Eyes on Final Fantasy Forums - Blogs - I'm Designer by Rebellious Eagle

Should be sleeping!

Rebellious Eagle — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 03:35:51 GMT

I have to get up at 5:20 tomorrow morning to chaperone a field trip for some underclassmen and I should be asleep by now but INTERNET IS SO DISTRACTING

I realize I'm on here so sporadically. I have a crappy attention span, I guess, and there's always some new website I want to join only to forget about it in a week. EoFF should feel special that I at least bother to check up every few months xD so I guess I'll make an update about my life, if anyone cares.

I'm a senior in high school now. I'll be 18 next month and have recently gotten my driver's license. I now have blonde hair. I have a part time job and do winter color guard. I've been with my current boy (technically my fiance but I'm tired of getting criticized and slammed for it every time I use that word, and it's a long story) for over a year and a half now, and the whole time it's been a long-distance relationship. I'm going to a nationally recognized liberal arts college in August and am really, really excited about it. I will be majoring in psychology and minoring in neuroscience.

I was recently diagnosed with interstitial cystitis, a condition of my bladder that makes sure I get anxious about finding bathrooms in every new place I go to and about long car rides and movies. It also causes other bad symptoms that I won't get into but I'm trying to not let it affect my quality of life. I also have had a few mental health issues but I've been able to control them for the most part in the past few years. Other than that I'm a healthy, normal, short teenager girl who is eager to move forward with her life and ambitions. I think I come off as a little off-beat/weird on here but meh lol

Sorry if that was TL;DR or too much information you didn't care about xD just felt like giving an update for anyone who cares. I'll try to be around more even though I'm pretty busy. And if you want to add me on Facebook or something, by all means ask :)

Why do I even

Rebellious Eagle — Fri, 17 Aug 2012 00:42:00 GMT

I'm on and off this place so much. But it'll always have a place in my heart, I swear! Right next to bacon and Pokemon.
Don't know why I came back today. I think I missed some of you. <3 but I'll be gone tomorrow because VACATION TO SEE MY FIANCE, FUCK YEAH.

Oh my lawd.

Rebellious Eagle — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 01:22:50 GMT

I haven't been on here in -ages-.

Junior year has been a joyride...well, no. It sucked. It was filled with tests, bad teachers, college visits and trips to see Matt, my long-distance now-fiance. No, it hasn't been easy. Has it been worth it? Well. Matt, yes. Suffering through honors classes with terrible teachers? Meh...

It's almost summer and I'll be a senior. And I'll face the choice of picking a college. Plus, I'm starting a job soon. Oi vey.

All I want is to lie down and sleeeeeeeeeeep.

Migraines, Gynecologists, and Being Ignored by One's Own Mother

Rebellious Eagle — Sun, 07 Aug 2011 16:28:01 GMT

I've had a godawful migraine since last night. I barely got any sleep and it still hurts a bit, but at least not as badly as before. It's absolutely terrible. It makes me cry from the immense pain and looking into any source of light hurts like hell.

Tomorrow I have my first visit with the gynecologist. She's apparently very good, so I'm actually excited. Since I'm sexually active, I need to ask her for birth control. Only problem is my mother wouldn't pay for it and ABSOLUTELY kill me. She wants me to remain a virgin til marriage. Lmfao. And I have no money of my own and no one to drive me to a Planned Parenthood so I have no idea how this ordeal will work out but all I know is I NEED birth control.

And I was a bit upset that all my mom wanted to talk about at Friday night's dinner was college. My dad mentioned this to her and now she won't talk to me. She won't even look at me. What the fuck. I sit here crying in pain from my migraine and she completely ignores me. What did I do wrong? I'm now fully convinced my mom is a sadistic bitch. What mother pretends like her only daughter doesn't exist for such a stupid, trivial reason? I feel so alone and abandoned in my own house and it hurts. My depression is slowly creeping back. All I want to do is sleep.

