G13's Blag

For those of you who don't know, I am a writer. Usually I write stories for EoFF that mirror my ridiculous sense of humor, but I have a serious side. I recently thought up and wrote what I think to be an incredible story (It's even got a moral in it ).

That's where you, dear reader, come in. I need you to shatter my delusions of grandeur. I want you to read my story, now located in the Writer's Corner, and tell me everything wrong I did in it. I'll even link you here as I know ...