noxious.sunshine

I told my sister today that I'm going and she's actually excited for me. And she even said (on her own) that jobs would be easier to find that are within walking distance.

And pretty much said that I could stay with them the weekends that I fly home. Not in those words, but. Whatever.

So I feel a lot better about the situation. My sister is a lot more open minded about things like that ... As much as we don't get along for the most part... And I guess her opinion is ...

Yep. I'm going to New York.

And I'm kinda freaking out a lot.

We made up and everything's fine, but I don't really have a choice in the situation. It's either stay here and have nowhere to go or go and have a roof over my head.

I'm just staying for a month or two - to try it out. If I can find a job, keep up with flying back to TN to see my lil girl, and I don't completely hate it.. I'll stay.. For awhile.

Just long enough to get some things straightened ...

A bunch of people know about all of this already, but.. It's still bothering me to no end.

Dude dropped this major bomb on me on Sunday talkin' about how "we" have to move to NYC after he gets out of the army.

"We" don't have to do sh**. I'm not going to NYC to -live- there. Hell to the no.

Something about he -has- to go to avoid jail time over this whole marriage arrangement he's had going on for several years.

I told him ...

A year ago today, we lost my Smelly.

I miss her terribly. She was an incredible soul. So sweet and funny.

She lived to be a ripe old age for a Boxer, and had as good a life as possible, even though my mom never cared for her or loved her like she should've.

But, I didn't realize it'd been a year already until a couple of hours ago. And I've been crying on and off ever since.



...

Talked to my mom for a minute just now.

My aunt (her older sister) is back in the hospital and her lung cancer came back after the doctors said they'd gotten all of it the first time. They'd removed part of her lungs and said she was in the clear.

But no. It's back and now it's spread to her lymph nodes.

I'm not sure how I feel about it.. I used to be close to her, but haven't been in a really long time. I haven't even seen her since like 2004 much less spoken ...

Why the hell did I have to get cursed with humongous calves!?

These boots are so cute, but they're so tight on my calves it's like a 2nd skin! I couldn't even wear leggings or jeggings with them!

I guess it doesn't matter though since there's absolutely no sign of cooler weather on the horizon anyway.

On the other hand, I -am- for real going on an intense diet starting Monday .. maybe I'll lose some weight down there... We'll see. I kinda doubt it, but. ...

I talked to my mom today and she told me that she came to Nashville, stayed with my sister, then went on to the garage/property she & my dad still own in my hometown to get more stuff and clean it out.

She told me not to get mad or upset about it, and I didn't.... Not on the phone with her anyway.

But it really upsets me that she didn't say anything. I could have gone with her to help. We all could have met somewhere for dinner.

I'm the only one of ...

Ok. I admit. I can be a major pain in the ass. I know I cause a lot of stress for people I'm close to (my parents, my older sister, the bf, whatevery).. And I can be a stubborn bitch (I'm usually right about stuff though, honestly).

But my bf shocked the hell out of me last night. He said that at 1 of his Dr's appt, they did the regular tests - stress, sugar, blood pressure, cholesterol, etc and all of the results came back improved and are now normal since the last time they did ...

(I hate Taylor Swift, btdubs)

So I was talking to a really close friend last night on Skype and normally we get along fine ... Until he starts going on about how I want him sooooo bad and blah blah blah (and I'm like "Babe. You're wayyyy too preppy and conceited and arrogant for me. Sorreh. I still heart you, but no."), then he gets on my nerves and I have to tell him to shut up.

But then he said something about how "I'm stupid".

And it ...

So I have my kid's ... Sperm Donor on Hi5 (aka Tagged since the 2 are now linked). I never bothered deleting him ..

I guess just in case Parker asks later on in life and wants to know more and see what he looks like.

He's almost never on and I havent even spoken to him in at least a year, if not 2 or 3.

& out of the blue, he sent me a message just now. I responded. But, I feel sick now. I just asked why he's messaging me like this when I have no ...