yukina

Slow day today and I'm hacking away at the keyboard to keep the boredom at bay. Just some random ramblings borne of hours in front of the TV. Cheers.

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We all live our lives in the confines of fear. - Ben Howard, Fear

Losing isn't always the worst thing to happen in a battle.

What is worse is for both sides of the battlefield to go on their different ways, leaving you hanging in the middle. And then what? You waste away without a glorious victory or a memorable loss to your name. You are static memory, the peripheral vision, the darkness in the backdrop of a constellation. You cannot be forgotten because you aren't even tangible enough to be memory. It's a cruel world out there, and you become one of the statistics.

So if we know that we will lose in the end, why do we feel the need to keep on grasping the edge of the blade?

Sometimes, the answer is easy - familiarity, love, hate, and everything that fell beyond and in between. We hold on to the pain because it is the one thing that defines us in some moments. Sometimes, pain is comfort, especially when it's something we've come to expect. Truth is, pain and hate aren't the worst feelings in the world all the time. They are single-faceted - they allow you to direct your whole being towards something, whether it is warranted or not. Now confusion, that is something that pulls you apart in all ways and leaves you to pick the pieces up when it's over. Hate consumes and exhausts. Confusion breaks.

They say that it takes a certain courage to endure pain, be a martyr. Running is easy. Leaving is easy.

When you're wiser and much more battle-scarred, you will know that a lot of times, none of those things are true for all cases. Sometimes, suffering is the easy way out. Again, the notion of the unknown is sometimes far more frightening than any pain we've come to expect. It takes a different kind of inner strength to choose to break free from something that defines you in a moment, whether it be pain or love or hope. Enduring is often borne out of love. And leaving love is a kind of self-destruction, when you think about it. Who would be crazy enough to tear themselves up at the roots to face something that could and could not be worth it?

Be strong enough to take the leap. Pack up your heart and go if you must. Move on, don't look back. Be brave enough to break your own heart.