Blog Comments

I wouldn't want to find out.

Far more than you'll ever drink in one sitting, I certainly hope.

Thank you all for the kind words, encouragement, and support. Through the process of saying goodbye to Grandpa, your feedback has been very helpful.

I guess if anything I always feel that expressing a negative emotion is somehow "doing it wrong." Silly, I know, but like I said in the original post, I felt like I made to much a scene despite the fact that I was a kid. I guess I am glad I expressed myself the way I did because a few short years ago, I would still be pent up about it, and now I felt like I actually expressed myself and got some feelings out there.

Thank you guys once again. It meant a lot to me to read what you guys put!

Death is harder for the living. Funerals, eulogies, wakes and the like are all for the people who are left - so you shouldn't feel guilty at all for expressing your feelings. As for crying - I didn't cry when my great grandma died 10 years ago, not right away. And we were very close. I lived with her for a long time. But it took me a month or more to actually cry about it.

About three weeks ago my grandmother, my mom's mother, died. When I went to the funeral I cried. And cried and cried. I don't generally cry for death either. It just hit me differently, I guess. And there were other things that played on my emotions too. But yep, cried and cried. Maybe now that you're older than when you experienced your last death you've become more comfortable with your emotions. Which isn't a bad thing at all.

ehugs for you, buddy. I'm glad you have such good memories of the person that was your grandpa.

Sorry to hear that, dude. Hope you and your family are all coping as best as they can. Take care.

Also, for what it's worth, I feel you wrote a fantastic little set of thoughts in this blog and if anyone ever wrote anything like that about me after I passed on then I would be humbled. As for thinking about your own feelings... again, that's just normal. What are you supposed to think about at such times? I don't think you're supposed to think about anything in particular. Everyone deals with death in their own way, and if this is yours, it's a perfectly fine way to react.

That's really terrible, man. Even when you think you see it coming, you never really do.

I'm sorry, Justin. Stay cool, bro.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately nothing I say will make it better. I'm glad you have people around you for support.

I doubted I'd seriously offend you. You and I are bros, and I think you know any advice I'd give you would be out of concern and care, not judgement.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa, and I hope that you and your family are okay. If you need someone to vent to, just let me know.

Thanks for the input, everyone. I am still on the fence if I should go see someone or not.

As far as the situation with my Grandpa goes, things have taken a bad turn. He is on hospice now and he will probably last only a couple of more days. I am seeing him after I get out of here (work) today.

As for the pent up emotion things? Now that I have a clearer head than when I originally wrote it, I think that work stress and family stress has just got the best of me lately. I am going to be put on a different shift in July, and by then I should resolve how I feel after Grndpa has died. If I have a couple of more instances like the ones I mentioned in my original post, then I will do something more active about my situation.

Anyway, on to more individual responses...

Locky: I don't feel like I have no control over myself, it's just that I feel way to vindicated when I get upset, so in the heat of the moment, I don't see a problem with how nasty I get. I immediately regret it afterwards though.

shion: Thank you for the offer. I might take it up sometime if the timing is right. Also, while I can afford a therapist, I still am hesitant to spend more money on things. I recently bought my own condo and while I did pull off cutting down on living expenses, there are other things related to it that are costing me a pretty penny.

Tifa's Boobs: You didn't offend me with anything. And if you did, so what? I rather hear an honest opinion when I am venting about something more serious. My real life group of friends and I pull no punches when it comes to serious discussions, so I am used to it.

I probably should also cut down on the drinking in general. I actually have as a whole (a few years ago it was the norm for me to get drunk like people here have "seen" me 4/5 days a week). I usually drink one or two days a week and only one of those days is when I get drunk. Still, I should cut down from that too.

I like how you pointed out that you have, in the past, forgone meds and just wanted to talk. I think that's extremely healthy, and everyone is so quick to jump on the meds bandwagon.

If you could do so, definitely see someone and talk to them. They might help you find out where all of these pent up emotions are coming from. It sounds like it's probably a combination of several things, rather than one thing, but if you had a chance to talk to someone regularly about what's going on, you probably wouldn't feel a need to burst.

This is also a suggestion...please don't think I'm being judgmental. But, I'd probably cut back on your drinking, because I know you drink/binge drink a lot. If you're having some issues like this, while it might not be the cause, it certainly doesn't help you either.

I can also sort of identify. I have depression issues and they pop up hardcore once a monthish (like severly bad PMS almost) and I spend days crying hysterically and basically not doing anything because life feels like crap. The reason I can't see a therapist right now is cost. If you can, I would recommend it. You'll at least have someone to vent to and get stuff off your chest.

If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. I hope you start feeling better soon.

Oh Sephex.

Though not on the same level as you, I've been feeling very emotional lately too. I had a big 'RAAARAAARARARRARRRR' moment last week which resulted in me breaking down and having a series of panic attacks and crying hysterically for hours.

I think you should go see the therapist again, I don't think it would harm you any further to go see her - it is more likely to help more than anything else.

I hope you start to feel better soon though, having this kind of stuff happen isn't nice. When it happens to me the best way I can describe it is like having no control over my own body or thoughts.

drink responsibly/mod erratically

Well now I'm in a land of confusion!

From all those times you wear gorilla suits in the summer heat, right?

We can still play Mario Kart Double Dash whenever you want ;D

Local multiplayer N64 was the greatest :(

I volunteer as tribute.

Thanks guys. I am proud of it, but I felt like absolute CRAP because of how badly I drank. I used to get that way frequently, and I don't want to have that happen again. I feel better now, both mentally and physically.