Yay for more juicy personal stories!

Rebellious Eagle — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 00:06:10 GMT

I have no idea why but I like to blog about my sex life here, maybe because I really don't have anywhere else to do it. If you don't like it don't read it. :D

Had some more great sex today. Or as we call it, we made some great love today. Tried some new positions. We don't do it for the physical pleasure...more like for the great feeling of being so close emotionally and bonding ourselves as one. We're young and in love and it feels amazing.

Cheesy, I know.

And now I'm sore. Ehh. And have many bug bites. We need to find a safe indoor place rather than a hidden grove outside. Curse you, parents! One time we almost did it in the changing room at a store...

So yeah, great date with my love today. We saw the movie Super 8. I was confused most of the time but he was distracting me by cuddling me and hugging me and then we walked out near the end to go have sex. Then he gave me his hat to keep. *parades around* and we shared a delicious Moose Tracks milkshake. Yum~

YAY. What a great Sunday. Not to mention I went to church this morning. Doesn't that just offset this whole ordeal? No? Oh well.

Bold what applies

Rebellious Eagle — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 22:32:56 GMT

Yeah, I have no life and I love doing these kind of things.

bold what applies to you

I have/had piercings besides the ears.
I want piercings besides the ears.
I have many scars.
I tan easily.
I wish my hair was a different color.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have/want a tattoo.
I can be self-conscious about my appearance.
I have/had braces.
I have more than two piercings.

Embarrassment
Disney movies still make me cry.
I�ve laughed so hard I�ve cried.
I�ve glued my hand to something.
I�ve laughed until some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
I�ve had my pants rip in public.
I�ve touched something sharp/hot/etc to see if it would hurt.

Health
I�ve gotten stitches.
I�ve broken or dislocated a bone.
I�ve had my tonsils removed.
I�ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
I�ve had chicken pox.

Travel
I�ve been to Florida.
I�ve driven/ridden over 200 kilometres in one day.
I�ve been on a plane.
I�ve been to Colombia.
I�ve been to Cuba.
I�ve been to Niagara Falls.
I�ve been to Ottawa
I�ve been to the Caribbean.
I�ve been to Europe.

Experiences
I�ve gotten lost in my city.
I�ve seen a shooting star.
I�ve wished on a shooting star.
I�ve seen a meteor shower.
I�ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
I�ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I�ve slapped someone.
I�ve kissed someone underwater.
I�ve chugged something.
I�ve crashed a car.
I�ve been skiing.
I�ve been in a musical.
I�ve auditioned for something.
I�ve been on stage.
I�ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I�ve sat on a rooftop at night.
I�ve pranked someone.
I�ve ridden in a taxi.

Honesty / Crime
I�ve been threatened to be arrested.
I�ve broken a law.
I�ve done something I promised someone I wouldn�t.
I�ve done something I promised myself I wouldn�t.
I�ve sneaked out.
I�ve lied about my whereabouts.
I�ve cheated while playing a game.
I�ve been in a fist fight.

Death
I�m afraid of dying.
I hate funerals.
I�ve seen someone/something die.
Someone close to me has attempted/committed suicide.
I have attempted suicide
I�ve thought about suicide before.
I�ve written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
I own over 5 rap CDs.
I�m obsessed with anime/manga.
I collected comic books.
I own a lot of makeup.
I own something from Pac Sun.
I own something from The Gap.
I own something I got on E-Bay.
I own something from Abercrombie.
I thrive on compliments
I thrive on hate.

