny and im an alcoholic.

Lisa: Mr. Gumbo this is a girls scout meeting.

Barny: Is it? Or is it that you girls cant admit you have a problem?


Homer: Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers.


*Simpsons trying to figure out how they can save money*

Bart: I'll start smoking and give that up

Homer: Good for you son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things to do. Have a dollar.

Lisa: But he didnt do anything.

Homer: Didnt he lisa? Didnt he? Oh wait, he didnt. *Snatches dollar back*


Homer: Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! (pause) Except the weasel.


Homer: Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.


Homer: Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain what's-his-name? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?


Homer: I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff. And I want in.


Homer: That's it! Being abusive to your family is one thing, but I will not stand by and watch you feed a hungry dog! Go to your room!


Marge: the plant called today, they arent happy you missed work, they said if you dont come in tommorow dont bother coming in on Monday.

Homer: WOO-HOO!! 4 day weekend!!!

[Chris]

Marge: "Homer, that's the worst thing you've ever done!"

Homer: "You say that so often it's lost all meaning."

XD

[raskerino]

Parentheses signify thought.
Homer: That's the best kiss I've had all day (or was it?)
Marge: What are you thinking?
Homer (quickly): Manly thoughts.

Homer: mmmmm... (insert term here)

[Rainecloud]

Homer, Bart and Lisa are attempting to save Springfield from an attack of Zombies that Bart accidentally summoned. Homer gets his gun, and the three Simpsons make their way to the car. Suddenly, a pale-faced, crusty looking Ned Flanders appears...

Flanders: I'm feeling a bit peckish Homer; mind if I chew on your ear?
*Homer shoots Flanders with his revolver*
Bart: Wow, Dad! You killed the zombie Flanders!
Homer: He was a zombie?

Classic.

[kikimm]

Hmm....something about...Jebus.

[Yooniece]

"Knife goes in, guts come out."

[Tai-Ti]

Homer: no matter how good you are at something, there is always at leats a million people better than you!
(a rule that applies to real life!)
Homer: I can't become a missionary, I don't even believe in Jebus

Lisa: Dad, what happened to the back seat?
Homer: I had to sell it for gas money (car stops) WItch i traded for a novelty horn (falls on stearing wheel, and novelty horn plays)

Wiggum: it just disserpe- it's a ghost car! (stops car) you know there are ghost cars all over these highways.
Homer: hold me
Wiggum: only if you hold me.

Wiggum: two female suspects, one has pearls, a green dress and alot of blue hair
Homer: Alot of blue hair! haha, what a freak! (pictures a monster)

School girls: at 7 tonight the games begin, Bart vs Lisa who will win? Their father's fat and their mother's thin, and gandpar simpson reaks of gin!
Gandpar: hey! (sniffs jumper) that's obession for men!

Dr Nick: the thigh bone's conected to the....something, the something's conected to the....red thing, the red thing's conected to my wrist watch.....uh oh.

Mr Burns: oh Smithers, he doesn't even know the meaning of the word gay.

Mr Burns: some men hunt for sport, others hunt for food, the only thing I'm hunting forrrrrrr, is an outfit that lookss gooooooood........
seeeeee. myyyyyy, vest! see my vest! made from real gorilla chest, see this sweater, there's not better, than autheintic irish setter, see this has, twas my cat, evening wear, vampire bat! These white slippers are albino african endangered rhino, grizzly bear, underwear, turturle neck's I've got my share, see a poodle of my noodles it's (something in french) like my red robin suit, it comes one breast or 2, see my vest see my vest see my vest!
Lllllike mmmmmy loafers, former goffers, its wa sthat, or skin my chaufeurs, but a greyhoung fur tuxedo would be besssssst, so lets prepare these dogs (woman: save 2 for matching clogs) see my vest, see my vest, oh PLEASE won't you see my vvveeeeeeessssssstttttttttt!

[OmegaShenron]

Bart: (answering phone) Joe's Taxidermy. You snuff 'em, we stuff 'em!

That would be my favourite :p

[SammieBabe]

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

Grandpa: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three.
P.S. I am not a crackpot

Marge: Grandpa, this flag only has 49 stars on it
Grandpa: I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah!

I love Grandpa...

[Jebus]

Marge: Grandpa, this flag only has 49 stars on it
Grandpa: I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah!

Grandpa just may be the smartest character on the show. :/

One of my favorites:

Ralph: This tastes like grandma.
*Chief Wiggum takes the tomacco and eats some*
Wiggum: You're right! This does taste like grandma.

Good times...

[Light Mage]

#ERROR tone#
The fingers you have used to dial are too fat.
To recieve a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm: Now.

[SammieBabe]

And who could forget....

Mayor Quimby: Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with digging up a corpse?

Mayor Quimby: I stand by my racial slur.

