Moving Out

[Shaun]

I've had too many problems with my parents, and I've pretty much made up my mind. I have little choice but to move out now. I don't know when it's going to be, but it will likely be in this area if I'm to continue college here and I'm going to have to increase my time at work to at least thirty-six hours (four days, nine hours) but that might not be enough.

By doing this though, I'll likely be jeopardising my future, academically. I'll need college times to be very specific and I won't be able to continue much, or I may not even be able to continue college altogether and then I'd have to find something else.

I get very angry over this. There are loads of daddy's girls who aren't necessarily intelligent, but do well academically because they are spoilt rotten and are always happy. I'm going to have to go right to the bottom of the ladder if I do this, and I'm going to have to find other means of success.

Has anybody else moved out recently, or considered moving out? Doing this will be a big change for me. Everything will change. I don't know if it's DEFINITELY going to happen yet, but I'm very strongly considering it. Do you have any advice for me, be it concerning how I could find a decent place for cheaper, or what I should do about this? Thanks.

p.s. I'd post this in EoEO, but nobody cares about that forum.

[Dell]

I don't suggest you to run. Living with your parent is nice, at least, there are people who loves you. I'm still 14, running out of house is....

[~SapphireStar~]

I had enough and moved into my grandparents house at 17 and I never regretted it. If you could move in with a relative that would be great. But I wouldnt leave if its going to ruin what academic future you have.

[Reine]

I thought about it a few times. But mum and I dont really fight, and I know id be a fool to leave. It all depends what your relationship is with your parents is I guess.

[DeathKnight]

Stay where you are, stop getting ideas. AFTER you finish college/university you CAN move...but before that, just ignore your parents or whatever's bothering you there. Hang out with friends more and such.

[Miriel]

Well first off, I don't think being jealous or angry about spoiled rich kids is gonna do anything to help you. So might as well not think about that kind of stuff.

Second, do you have any money saved up? If you're willing to live in something like a triple, you won't have to spend *that* much money on rent.

[ChexMix]

I fight more with my brother than my parents, but all the same I'm 18 and starting college in the fall and I don't want to stay here any longer either. I'm going to be living in the residence area at my college, so that'd be an option. It's more expensive yeah, but you can add it to your tuition and if you have any money put away for education it can come from that, or you can also look at student loans to pay for it. Then you're right next to your classes and food and everything you'd need. Plus you make lots of friends there.

If you didn't want to live on campus or can't for whatever reason, I think some places will give student loans to pay for rent at an apartment for you to go to school. I'm not sure on that one, though.

I know everybody wants to avoid debt as much as they can. It's a lot of money to have to pay back, but once you complete college you'll get a better job and make more money so it won't be as hard to pay back. I don't suggest quitting college just to get away from your parents, and trying to hold down a full time job and also go to school would be nearly impossible! You need your education.

Good luck! :)

[Hambone]

I'm gonna move out in just 7 more years!

[Eminem's_No.1_Fan]

I'm moving abroad as soon as i turn 18. Aslong as i can afford it.

[Mitch]

When you move out you appreciate your parents (and food) more, so maybe it is a good idea to move out, just for the sake of getting along with your parents better.

As for the whole education thing, i dunno what the deal is with university over there, but here you get a student loan (not much) and generally move into a student hostel for your first year at uni. Hostels are awesome and I coudln't ask for more from mine (actually I could) and you can still work to get extra money.

[Xaven]

See if any of your friends want to hook up and share rent at an apartment. That's what my sister's doing.

[Shaun]

Sorry if I sound REALLY agitated. :mad: This is the THIRD time I've had to type this up because Internet Explorer and Windows are fucktards. Sorry I haven't replied to everyone's post either. I might get 'round to that later but I'm a bit hacked off right now.


I don't suggest you to run. Living with your parent is nice, at least, there are people who loves you. I'm still 14, running out of house is....

Thanks, but my parents don't love me. Quite the opposite actually. I don't think my relatives do either. And I have lost contact with any friends I had. I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.


I had enough and moved into my grandparents house at 17 and I never regretted it. If you could move in with a relative that would be great. But I wouldnt leave if its going to ruin what academic future you have.

I guess academic success isn't the only success...


I thought about it a few times. But mum and I dont really fight, and I know id be a fool to leave. It all depends what your relationship is with your parents is I guess.

Terrible.


Stay where you are, stop getting ideas. AFTER you finish college/university you CAN move...but before that, just ignore your parents or whatever's bothering you there. Hang out with friends more and such.

My parents wouldn't pay for uni anyway...


Second, do you have any money saved up? If you're willing to live in something like a triple, you won't have to spend *that* much money on rent.

None. I get £450 a month but I've kept spending it quickly. I guess I should save it from now on.


I fight more with my brother than my parents, but all the same I'm 18 and starting college in the fall and I don't want to stay here any longer either. I'm going to be living in the residence area at my college, so that'd be an option. It's more expensive yeah, but you can add it to your tuition and if you have any money put away for education it can come from that, or you can also look at student loans to pay for it. Then you're right next to your classes and food and everything you'd need. Plus you make lots of friends there.