Random
I can sing well.
I�ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
I open up to others easily.
I watch the news occasionally or always.
I don�t like to kill bugs.
I sing in the shower.
I�m a morning person.
I�m a sports fanatic.
I twirl my hair.
I care about grammar.
I love spam.
I�ve copied more than 30 CDs in a day.
I bake well.
My favourite color is either white, yellow, pink ,blue, red, black, purple, or orange.
I would wear pajamas to school.
I like Martha Stewart.
I laugh at my own jokes.
I eat fast food weekly.
I�ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
I can�t sleep if there�s a spider in the room.
I�m really ticklish.
I like white chocolate.
I bite my nails.
I�m good at remembering names.
I�m good at remembering dates.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

People
..ask if I�m anorexic/bulimic.
..call me fat.
..say I�m skinny.
..say I�m ugly.
..have said I�m pretty.
..spread rumors about me.
..force me to eat.
..say I eat too much.
..say I eat too little. (I have a very low appetite, I do not have an eating disorder but I used to)

Eating
I�ve lost weight.
I�ve gained weight
I�m at my thinnest.
I�m at my biggest.
I�ve lost weight and kept it off.
I�ve lost weight, but gained it back
My weight affects my mood.
I diet.
I�m vegan/vegetarian.
I exercise.
I�ve fainted from exhaustion

Family
I�ve sworn at my parents.
I�ve planned to run away from home before.
I�ve run away from home.
My biological parents are together.
I have a sibling less than one year old.
I want kids.
I�ve had kids.
I�ve lost a child.

Relationships
I�m in a relationship.
Im single.
I�m engaged. (almost)
I�m married.
I�m a swinger.
I�ve gone on a blind date.
I have/had a friend with benefits.
I miss someone right now.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I�ve gotten divorced.
I�ve had feelings for someone who didn�t have them back.
Someone has had feelings for me when I didn�t have them back.
I�ve told someone I loved them when I didn�t.
I�ve told someone I didn�t love them when I did.
I�ve kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
I�m a cuddler.
I�ve been kissed in the rain.
I�ve hugged a stranger.
I�ve kissed a stranger.
I've had sex.

Bad times
I regularly drink.
I can�t swallow pills
I can swallow numerous pills at a time without difficulty.
I�ve been diagnosed with clinical depression at some point.
I have/had anxiety problems.
I shut others out when I�m upset.
I don�t have anyone to talk to when I�m upset.
I take anti-depressants.
I�ve slept an entire day before.
I�ve plotted revenge.

Big life-changing event.

Rebellious Eagle — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 01:27:57 GMT

I hate keeping secrets, so.

I lost my virginity today.

It was nice. We did it in a grassy secluded meadow near the woods. Hurt just a little, but it felt good being so close to my boyfriend, looking into his eyes the whole time. It was truly bonding, permanently, and afterwards we held each other and whispered how much we care for each other. Then we went over to his house and had dinner with his family and went out for water ice.

But damn, what a night...I am no longer a kid. I'm no longer innocent. And I have absolutely no regrets because I lost it with my true love.

He's coming to my taekwondo tournament this month so if I get him to join EoFF he'll tell you firsthand how much I kick ass. Whoo! >:D I'm looking forward to showing off. Haha.

Happy Independence Day!

Rebellious Eagle — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 18:40:17 GMT

MY BOYFRIEND IS COMING HOME FROM VACATION TODAY!
AND HE'S TAKING ME TO GO SEE THE FIREWORKS WITH HIS FAMILY!
I'm so excited. I have never gone 10 freaking days without seeing him since we first met. I'm probably gonna tackle him and crush his ribs from the giant bear hug I'm gonna give him.

Also, another "best friend who promised she would never leave me" turned on me. Saying I've changed. I don't see how I've changed except grown a spine, overcome my depression and become happy with myself. I don't put up with other people's bullshit anymore. They have to learn to GO TO A FREAKING THERAPIST and not rely on me to solve their fucked up issues. I'm not going to go back to depressed, doormat Steph to please everyone else. Suck my imaginary dick, bitches. In two years I won't even remember your names. :lol:

I'm proud of myself for becoming so strong and using my mental health problems as a lesson, a sort of step towards becoming self-reliant and confident. And I've never felt better. I love it. I don't need others to make me happy, you know?

