You were very harsh, actually. I cried. For like 3 days.
I know I may have sounded harsh, but that's cause I really tried to read deeply into your writing and make sure whatever I say will be helpful. Just keep writing. I'm liking your story more and more.
Thanks! I'm glad you seemed to like them overall. I enjoy the third person narrative with questions, but I can see how it isn't for everybody. I'll try to work on adding some more descriptions in my scenes. I appreciate the feedback
I left some feedback in the thread! I really liked your stuff. Though I did have a few critisisms, your writing is easy to get into and I can see you're improving with every piece. Keep up the good work!
I would be excited to read that
No, it's OK If you found it jarring, it probably was not a good choice on my part. I'm glad you liked the dynamics. Nevermore was not actually supposed to be an established character, at first he was just supposed to serve as a means of communication between the sisters. Again, glad you liked them. I think Matoya works well as a short story protagonist, so if any more prompts lend themselves to her, I might write more with her
Oh, I'm sorry xD. I didn't realize it was intentional. It honestly set me back a little bit because I had a character established in my mind based on the intro text and when the speech pattern changed, the whole character changed, which was a bit odd. The later paragraphs I didn't have that difficulty though, but that may have been because I'd already had the character in my mind and knew the speech pattern? I'm not sure. Overall though, it was really interesting. I want to know more about the characters and you already set up some interesting dynamics that I would like to see more of. One of my favorite things about stories and video games is the relationships and dynamics between characters and I think you did that really well.
Thanks for the feedback! I actually tried to differentiate the way Matoya spoke with the way she thought, but I guess it didn't work out that well. It was also really tough for me to experiment with her speech patterns. I really did try a different register here, that's probably why it took so long. Still, even though the experiment failed somewhat, I can keep working on it. I'm glad you liked the story and am really grateful for your opinion
No rush, mon ami! I'm going to bed now anyway, so it'll probably be in the morning when I read your feedback
Give me about 15minutes and I'll get right to it!