If you didn't want to live on campus or can't for whatever reason, I think some places will give student loans to pay for rent at an apartment for you to go to school. I'm not sure on that one, though.

I know everybody wants to avoid debt as much as they can. It's a lot of money to have to pay back, but once you complete college you'll get a better job and make more money so it won't be as hard to pay back. I don't suggest quitting college just to get away from your parents, and trying to hold down a full time job and also go to school would be nearly impossible! You need your education.

Good luck! :)

Thanks for your reply. Things are different over here in England though. Our university is your college. I doubt I'll even be going university anyway because my parents would never pay... Looks like I may have to just live an average life.


When you move out you appreciate your parents (and food) more, so maybe it is a good idea to move out, just for the sake of getting along with your parents better.

As for the whole education thing, i dunno what the deal is with university over there, but here you get a student loan (not much) and generally move into a student hostel for your first year at uni. Hostels are awesome and I coudln't ask for more from mine (actually I could) and you can still work to get extra money.

I don't know about hostels. I'd probably prefer to be alone, unless it was with like-minded people. I'm not very good at getting on with people who I'm unsure of. Not that I have anything against people in a hostel, because I'm sure there's plenty of decent people there. It's just that I personally have a problem with trust.


See if any of your friends want to hook up and share rent at an apartment. That's what my sister's doing.

Thanks, but I've lost contact with almost all of my friends. There's a guy I see sometimes who actually suggested this idea, but he's unreliable beyond words. I'd end up on the streets if I'd choose to live with him.

[Loony BoB]

For a start, if you're 17, there is no way you're going to live alone. Not a chance. Unless you're extremely rich - £450 doesn't cut it. I live alone, and I barely get by despite the fact that I make over double that number AFTER tax.

One thing you must respect before you consider moving out is how much it costs to live. You can't know this until you actually pay for all of your own expenses, and you should never, ever consider doing such a thing on your own the first time around. I was lucky in that I could move in with my Mum - I learned because I paid 50% of EVERYTHING. Mum taught me what the cost of living really is. It's only because I managed to get a full time job and a hefty raise within the first two years that I was able to continue living in this flat when Mum moved out. Think somewhere around a £14,000 salary at a minimum if you want to live alone. Keep in mind, that's a secure job you need. You can't afford to lose a job when you live alone, that's for sure.

Now that's out of the way...

I'm not sure on what I'd suggest. How exactly is your family negatively impacting your life? Sometimes it's better to just put up with it - it all depends on whether or not you're talking something being a pain or a hassle, or if you're actually talking about serious stuff. You shouldn't move out if you simply don't like house rules or something. It's not worth it.

However, if you've made up your mind, or if there are serious issues going on...

The first thing you need to do is figure out how much it will cost to move somewhere. £450 a month will do you fine for a flatting arrangement - or at least, it will if you manage your money right and aren't too picky with where you're moving into. You should always keep enough money available to yourself to live without any pay for at least one month, preferrably three if you haven't got a full time job just yet. Keep in mind you'll need to pay a bond if you're flatting, too. Figure out EVERY cost. There will probably be more than you think, and things will probably cost you more than you think. Overestimate, it's healthy in this kind of position.

Gas, electricity, TV licence, phone (landline and/or mobile), internet, transport, the odd bit of clothing, food, bathroom & cleaning products, sometimes there will be payments for things such as stair cleaning in flat arrangements, council tax will hit you hard. A suit, if you want a decent enough job, will be vital - include at least five shirts and five ties. Optician and dentist bills will come up once in a blue moon, too. The odd repair/upgrade for your PC, possibly.

People tend to think 'food and rent' and suffer badly. Don't be like that. Food and rent are just the beginning. If I only had to pay food and rent, I'd probably be rich!

Leaving your family means more than leaving a lifestyle. It means leaving a lot of things that you take for granted. This is something I know very well. The stress of money management is so far greater than any stress any family member has ever caused me, let alone any person in this world, actually.

But if you make it, good on ya. Just don't think of it as getting away from your family, because it's not like that. It's awesome when it works, the freedom is fantastic, and I'm glad I moved out when I was 18 and started working full time rather than going to Uni. Never regretted it. However, I didn't think of it as getting away from anything, I thought of it as going to another level of life, so to speak. Stepping up. Because you will have to step up in a big way. Think of it as heading into a very high-cost (because relatively it will be completely insane in costs, you simply can't grasp just how much money you can make when you aren't paying for rent/food/etc until you beging paying for those things), high-responsibility world. Don't leave looking back by thinking "I want to leave, I can't stand this." Leave looking forward by thinking "I'm prepared and ready for this, I know what I'm getting into." Because if you don't think that way, you'll end up back with the parents a few months or a year or so later.

[Shaun]

Thanks for your reply BoB, you raised some very good points and I appreciate it a lot.

