noxious.sunshine

I can't get over it.

I try so hard and for the most part, I'm as okay as I can be.

But I'm still pissed off and hurt. And it will -never- go away.

I know I've talked about this before, but I can't help it..

But then I think about our last conversation and how I literally broke down in tears because she didn't call me or invite me to go along to go see my aunt and the other time she was in town and said "Oh, I just didn't think about it." ...

... Until I leave for NYC.

I'm even more nervous and apprehensive about it now than I before.

I'm worried about leaving my dad behind & alone to fend for himself (my sister can't/won't physically check on him daily). ... And I already know that he wants me to stay.

I'm worried that I won't find a job & it won't work out & I'll just be screwed again.

Either way... I'm stuck. If I don't go, I'll never know- maybe it'll work out for the ...