Leonard Nimoy: I think this vessel could do at least warp 5.
Quimby: Yes, and may the force be with you.
Leonard Nimoy: Do you even know who I am?
Quimby: Of course I do. Werent you one of the little rascals.

[Brian The Pink Shark]

[The simpsons are in church]

Homer: Oh boy here comes the collection plate
(Homer puts coupon in the plate)
Marge: 30 cents off Shake n' Bake? HOMER!
Homer: We can spare it Marge, we're blessed.

:choc:

[look_out_below]

Bart playing with a switch blade, Australia episode
Man:"Thats not a knife this is a knife" man pulls out a spoon
Bart: "Thats not a knife thats a spoon"
Man: "I see you've played knifey spoony before"

Kent Brockman: "A bloody end for Homer Simpson...is just one of several possible outcomes according to our computer simulation. Now here is how it would look if the police killed him with a barrage of baseballs."

Homer to Mr. Burns: Go ahead. Call the hounds or the bees or the hounds with the bees in their mouths so that when they bark they shoot bees at you."

Grandpa: "I used to be With IT. But then they changed what IT was. Now what I'm with isn't IT, and what's IT seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to YOU."

Homer: "I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!"

Wiggum: "Lemmie tell you what I tell everyone who comes in here, the police are powerless to help you."

[Dreddz]

Marge : I'd thought we'd discuss when we make big Purchases...
Homer : You bought all those fire alarms without me and we havent had one fire .......

[Loony BoB]

Forgot one of the best ones.

Homer: Hello, My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me...
Post Officer: Okay, Mr. Burns... what is your first name?
Homer: I don't know...

[NeoTifa]

Homer~ "English?! Psh. Who needs that?! I'm never going to England!"

[WonderingBeaner]

I'll go with the most simple of quotes and it came from bart

Eat my shorts and that's all i'm stiking to it...

[Light Mage]

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

[Mythra]

Not sure if this has been said or not
Mr. Burns ~ "Hmmmm, I always thought the blood got off on the third floor..."

[Brian The Pink Shark]

(Lisa's view of the future, she is being innaugurated as President)
Innauguarter Dude: I hereby declare you president of these United...
Reporter: Hold on a second, i just didcovered that a President E-Lect got an F in second grade Gym class
Innaugurater: I hereby sentence you to a lifetime on monster island..dont worry it's just a name
Lisa and other people are running from monsters
Lisa: He said that.. it was just a name
Other Guy: What he meant was that monster Island is actually a peninsula

classic :choc:

[Mr. Bungle]

Reporter: Sir, is your son a communist?
Abraham Simpson: My son is NOT a communist! He may be a pig, a liar, a communist, but he's NOT a PORN-STAR!

[SammieBabe]

I can't believe there are no Sideshow Bob's in here.....

Laywer: Well, what about that tatoo on your chest? Doesn't it say Die, Bart, Die?
Sideshow Bob: No, that's German for 'The Bart, The."
Parole Judge: No one who speaks German can be an evil man! Parole Granted!

Sideshow Bob: Attempted murder, now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?

Sideshow Bob: Because you need me, Springfield. Your guilty conscience may force you to vote Democratic, but deep down inside you secretly long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king. That's why I did this: to protect you from yourselves. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a city to run.
Judge: Bailiffs, place the mayor under arrest.
Sideshow Bob: What? Oh yes, all that stuff I did

Sideshow Bob: Well, if it isn't my arch-nemesis Bart Simpson. And his sister Lisa to whom I'm fairly indifferent.

[Mr. Bungle]

I love the "Die Bart Die", hilarious.

[Project G]

Mmmmm...Something

[Light Mage]

Homer: $20? Aww, I wanted a peanut!
Homer's brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Ooh, 'xplain how!
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services...

[Sasquatch]

Apu: Please do not feed peanuts to my god!

Rev. Lovejoy: ...whether we're Christian, Jewish, or (looks at Apu) ... miscellaneous.
Apu: It's Hindu. There are only eight hundred million of us.

[Light Mage]

D'oh!
A deer!
A female deer!

[Yamaneko]

Sideshow Bob: Urgh. Rakes, my arch-enemy.

Bart: I thought I was your arch-enemy.

Sideshow Bob: I have a life outside of you, Bart.

[eestlinc]

hah, cracking on gags from former episodes!

Smithers: Bobo?
Burns: No, <i>Lobo</i>. They never should have cancelled that show.

or, from the same episode:

Marge: Homer, did you stay up all night eating cheese.
Homer: I think I'm blind.

and also from the same episode:

Giant mechanical bear: WANT TO LIVE! (destruction)

[Blitz Ace]

Moe: Oh so your lookin for a mister Smithers... first name Wayland...?? listen kid when i catch u, im gonna pull out your eyes and shove em down your pants, so you can WATCH me kick the CRAP out of you!!.. then im gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!!!