However, you missed out one vital thing that I said. I said that I intend to work thirty-six hours. When I'm earning far more, at eighteen (October), doing thirty-six hours I'd earn... *gets calculator*...

Over £200 a week, and £800 a month (I'm paid monthly at my current job). That much better? Though, that said, I may do over thirty-six hours. But this is the part where college is affected. I don't know how I could possibly maintain this many hours and college at the same time. Of course, it wouldn't be 'full-time' college, but... hmm.

I'm not really leaving for any purpose of rebellion - though I know that isn't what you suggested. I know I'm sorta leaving because 'I can't stand it', but everything's putting me down right now and I really need a fresh start. I'll certainly look into what you said. I don't know how I'm going to work so many hours and do college, but I'm prepared to do enough hours to not have to live in a total dump. I just need to wait to see if my job at Sainsbury's is permanent.

I'd say more on this but I'm in a noisy environment and I can't think straight. Thanks for your advice; it's been - and is going to be - very helpful indeed.

[Loony BoB]

Just don't expect £800 a month to be enough to live a nice life alone. However, you might be able to get a decent two-person flatting arrangement going, which would be my #1 suggestion while you're still in the first one or two years of paying for you livelihood. The real good stuff, like living alone, comes when you have the money to do so, and only then. £800 a month - before or after tax? If it's before, forget about it. £9,600 a year won't get you anywhere if you're living alone, unless you guys have much cheaper stuff where you are. :p

[Shaun]

Well, this is the north-west of England! ;) I've still got to venture into the two-person idea yet. Hmm... I just don't know what to do. It's so expensive. I've got two choices... Continue this charade, living with my parents, and never get happy, or destroy my academic life and work many hours at Sainsbury's instead...

Or I could see if any other options emerge in the future, but I don't know. I'll look into it more. Thanks though; you've given me a clearer view of what lies ahead.

[Loony BoB]

You can get happy, it just might not be as soon as you like. Of course, you can be very unhappy no matter how well off you are in your own home, I assure you. I do understand where you're coming from, though. Just figure out if your happiness is really being controlled by your family or not.

[fire_of_avalon]

Just figure out if your happiness is really being controlled by your family or not.
Best advice in this entire thread.

[Moon Rabbits]

Just figure out if your happiness is really being controlled by your family or not.
Best advice in this entire thread.

Qft.

[Miriel]

BoB gave a lot of great advice, and I honestly think that you should just suck it up and stay with your family.

But um, what 17 year old with little money expects to live alone? That is one bizarre 17 year old. That isn't even close to a reasonable expectation, so I doubt that most teenagers looking to go out on their own would expect something like that.

When I went off to college, the first year I lived with 7 other girls. 7! And this second year I split a 2 bedroom apartment with 3 other girls. So yeah, if a 17 year old looked at me and told me that they wanted to live alone, I would laugh at them.

Shaun, you don't expect to live on your own do you? I mean, if you really want to do this, I wouldn't expect to live anywhere with less than 2 other roommates.

[Shaun]

Just figure out if your happiness is really being controlled by your family or not.

I believe in many cases it is, but, I just really need a fresh start.

And Miriel, I'd be perfectly happy living on my own. It's no different to how it is now. I'm all alone now, except the presence of my parents which isn't a good one. If you're talking about the money being the issue, well, I don't know. I would have thought that about £800 would be enough for a month's rent, food, bills, tax, everything BoB listed. Like he suggested though, I'd look into it.

[Loony BoB]

£800 a month before tax = No chance in Hell that it'll be enough for a one person flat.
£800 a month after tax = You're really pushing it, even then.

[Shaun]

Well, I need time to think this through. If I were to go ahead with this thirty-six hours, AND push in some college, here would be the week's plan (at a guess):

- Monday: Work, nine hours.
- Tuesday: College.
- Wednesday: Work, nine hours.
- Thursday: College.
- Friday: Work, nine hours.
- Saturday: Free day.
- Sunday: Work, nine hours.

What am I expected to do? Give up Saturday too? That's pretty unjust. I also believe that it wouldn't be as expensive over here than where you're at, BoB. But yeah, maybe I am getting the wrong end of the stick. I really want to change my life for the better but it seems that I can do nothing about it.

[Loony BoB]

Dude, I make over £16,000 and struggle. That's something like £900-1000 per month, AFTER tax. This is Scotland, too. England is well known as the more expensive place to live. Do you live in a ghost town around Orkney or something? I didn't know they had ghost towns around Orkney, but I imagine that might be a cheaper place to live.

EDIT: Have you even researched how much wou will make after tax and how much it costs to get a one-person flat in your area?

EDIT: As for changing your life for the better, a lot of that can be done without moving, and I'm pretty sure it's up to you to get the mentality to do it. Happiness is largely how you react to things and how well you manage in a hard situation. If I didn't make the choice to be happy, I would be a very depressing person. Living alone means little if you don't have the mentality to take on a stressful or horrible situation and just deal with it.