Home sweet home.

Rebellious Eagle — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 23:23:13 GMT

So I just got back from a mini-vacation at the beach. It sucked because it rained while we were at the beach on Tuesday so we had to sprint with all of our beach gear back to our hotel...which was about a half mile away. 'twas fun. I hope to do it again sometime...not.

Anyway, I found out that for the 2010-2011 tournament season...I'm the taekwondo state champ in weapons! And in forms! I was really excited when I heard the news because I had worked my ass off for months perfecting every little flaw and going to as many tournaments as I could. But I guess all my hard work paid off because now I can parade around in my new uniform which says "STATE CHAMP" on the back. And I was also ranked 9 in the world for weapons. Cha-ching.

I'm also lonely now too. I lost all my..."best friends"...for some stupid reasons. They turned out to be total psycho bitches who start drama because "I'm jealous of you, Stephanie, you have the perfect body and perfect boyfriend and perfect grades AND YOU DON'T EVEN TRY and because of those circumstances which are beyond your control YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE tit AND SO TO SAVE MY SELF-ESTEEM YOU AREN'T MY FRIEND ANYMORE. PLUS WHEN YOU WERE SUICIDAL WE SAVED YOU AND GAVE YOU ADVICE BUT YOU'RE NEVER HERE FOR US EVEN THOUGH WHEN YOU TRY TO HELP US WE WON'T TELL YOU OUR PROBLEMS AND BITCH AT YOU FOR NO REASON SO YOU GET PISSED OFF AND GIVE UP." Blah blah fucking blah.

Whatever. PMSing teenage girls with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia are hard to deal with when you're me and they expect me to be a therapist, support group, and fun friend all rolled into one. I'm not great at giving advice but I AM caring and a good friend in other ways. I don't care though. If they're going to leave me like the shallow bitches they are, that's cool. They can suck my non-existent male sex parts. I can get along fine with just me and my guy friends from the rival school.

And to top off this interesting week the boyfriend's STILL away on vacation. Until Tuesday. And I haven't seen him in a week which is like a world record for us. I miss him terribly, especially with said bitchy girls harassing me over the internet and phone. Oh well. These are the times when I just plug in my music and not give a fuck about anything.

Lol teenagers

Rebellious Eagle — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 05:21:07 GMT

Since the summer started I have an inability to go to bed at a "normal" time and insist on staying up till 1 or 2 just because I can.
I wake up around 11 am, feeling refreshed. And I find it much easier to fall asleep during the day than at night. When the sun's out, I sleep like a light. When the moon's out...not so much.
I also looooove to nap during the day. Seriously. Even only a few hours after I awake am I asleep again.
It's currently 1:18 AM and I don't feel like going to bed. Maybe I should take a Benadryl or something. Or call my boyfriend and wake him up and blab on for no reason. The idea of staying up till 6 and then going to sleep appeals to me but I have to be up slightly early tomorrow...like...probably around 9 or 10. Eww.
I guess this is just a teenage thing. We teenagers are a strange breed of human, let me tell you. Some say I have DSPS but I really think I'm just being the typical rebellious teenager xD

THIS POST CONTAINS PERSONAL INFORMATION :D

Rebellious Eagle — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 03:05:53 GMT

I suck at keeping blogs.
I can keep them for a few months, forget about them/lose interest and then come back months later. Oh, me.
So anyway. Hello to anyone who might actually be reading this. xD I guess I'll go into more of my personal life here in this little blog, and if there's anything you wanna know about me, feel free to ask.
Here's the basics about me, for shits and giggles.

Name: Stephanie
Age: 16
Location: New Jersey
Relationship Status: In a Relationship (technically I'm engaged. Don't judge or I will eat all your ice cream.)
Occupation: High school student. Yay~ Looking for a job at the moment.
Favorite color: Blue
Favorite animal: Tiger
Favorite FF: V and VI

What I look like: