noxious.sunshine

I didn't come here to argue over dumb
stuff.

And I'm not gonna put up with it .. I can admit when I'm wrong, but for me to actually apologize and try to fix the problem is a big deal. So of course, getting shut down and out after I bother trying only pisses me off even more.

I moved 900 miles to be w him, but he can't even be the tiniest but understanding that I left my dad pretty much completely alone, my daughter behind, I'm still not over losing my mom and ...

We haven't done anything yet.. Still. Jay's car is iced in pretty good.

We walked to a Thai restaurant and were gonna go grocery shopping, but he grabbed the wrong debit card, so I had to walk back to the apt and get the right one.

I walked by myself for the first time in NYC.

Lol.

But anywho.. It's stressing me out now.. I'm worried about learning my way around and going off on my own once I get a job and stuff.

I got in Saturday night.

We had dinner at a Filipino restaurant and just went home afterwards..

Yesterday, we had lunch at Jollibee's and went to the AT&T store and had dinner at this Mexican place around the corner. It was really good though most of it was american ish food written in Spanish.

It started snowing pretty hard while we were eating, but Jay said they consider that to be just a light flurry. I was like "o.o .... This is a blizzard ...

I can't get over it.

I try so hard and for the most part, I'm as okay as I can be.

But I'm still pissed off and hurt. And it will -never- go away.

I know I've talked about this before, but I can't help it..

But then I think about our last conversation and how I literally broke down in tears because she didn't call me or invite me to go along to go see my aunt and the other time she was in town and said "Oh, I just didn't think about it." ...

... Until I leave for NYC.

I'm even more nervous and apprehensive about it now than I before.

I'm worried about leaving my dad behind & alone to fend for himself (my sister can't/won't physically check on him daily). ... And I already know that he wants me to stay.

I'm worried that I won't find a job & it won't work out & I'll just be screwed again.

Either way... I'm stuck. If I don't go, I'll never know- maybe it'll work out for the ...