[Shaun]

My happiness is nothing to do with my mentality. It's others' low mentality that's often causing my depression, actually. So, yes, it is to do with mentality, but not my mentality. I haven't researched into anything because I haven't found the time or the resources to do it, but I intend to find out in the future.

How am I supposed to have a positive reaction to anything when everybody's putting me down? If somebody calls you a dickwad, do you say, 'Hey, thanks'? Okay, that was just an example, but I have just about nothing to react positively to in my current life, hence my depression. I can't even think straight. I'm supposed to be doing work in lesson right now, but I can't think at all. I think my large amount of hours at work (for a student) is the cause of this.

[Loony BoB]

I learned to ignore petty insults, personally.

You don't have to care about my opinion, but I will say that going to get a flat before you have secured the income to support it is a massive mistake, particularly when you are depressed in any way.

It makes me think that you're jumping onto a platform above a deep hole when you don't know if the platform will support you - and you have nobody to throw you a rope if you fall down. One should always test the platform's strength and have someone around to throw them a rope if need be. That's why you have to start off with a flatmate, at least for a short time while you learn about the ups and downs of paying for your lifestyle.

I'm not trying to put you off, I'm just telling you how it is, because if you don't accept such things then you will fail. Horribly.

EDIT: It's also notable that if you're struggling to do your lessons because of the large amount of work you're doing, and you intend on doing more work to get this flatting situation, that you're going in the wrong direction.

[Shaun]

That's a good idea - for most people. I just really feel I need to know somebody before I do something like that. Moving into a flat with some random person I don't know at all is not something I would be very comfortable with.

[Loony BoB]

That's a good idea - for most people. I just really feel I need to know somebody before I do something like that. Moving into a flat with some random person I don't know at all is not something I would be very comfortable with.
As someone who has known someone before moving in with them, I can tell you now that unless you're in a relationship with them, you knowing them will mean nothing once you start flatting together. It's a big mistake that I made and I can't think of many friends that I would ever let flat with me ever again because of it.

But no, don't just get some random person. Flatmates should interview each other to get an idea of what things are like.

I think you're trying to get out of the frying pan and into Heaven or something. It doesn't work like that. If you want something better, accept the fact that you may actually not find something perfect. Accept the fact that you may not even get along with your flatmate a lot of the time. But so long as you respect each other you should be okay. But you will have to make sacrifices to suit them just as they will to suit you, and this is all part of growing up and living in the real world.

They might insult you from time to time. You'll fight once in a while. But if your family is really so bad that a person with knowledge on what the real world is actually like would not live with them, then a flatmate will be better. Nothing close to perfect, but a step in the right direction. And you should find it much better in comparison with your family.

But if you think that getting a flatmate that you hardly know will be no better than living in your current arrangement then you may as well continue living in your current arrangement until you are happy that you have a job which is definitely secure and will definitely provide you with MORE than the money you feel will be required to pay off all your potential bills.

Summary: If it's really that bad at home, then you shouldn't be worrying about living with a random stranger in a flat. If you are worried about that, then maybe your family isn't as bad as you say they are.

[Christmas]

.

I think you're trying to get out of the frying pan and into Heaven or something. It doesn't work like that. If you want something better, accept the fact that you may actually not find something perfect. Accept the fact that you may not even get along with your flatmate a lot of the time. But so long as you respect each other you should be okay. But you will have to make sacrifices to suit them just as they will to suit you, and this is all part of growing up and living in the real world.

Ya. I spend most of time at my ship living with my cabin mates. Respecting or TOLERATING each other is a must must especially when you have to spend a lengthy amount of time with them and they are the nearest help you can get when you need it.


They might insult you from time to time. You'll fight once in a while. But if your family is really so bad that a person with knowledge on what the real world is actually like would not live with them, then a flatmate will be better. Nothing close to perfect, but a step in the right direction. And you should find it much better in comparison with your family.


Strangely, I never quarrel or fight with any of them and we got along pretty well for more than a year already. Maybe it is different for you guys.


But if you think that getting a flatmate that you hardly know will be no better than living in your current arrangement then you may as well continue living in your current arrangement until you are happy that you have a job which is definitely secure and will definitely provide you with MORE than the money you feel will be required to pay off all your potential bills.

Summary: If it's really that bad at home, then you shouldn't be worrying about living with a random stranger in a flat. If you are worried about that, then maybe your family isn't as bad as you say they are.

For me, I dun have a choice. My life belong to the military. But I should say I eventually did miss my home and family even though I am living happily with a group of random strangers that turned into good friends.

[Levian]

BoBBo pretty much covered my views. Either way, here's what I'm gonna do:

I'm moving out in 30 days to another town so I can go to university. I'll be 20 then, and I'm going to get a loan, which gives me $950 each month, $400 goes to rent. I'll probably get a job on the side, working one or two nights a week.

[Shaun]

I don't want perfection. I just think you're finding it hard to see if from my perspective. You'd understand if I told you more about my life, but some of the issues are so sensitive that I'll only ever keep them to myself; I won't even tell people on the Internet about them.