Moe: hey everybody!! im a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and.. i like to kiss my own butt......... hey

Carl: hey have you heard about this new thing called the internet?? yeh, its this cool inner lining they put inside your boardshorts (or somthin like that)....
Carl: (scared) i think im about to log onto my internet

Lenny: ahhh nuts

Ralph: my dad shoots people!

Coyote: find your sole mate homer...
Homer: but where!!!???
Coyote: this is only your memory... i cant give you any new information

Homer: yelllloooww??
Person: hello Homer... this is God---frey jones, from tv hit show rock bottom...

Duff man: Duff mannn CANT breath...

Lee Carvelho's Putting Challenge:
- Please choose your club... i suggest... Putter
- you chose 1 wood
- The ball.. is in.... the carpark...
- would you like to play again??
- you chose... no.

there are SOOOO many good quotes

[Project G]

Homer: Am I turning you on?
Marge: No
Homer: What if I undo this button?
Homer in deep voice: What if I talk like this?
Homer: What if I sing to you? My love is like a chicken with no bones... Mmmm Chicken

[Brian The Pink Shark]

(Homer has been barred from moes and is searching for a new bar, on his quest he walks into the she-she lounge)

Homer: There's something odd about this place
Homer: I know this lesbian bar doesnt have a fire exit, enjoy your deathtrap ladies
Lesbian: what was her problem

:choc:

[Elite Lord Sigma]

There are two Simpsons quotes I'm adding. I can't remember the exact words though.

Quote 1

Marge: We're going to England whether you like it or not!
Homer: Ok. Hmm...which kind of rifle should I bring?

Quote 2 (From the episode where Marge and Homer describe when they got married)

Homer: I meant to tell you...where is that card...

Homer starts searching around the car. Marge sees a card and picks it up.

Marge (reading the card that Homer wrote): You are the love of my life. You are the best person I have ever met. Will you marry me?

Homer: That's the card, pass it here.

That was classic.

[darklord-25]

ralph: i eated the purple berries...oww ohh

[Vincent, Thunder God]

I posted this on another thread, but here is one of my faves.

I like the scene in "Who shot Mr. Burns" when the Dr. Hibbert says: "We don't know who shot Mr. Burns..." and then he turns, as if to the audience, "DO YOU?"

And then it turns out he's just looking at Police Chief Wiggum. "Well, I'll give it a try, it's my job y'know..."

And also, when Homer says: "We Americans may not be as nice as our goody-two shoes brother Canada..." or something like that.

[Ballistix Man]

Homer: If Bart can have a grafffiti alias so can I* Tags El Homo on the wall " Ahhh"

[Despotus]

Homer~ "English?! Psh. Who needs that?! I'm never going to England!"

Homer on Religion:
"I wish God were alive to see this."

"If God didn't want us to eat animals, then why'd he make them so tasty?"

"If the Bible has taught us anything—which it hasn't—it's that girls should stick to girl's sports like hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing and such and such."

Homer on Life and Family:
"I can't take his money. I can't print my own money. You want me to work for money. Why don't I just lay down and die!"

"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

"My wife's not some doobie to be passed around! I took a vow on our wedding day to bogart her for life."

"I have a great new motivation tecnique, it is donuts, and the possibility of more donuts."

Homer on Beer:
"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."

"Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."

[NeoCracker]

Bart - Theres absolutley no sugar in a pixie stick

[Madame Adequate]

zomg necromancy.

Homer: TRAMAPOLINE! TRAMBAPOLINE! *Sprints out of the kitchen*

[Bart's Friend Milhouse]

Sideshow Bob: Madam, your children are no more... [pause] ...than a pair of
ill-bred troublemakers.
Homer: Lisa too?
Bob: Especially Lisa. But, especially Bart.

later
Homer: Well, I hope Bob fed you, cause I ate your dinners.

[Avathar]

Homer: "SAVE ME, JEBUS!"

Wife: "Now Cletus, why did ya haf to park next to my parents? "
Cletus: "Now, Now, Hun, they're my parents too..."

[Pumpkin0]

Homer: Oh Lisa that's almost as crazy as the time you said beer killed brain cells, now lets go back to ...that thingy..where are...beds ...and tv..is.

(or something like that)

Homer:Ahh, my beer! Oh, you never even had a chance to become my urine!


Flanders: It's like I'm wearing nothing at all... nothing at all... nothing at all...
Homer: Stupid, sexy Flanders!


Marge: *praying*
Psychiatrist: Excuse me, what are you doing?
Marge: I'm praying to God that you won't find me insane.
Psychiatrist: I see, and this "God" is he in this room right now?
Marge: Well, yes, He's pretty much everywhere.
Psychiatrist: *shakes head at other psychiatrist*