To plume up my will in double knavery

Here is the correct way to make a martini:

Fill a metal tumbler with ice.
Add a capful of vermouth and shake the crap out of it
Pause for a couple of minutes to allow a small amount of icemelt -- you want a bit of interaction between the vermouth and the icemelt.
Put a lid on the tumbler and strain out the vermouth -- pour the excess vermouth right down the drain.
Add 2 shots of gin (for a proper martini) or vodka (if you're a communist).
Once again, shake, wait for some icemelt, and shake again.
Strain the result into a martini glass. It is acceptable to let no more than one ice cube wind up in the glass depending on the size of the cube and how uncultured you are (no ice is the correct amount but not everyone can enjoy that)

Now...in isolation, vermouth tastes exactly like ass. Its purpose is to bring out the flavour of the botanicals in the gin.

In this regard, vermouth is like pepper. No matter how much you like pepper, you don't eat pure pepper. You add it to other food to make it taste better. Too much pepper invariably ruins the food, but a little brings out the pre-existing flavour.

As an additional factor, do not save the excess vermouth -- if it's not used immediately, it no longer brings out the flavour of the gin.


This is why people who drink vodka martinis are communists. Gin, by itself, has a distinctive flavour. Not everyone likes it--I certainly didn't the first time I tried it. Like the best of alcohol, gin is sn acquired taste.

Vodka, conversely, has no flavour. It takes the flavour of whatever it is mixed with. In the case of a vodka martini, it takes the flavour of vermouth, which, as we've already established, tastes like ass.

In summary: those who drink real martinis, meaning the ones made with gin, are cultured ane erudite individuals who enjoy the pleasure of the taste of diverse botanicals. People who drink vodka martinis are communists who enjoy the taste of ass.