That aside, I'm not quite sure what I want now. My parents are more-or-less saying they're going to kick me out soon, so I'd rather be the one to say something akin to: "You can't fire me; I quit!" Don't get the wrong idea though. My parents aren't exactly making me happy, but they aren't the only thing that's getting me down at the moment. There's a lot I need to change about myself.

I honestly don't know what's going to happen anytime soon because my mind is racing through a thousand thoughts. I've got so many choices to make, and so much pressure is upon me. Sometimes I feel like my mind's just going to explode... I guess I'd be best waiting until some of the pressure dies (it'll be easier when it's the holidays) and see about this then. I just can't live this life as it is. I don't feel happy - at all. It's the opposite. I need a drastic change.

[Loony BoB]

And I'm not saying "don't move out". I'm saying "if you move out, get a flatmate arrangement" because that's the sensible thing to do. Expecting any better will be a mistake on your part.

[starseeker]

I don't suppose you could apply for a council flat?

[Miriel]

And Miriel, I'd be perfectly happy living on my own. It's no different to how it is now. I'm all alone now, except the presence of my parents which isn't a good one. If you're talking about the money being the issue, well, I don't know. I would have thought that about £800 would be enough for a month's rent, food, bills, tax, everything BoB listed. Like he suggested though, I'd look into it.
I wasn't asking if you'd be happy living alone. I'm sure most people would be very happy to have their own place. What I was asking was that you couldn't possibly expect to live alone, can you? I mean that is one astounding expectation for someone with limited financial resources.


That's a good idea - for most people. I just really feel I need to know somebody before I do something like that. Moving into a flat with some random person I don't know at all is not something I would be very comfortable with.
If it's a choice between, you know, surviving out there in the real world and being comfortable with living with a stranger, I would think you would choose to survive.

I honestly think that you have some crazy and unreasonable expectations about this whole situation.

Single apartments here go from anywhere between $600 (for the really crappy places. REALLY crappy) to $1500 (for a reasonable place) a month. That's not counting utilities. Or food. Or any other living expenses. How do you expect to live on your own with only £800? That doesn't seem to be nearly enough unless you are literally gonna be in some hole-in-the-wall place in which case you *might* get by.

But even then it would be very hard for you. Getting a roommate or two would cut your rent down in half or even more. I don't understand how you can be wanting to moveout without expecting roommates. It's bizarre to me.

[XxSephirothxX]

As Miriel just said, I think you're being unreasonable. Do you deserve happiness, your own place, and, as you've repeatedly said, a drastic change? Sure. But this is life, and you're not going to get what you want just because you deserve it. You're smart enough to know that, but you sure don't seem to want to believe it.

I read an article in a magazine a week ago about a man working a full-time job here in the US who didn't make enough money to buy furniture for his tiny apartment, if you could call it that--it was a dingy room with a mattress and his meager belongings. My point is, trying to go to school and are looking for a way to survive on your own with money from a part time job just isn't going to work.

I think you have two choices here. 1) Suck it up and stay at home. Work at losing your depression; find a way to conjure up a positive attitude. Obviously it's not easy. It's something I have trouble with, and I probably don't have as tough a life as you do. Of course, I don't know the complexities of your situation, and maybe it's really so bad you shouldn't stay at home anymore. If it's really that bad, then go with number two. 2) Move out, and find one or two or three roommates. If you really want to get away from the people and things troubling you and honestly believe that a new home will fix your problems, you're going to have to be willing to overcome things that make you uncomfortable. You're looking for a rosy, happy end that'll somehow get you in your own place by yourself, and that's just not going to work.

The only other thing I can think of is moving in with another friend or relative, but I don't know if you have any you're close enough to. But if you're deadset on moving out, then it's almost a certainty you're going to need roommates; one way or the other, you better make some friends fast.

[boris no no]

Ok seriously, the best advise given here is from BoB and Mirial, people that have moved out and know what its like. You should listen to them.
So right, you cannot stand home life. But do you pay rent there? or anything towards living? How would you know what its like living alone if you havn't even paid keep with your parents? Now I'm pretty sure my life at homes not all that great, mum left leaving me and my dad with a less then 10,000 a year job. So I've ended up having to pay a lot to help out and stuff, its not a lot of fun and I've gotten very depressed about the situation. But you know what I do? I get on with it. Life can be crap but come on, you're 17. In my eye thats too young to be thinking about moving. Plus you won't even be paid very much at that age, as it'll only be minimum wage. IF you want to make it on your own I suggest that you wait until you get paid more per hour.
Also, the whole "I can't go to uni because my parents won't pay for it"....thats bull poo. I don't get a penny from my parents and I'm about to start my third year. Theres a wonderful thing called a student loan.
If you don't want to go to uni then why are you still at college? Sounding rude yes I apoligise but if you're gonna stay at a job in somewhere like Sainsburys surelt an A-level or BTEC is not gonna matter too much. If you're SERIOUSLY thinking about moving out quit college and get a job where you're woking at least 45 hours a week. On a kinda different point though all students in the UK don't pay tax if you're a full time student and you work less then 38 hours a week ^^ but saying that working less then 40 hours a week is not gonna pay for moving out

SO at the enbd of this I say! Stay at home, at least until you're 18 or 19. SAVE UP. There ain't no point moving out if you cannot even pay for next months rent (most places will demand at less a months rent up front AND then the month following. So the first month may be double) So you more then likely need at least 800-1000 pounds saved up.
Really decide if you want to go to uni or not. If you move out and then suddenly want to go you're screwed. This is the rest of your life, don't make a rash decision because you argue with your family, its not worth it.

