Voice Mail

[Citizen Bleys]

Because I now qualify for a 50% discount on the monthly fees, I finally joined the 90s and got a cell phone. Now, I want to have a non-boring voicemail message. Here's what I've got so far:

"Hey, it's Marcus. Either I have my phone turned off, or I've looked at the call display and chosen not to answer, so leave a message."

Pretty dull, really. I want something better. Any suggestions?

[Rye]

George Costanza's answering machine message is a good one.

[Citizen Bleys]

Something everyone and their dog has heard before doesn't meet my standards of goodness. I'd rather stick with the crap one I have now.

[Old Manus]

'Hello?'

[Rye]

Something everyone and their dog has heard before doesn't meet my standards of goodness. I'd rather stick with the crap one I have now.

Hmmmm... originality....

"Hey, it's Marcus! I'm most likely busy with a cat box, so I'm not at the phone right now, leave a message."

:p

[Citizen Bleys]

How cute, you think I won't kill you.

[Shoeberto]

"LORD CTHUHLU may be occupied with taking out the garbage. Such a domestic task! I will destroy the infidels who question my prowess and tentacles. Leave a message or suffer the impenetrable quickening!"

[Bunny]

"Hey, this is Marcus. If you're listening to this it means I am probably dead. Please don't leave a message at the beep."

or

Just change it every day using an inspirational quote. Or your favorite quote. Weekly/daily, whatever.

[crono_logical]

Default suits me for my work phone (Sorry, extension blah-blah-blah-blah-blah is busy or does not answer...) :p I don't like voicemail though, and sometimes delete without listening on my mobile - I didn't ask for that service. Work voicemail is ok though, since that gets emailed to me so I can play it back on the computer :p

[The Captain]

"I got my latest phone bill and threw my phone into the ocean. I may not call you back for a while."


OR

"Don't you know the POINT of having a cellphone is to never answer it? Just doing my civic duty."



Take care all.

[Dr Unne]

"I'm not here right now, please leave a crotch. I mean, message."

[Denmark]

Just start whining about something, like the stupid people you have to deal with at work, and keep rambling on for a while. Most people should hang up before then, and anyone who listens all the way through either loves you or is insane, and the first case is contained inside the second case, so you'll never have to listen to your voicemail since you know it won't be worth your time.

[Christmas]

"Hello there suckers~~ ASL?"

[rubah]

My voice mail is really dumb. I had to go outside to record it because I didn't have enough of a signal inside my house. I think it's something like "Um, hi! This is allison, and obviously I can't answer the phone right now or else I would have, so uh, um, just like leave a message or somethign I guess if you want to."

Stu or kishi could probably tell me for sure!

[Burtsplurt]

"Hello, you have reached the speaking crotch. The time is eleven fifty-four AM."

I once read a bus timetable on mine. No-one left messages.

[Cz]

"I'm a busy man, and only have time to listen to the first three seconds of any voicemail message I receive. Be sure to get your point across in those three seconds, or else your message will be ignored. Thank you."

[Timerk]

The best advice would be don't try to be funny, just put something up there short and simple, and go with that.

Even if you were to come up with a voice mail message that was truly funny (which would be rare), everyone will hear it in about a month, and then you will have to change it anyway.

[aquatius]

"If you are hearing this I don't like you enough to talk to you on the phone, please don't leave a message after the beep."

[White Raven]

George Costanza's answering machine message is a good one.


My answering message sung by me:

"Believe it or not Rob, Jen, Amelia and Opree aren't at home, please leave a message at the beep. They must be out or they'd pick up the phone, where could they be? Believe it or not we're not home!!!!"

:p

[Loony BoB]

When I was in NZ, my voicemail had me clearing my throat, reciting the full two verses of Old King Cole, followed by "Thanks. Leave a message." It was great. Nothing will ever top it.

However, I always enjoyed that used by my Aunty Di at one point...

"Hi, I didn't pick up the phone because I'm avoiding someone. If I don't call you back in five minutes, it's you."

There's also this list (http://www.sillymessages.com/), which includes the message which inspired De la Soul's song of the 80's (or was it 90's?), Ring Ring Ring (Ha Ha Hey).

EDIT: Another idea is to make your message full of beeps and not much else, so they have no clue when to start talking.

EDIT: Oh hey that idea is on that site too. Go figure.

[Cipher]

Because I get a lot of job offers and Tech Service Requests through my phone line, I keep it simple. Nothing says I'm-too-unprofessional-for-this-job like a voice mail message that says "Hello, you have reached Jenova. After the tone, please leave your name and a short plea for your pathetic life."

So, my message is pretty generic.

[Tavrobel]

"You know what to do."

"Hello? Hey, what's up? Wait, what? Ohh, I'm not here right now, leave a message."

[Madonna]

I went on a Final Fantasy message board to ask if they could come up with a witty voice mail message. "No" was the apparent answer.

[Kamiko]

My friend has one that says "You have reached the voice mailbox of Satan."
Everything except Satan is in a generic voice.
It's not terribly original but it is funny.

[Loony BoB]

On a sidenote, one of the best answering messages I've ever heard was at work. Someone had tried recording their message and screwed up, and obviously never re-recorded properly.

"Hi, this is Ann and -- oh, god, :skull::skull::skull::skull:..." BEEP

She must have had something like a hundred missed calls that day after everyone called it for a laugh.

[Chemical]

"AHHHHHHH! I'm stuck in this devil box, let me out! LET ME OUT!!!"

*beep

[Bunny]

Record something in a foreign language that nobody you know speaks.

[Shlup]

Maybe soon you'll catch up to the 2000's where everyone over the age of seventeen knows witty voicemail messages are obnoxious.

*kick*

[Yamaneko]

"Mark Huculak here. I'm not avaliable right now. I used to work at Wendy's, but at least I never worked at Arby's. Now I work at a call center and some time in between the two I happened to find the Dao. Please leave a message after the tone."

[Emerald Aeris]

I'm a fan of the classic "Hey, what's up?", simply because of the messages people leave afterwards.

[NeoCracker]

If you don't think I'll kill you, leave a message.