Blog Settings

My grandfather has died. He was 98 years old. I honestly thought I have prepared for it, but I still cried. This sort of thing does not happen to me. I do not cry at death. Not since I embarrassed myself when I was ten at my great grandmother's funeral. Boy, did I make a scene there.

I didn't cry when my grandma died. She died at her home. Several family members showed up. She was lying there. I could only see her face since her body was covered with blankets and her head was covered with a towel. She didn't look real. Everyone else cried as one of my Uncles said a prayer. I am not religious at all, but I can appreciate the sentiment. I tried to cry. I did not.

I am at a friend's BBQ. I was at the hospital yesterday with my family for hours. I thought about coming back today, but my parent's insisted that I have a normal weekend. So I got a call. It was my father. I knew what he was going to say.

I was worried that Grandpa wasn't all the way dead. You see, when I was younger, my family had a cat that lasted nearly 20 years. The cat died in my arms. But she didn't just pass like how the movies show it. She actually popped in and out of death for a bit. I remember my mom was present and said this was normal during a natural death. So I asked dad if anything like that happened. It did. I feel bad because yesterday dad said he didn't prefer to be present for the actual point of death. But yeah, the same thing happened like with my cat. My dad assured me they keep people who passed away for hours before moving them, just in case.

Grandpa was quite a character. He was stubborn as f***, but honestly, that's a Polish trait from people around his generation. But he was a good guy. Fought in World War II. Like most people his age.

You know, I really don't know what to say, exactly. I don't even know why I am writing this. I am lucky enough to be around literally ever single one of my close friends and girlfriend when this happened. I still feel compelled to write this. I don't even know if it this is for my sake or what. I just write sometimes. Still, I do not cry when people die. Why did I do that? Am I more in tune to my emotions, or am I more distant from them?

I feel like an asshole for focusing on how I feel. One of my biggest fears is losing both my parents, let alone one of them. As of this moment, my dad and his siblings no longer have parents. That's terrible. It's life, but it's not fair. I get so angry no matter how someone dies. Makes no sense how things were designed.

Anyway, I am rambling. Ultimately, boo-hooing about it on a video game based blog will solve nothing. I should take my own advice that I said in a thread about death before in a EoEO thread and celebrate the good things about his life, instead of lamenting his death. I will be lucky to see 68 or 78 let alone 98 years of age. He had a fantastic life. He brought upon great memories to my rather large family (at least on my dad's side, he is seven out of eight kids from my grandparents)!

And hey, if someone would of told me Grandpa would have passed when I was 31 years old, I would have believed it. I'll miss you Grandpa. Thanks for everything!