Saying all this I'm moving out in less then a month, luckely into my mums house as she actually has money and is buggering off to Scotland. I will not pay rent until I leave uni but I will still need to pay for everything else. I predict I'll need about 500 pounds a month to keep the house going (Its reasonable sized) and me still traveling to uni. Its gonna be expensive, very expensive.

[Levian]

http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/21/withdad.jpg
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Are you sure it's so bad that you want to move out? It can't be that bad if you can hug them or hold them in a pic. I mean, my mom, dad and I have a good relationship and I live at home, but I can't remember the last time I hugged any of them.

[Yuna-Lenne]

Messege from Shaun. He cannot access the Internet at this time but he'll reply as soon as possible.

[ZeZipster]

Get used to eating Top Ramen.

[Delicate Devotion]

Um Well I moved outta home 1 month after my 15th birthday I've only rencently come to reside back at my mothers.

Living outta home could possible kill you but you get use to eating less and walking more. I survied quite well on 160 $ a week ( although I'm in australia ) I had to pay rent, public transport to get work, food and I had 2 cats as well I had too look after by the end of that list I still had 10 $ left over each week which I saved. so basicly it just matters if your determined enough to let go of all luxury. Always hunt down the cheapest thing possibl I guess.

But I never regreted moving out it's just what I needed I love inderpendts. So I guess if your willing to give up things ( like the internet ) you shouldn't have much of a problem just much sure you always earn more than you spend and save the rest for a rainy day.
It will effect your furture think stressing that you think long and hard about the money thou.

[Shaun]

And I'm not saying "don't move out". I'm saying "if you move out, get a flatmate arrangement" because that's the sensible thing to do. Expecting any better will be a mistake on your part.

I'll see...


I don't suppose you could apply for a council flat?

Hmm. Maybe, but I wouldn't want to live like my sister did. She had everything paid for and lay on her ass all day, doing nothing.


I wasn't asking if you'd be happy living alone. I'm sure most people would be very happy to have their own place. What I was asking was that you couldn't possibly expect to live alone, can you? I mean that is one astounding expectation for someone with limited financial resources.

True.



I honestly think that you have some crazy and unreasonable expectations about this whole situation.

Single apartments here go from anywhere between $600 (for the really crappy places. REALLY crappy) to $1500 (for a reasonable place) a month. That's not counting utilities. Or food. Or any other living expenses. How do you expect to live on your own with only £800? That doesn't seem to be nearly enough unless you are literally gonna be in some hole-in-the-wall place in which case you *might* get by.

But even then it would be very hard for you. Getting a roommate or two would cut your rent down in half or even more. I don't understand how you can be wanting to moveout without expecting roommates. It's bizarre to me.

Like I said, I have a problem with trust. Nothin' else to it.



As Miriel just said, I think you're being unreasonable. Do you deserve happiness, your own place, and, as you've repeatedly said, a drastic change? Sure. But this is life, and you're not going to get what you want just because you deserve it. You're smart enough to know that, but you sure don't seem to want to believe it.

I read an article in a magazine a week ago about a man working a full-time job here in the US who didn't make enough money to buy furniture for his tiny apartment, if you could call it that--it was a dingy room with a mattress and his meager belongings. My point is, trying to go to school and are looking for a way to survive on your own with money from a part time job just isn't going to work.

I think you have two choices here. 1) Suck it up and stay at home. Work at losing your depression; find a way to conjure up a positive attitude. Obviously it's not easy. It's something I have trouble with, and I probably don't have as tough a life as you do. Of course, I don't know the complexities of your situation, and maybe it's really so bad you shouldn't stay at home anymore. If it's really that bad, then go with number two. 2) Move out, and find one or two or three roommates. If you really want to get away from the people and things troubling you and honestly believe that a new home will fix your problems, you're going to have to be willing to overcome things that make you uncomfortable. You're looking for a rosy, happy end that'll somehow get you in your own place by yourself, and that's just not going to work.

The only other thing I can think of is moving in with another friend or relative, but I don't know if you have any you're close enough to. But if you're deadset on moving out, then it's almost a certainty you're going to need roommates; one way or the other, you better make some friends fast.

