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Purple Purse Blog

I'm miserable.

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I really just hate my life right now.

I try not to be whiney, because constantly talking about how unhappy you are is annoying. I try to let the better side of me--my happier side--show through instead. But today is just bringing all of these emotions to a head.

  • I hate living with my grandma. I know she doesn't care much for me and my mom, so I feel like I'm under constant scrutiny over every little thing I do. I hate that the room I have is so tiny that all I can fit in it is a blow-up mattress. I like to have space to be alone, and I don't have it. I'm a naturally introverted person, and there's always someone right next to me. It's smurfing with my mental health so much; some days it makes me feel crazy.
  • My step-dad has been such an ass since we've moved here. He's always been pretty hard on me, but now that he's living around his family, he feels that it gives him free rein to be mean to my mom and I. My favourite times in the house are when he's at work.
  • I really hate Pennsylvania. It's beautiful here, it really is. But I'm so, so, so homesick. I want to go back to Kansas City so badly I can't even bear it. I live in the middle of nowhere and there's nothing to do and no way of making any friends at all. The only social life I have is with Rob.
  • I love seeing Rob. It's the only thing that's keeping me somewhat happy and sane here. Fridays are my favourite days, and Sundays are the worst. Our weekends together are the best days of my week.
  • But, I am going to have to take a full-time job on the weekends. I have no other options at this point, and I'm running out of money. There was an overnight full-time position that I was going to take...I drove 40 miles there today to train in the house...only to be told as soon as I got there that it had been filled internally, but no one thought to tell me. This has happened to me twice with this company now. So, I'm going to have to take a job on the weekends to pay my insurance and car payment, and never get to see the one person who makes my life bearable here.

I really don't know what I'm going to do.
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  1. Pumpkin's Avatar
    I'm sorry Sam . I definitely know how you feel about the homesickness. I imagine it doesn't help to leave with people you don't enjoy being around and now this job thing .

    I'm sorry.
  2. Loony BoB's Avatar
    Are you a student?
  3. Jinx's Avatar
    No, Daniel. I don't get financial aid again until autumn of 2014.
  4. Formalhaut's Avatar
    I'm incredibly sorry, in so far that your situation sucks, and that I honestly can't think of a thing to help you with.

    I guess, all I can do, is to just smile, and support you in any way I can. All of EoFF are here for you Sam, and even though things royally suck now, you've always got the support of your friends here on EoFF.
  5. Psychotic's Avatar
    Human beings feel sad. You're allowed to be this way. Anyone in your position would feel down too, I know I would.
  6. Denmark's Avatar
    your situation really does suck, and it's really not fair. we will figure something out, though. <3
  7. Sephex's Avatar
    You'll get through this. We all face tough times. Do your best to soak in the positive and wash away the negative. I should have done that myself last week when I was feeling very depressed. I dropped not so subtle hints, but I got really self destructive. And for what? Nothing! Things turned around. Your problems are pretty complex, but they won't be in your life forever.
  8. Jinx's Avatar
    Thanks for the support, guys. Love you all, seriously.
  9. 41-Inches-Wide's Avatar
    I'm so sorry Sam! All of these things you wrote here are so incredibly frustrating. I'm glad you have Rob, though, whoever he/she is!
  10. Night Fury's Avatar
    Oh Sam

    Let's struggle together with our new lives okay?

    I mean that in a nice way. I'm in a similar boat to you. It's so very hard here. Phil makes it bearable, but even the little things like knowing when I sign into #eoff my usual peeps aren't gonna be there... yeah, it's hard. I'm happy right now though, like obviously. But try not to be hard on yourself. These things happen, and once you get yourself sorted, it will just have been a blip on the radar.

  11. Spooniest's Avatar
    I've always counted myself extremely fortunate in regards to my family. The vast majority of people in this world have no regard for their kindred. It makes me extremely angry.

    Angry on your behalf...

    ~ Spoons