So it seems whatever the outcome, I won't gain any form of happiness. I guess you've made some good points. I've been thinking. Perhaps if I stayed at home after all, I could go on a holiday very often with the money I'm earning from my job. Then I'd be able to get away... just for a bit. Holidays are only temporary pleasure though. I'd still have to return to this life, where everything I do is for somebody else's sake.


Ok seriously, the best advise given here is from BoB and Mirial, people that have moved out and know what its like. You should listen to them.
So right, you cannot stand home life. But do you pay rent there? or anything towards living? How would you know what its like living alone if you havn't even paid keep with your parents? Now I'm pretty sure my life at homes not all that great, mum left leaving me and my dad with a less then 10,000 a year job. So I've ended up having to pay a lot to help out and stuff, its not a lot of fun and I've gotten very depressed about the situation. But you know what I do? I get on with it. Life can be crap but come on, you're 17. In my eye thats too young to be thinking about moving. Plus you won't even be paid very much at that age, as it'll only be minimum wage. IF you want to make it on your own I suggest that you wait until you get paid more per hour.
Also, the whole "I can't go to uni because my parents won't pay for it"....thats bull poo. I don't get a penny from my parents and I'm about to start my third year. Theres a wonderful thing called a student loan.
If you don't want to go to uni then why are you still at college? Sounding rude yes I apoligise but if you're gonna stay at a job in somewhere like Sainsburys surelt an A-level or BTEC is not gonna matter too much. If you're SERIOUSLY thinking about moving out quit college and get a job where you're woking at least 45 hours a week. On a kinda different point though all students in the UK don't pay tax if you're a full time student and you work less then 38 hours a week ^^ but saying that working less then 40 hours a week is not gonna pay for moving out

SO at the enbd of this I say! Stay at home, at least until you're 18 or 19. SAVE UP. There ain't no point moving out if you cannot even pay for next months rent (most places will demand at less a months rent up front AND then the month following. So the first month may be double) So you more then likely need at least 800-1000 pounds saved up.
Really decide if you want to go to uni or not. If you move out and then suddenly want to go you're screwed. This is the rest of your life, don't make a rash decision because you argue with your family, its not worth it.

Saying all this I'm moving out in less then a month, luckely into my mums house as she actually has money and is buggering off to Scotland. I will not pay rent until I leave uni but I will still need to pay for everything else. I predict I'll need about 500 pounds a month to keep the house going (Its reasonable sized) and me still traveling to uni. Its gonna be expensive, very expensive.

Actually, I do pay board. I fortunately don't have to pay as much as my sister did, but I still have to. You've made some good points though. If I do move out and eradicate any further education, then - not only my A-Levels - but most of my GCSEs will mean nothing.

I don't want to give up on my education. I'm going to an induction day tomorrow, to see whether a fresh start at college would be worthwhile - looking at Law, English Language, GCSE Japanese, Graphic Design and Philosophy.

I guess that ONE of my causes of depression (albeit, a minor cause) has been my academic expectations. I just jumped straight into college at the start of this year without finding out what the subjects I was taking would involve. This caused some big problems, including dropping an A-Level, and failing another, leaving me with one A-Level standing. Maybe if I plan it out for next year it will be better...

How the heck does student loan work anyway? If I were to succeed next year, would it even be possible to go to a decent university using this student loan you speak of?



http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/21/withdad.jpg
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Are you sure it's so bad that you want to move out? It can't be that bad if you can hug them or hold them in a pic. I mean, my mom, dad and I have a good relationship and I live at home, but I can't remember the last time I hugged any of them.

Levian, do keep in mind that these photos were a few years old. I was never close with my parents. I started hating my Dad a while back actually. There was the time he almost killed my sister by strangling her - when the social services got involved, and then there were the numerous times when he called me these names... Personal names.

Thanks, but things have changed a lot since and my relationship with my parents is pretty shakey.



Get used to eating Top Ramen.

I just looked it up on Google. What the hell is it... ready to eat food?


Um Well I moved outta home 1 month after my 15th birthday I've only rencently come to reside back at my mothers.

Living outta home could possible kill you but you get use to eating less and walking more. I survied quite well on 160 $ a week ( although I'm in australia ) I had to pay rent, public transport to get work, food and I had 2 cats as well I had too look after by the end of that list I still had 10 $ left over each week which I saved. so basicly it just matters if your determined enough to let go of all luxury. Always hunt down the cheapest thing possibl I guess.

But I never regreted moving out it's just what I needed I love inderpendts. So I guess if your willing to give up things ( like the internet ) you shouldn't have much of a problem just much sure you always earn more than you spend and save the rest for a rainy day.
It will effect your furture think stressing that you think long and hard about the money thou.

Eating less sounds fine to me. And yeah, I've only really been spending my job money on material objects... They're fun while they last, but I'd rather spend my money on something useful. Also, I don't have an Internet connection at home! Nothing to lose there! But you do make it seem difficult...

[blue phoenix]

ive thought abpout leaving, and have done. But theres no real way to sustain yourself.Someone said youre 17, im also 17 and its t this point i just think to myself "one more year, just one more to go. After that ill leave and itll be on good terms (probably). Ive no idea about your domestic situation, but unless its outright physical abuse, id severely suggest staying. At least when youre 18 you can earn the minimum wage.

Me personally? im quite smart so im going to uni, after my time in schools up and i think it will be me paying for at least the vast majority of the costs ie Tuition fees etc (my parents say they wnt pay a penny- i dont know if there serious). Then im going to share a flat with at least one other friend to cut the rent.

I have my moments with my parents, sometimes theyre ok, and others unbearable. Is that like you? is this just a bad phase or permanent?

[Shaun]

It's permanent, but it tends to be arguing. There hasn't really been any abuse since the social services was involved (I think my Dad was informed about going to jail for abuse, so he stopped). It wasn't really bad abuse as opposed to what I've heard from others though.

I don't know what I'm going to do yet. It's going to take a lot of thinking.

[blue phoenix]

I'd still have to return to this life, where everything I do is for somebody else's sake.

Welcome to capitalism, no matter what you do, itll always be like that.

sorry for the double post. if it is physical abuse then you can get help from childrens charities, who would give you free accomodation, however your domestic situation would have to be terribly bad to even attempt this as it would burn all bridges with your parents for good.

If youre being mentally put down, try to avoid it, although it doesnt always work. I used to be a good public speaker, however i soon learned that every time i opened my mouth to argue i would just get in trouble more, no matter how right i was..so i learnt to just not say a word, i was also bullied in school which had the same effect. i dont like the change, but im gradually getting my old self back, by just rising above it.

as for happiness, my lifes not great. ive been bullied etc and gave up on women a long time ago, and as a romantic type person it annoys me, as i sit and think, especially of this one girl- one who did actually love me. but enough of that. If financial worry was put on top of this i couldnt cope, luckily it isnt yet. Getting a new apartment at 17 wont be a clean break, its highly likely itll be a start of a slippery slope, because you dont have the finances. And thatll just be another worry.

in short, i dont know your full background, but id recommend sticking it out as long as possible and continuing your education till you at least finish college (College is 16-18 in england right?)

[ZeZipster]

Get used to eating Top Ramen.

I just looked it up on Google. What the hell is it... ready to eat food?


Ramen is really, really cheap noodles. You get them freeze-dried in little bags. They might be called something else where you live, I know up north people call them Oodles of Noodles. But yeah they're like dirt cheap usually around 30-50 cents (idk how much that is in any other currency) a bag.

Amazon.com actually has some for 33 cents.

[Jimmy Dark Aeons Slayer]

Don´t forget your origins i think that when you don´t have any good job or don´t have any money source you shouldn´t leave your parents house.

Go to university or try to find a job before doing this i think that unless your like a 30 year old guy with no job and who doens´t do anything for a living then you should be thrown out!!!

But if you work and stuff then your parents have to be pretty bad to say "Don´t you think it´s time to go..."

[Shaun]

Welcome to capitalism, no matter what you do, itll always be like that.

sorry for the double post. if it is physical abuse then you can get help from childrens charities, who would give you free accomodation, however your domestic situation would have to be terribly bad to even attempt this as it would burn all bridges with your parents for good.

Yes, I doubt I'd go to that level.



If financial worry was put on top of this i couldnt cope, luckily it isnt yet. Getting a new apartment at 17 wont be a clean break, its highly likely itll be a start of a slippery slope, because you dont have the finances. And thatll just be another worry.

in short, i dont know your full background, but id recommend sticking it out as long as possible and continuing your education till you at least finish college (College is 16-18 in england right?)

Maybe. And yeah, college is sixteen to eighteen. I've seen several cases of people younger than me living on their own though. I don't see how it isn't a possibility.



Ramen is really, really cheap noodles. You get them freeze-dried in little bags. They might be called something else where you live, I know up north people call them Oodles of Noodles. But yeah they're like dirt cheap usually around 30-50 cents (idk how much that is in any other currency) a bag.

Amazon.com actually has some for 33 cents.

I'm English! ;)


Don´t forget your origins i think that when you don´t have any good job or don´t have any money source you shouldn´t leave your parents house.

Go to university or try to find a job before doing this i think that unless your like a 30 year old guy with no job and who doens´t do anything for a living then you should be thrown out!!!

But if you work and stuff then your parents have to be pretty bad to say "Don´t you think it´s time to go..."

It's a couple years until I can go to university, and then there's the issue of affording it - but if what boris no no said is true, well, maybe. My parents are pretty much saying those words despite the efforts I've made in everything lately and it's a strong encouragement for me to leave.


Anyway, thanks for your posts everyone! I might hold back for now, but if things don't go well, I don't know. Don't feel any particular need to reply to this thread now. It can happily die. Thanks everybody.

[Christmas]

Yes, i am moving to a new host after the current one outlived its usefulness. :bigsmile:

[Christmas]

Also, Ash left his home at 10 catching critters and living in the wilds with strangers. :bigsmile: