I'm miserable.
by , 07-25-2013 at 03:10 PM (1733 Views)
I really just hate my life right now.
I try not to be whiney, because constantly talking about how unhappy you are is annoying. I try to let the better side of me--my happier side--show through instead. But today is just bringing all of these emotions to a head.
- I hate living with my grandma. I know she doesn't care much for me and my mom, so I feel like I'm under constant scrutiny over every little thing I do. I hate that the room I have is so tiny that all I can fit in it is a blow-up mattress. I like to have space to be alone, and I don't have it. I'm a naturally introverted person, and there's always someone right next to me. It's smurfing with my mental health so much; some days it makes me feel crazy.
- My step-dad has been such an ass since we've moved here. He's always been pretty hard on me, but now that he's living around his family, he feels that it gives him free rein to be mean to my mom and I. My favourite times in the house are when he's at work.
- I really hate Pennsylvania. It's beautiful here, it really is. But I'm so, so, so homesick. I want to go back to Kansas City so badly I can't even bear it. I live in the middle of nowhere and there's nothing to do and no way of making any friends at all. The only social life I have is with Rob.
- I love seeing Rob. It's the only thing that's keeping me somewhat happy and sane here. Fridays are my favourite days, and Sundays are the worst. Our weekends together are the best days of my week.
- But, I am going to have to take a full-time job on the weekends. I have no other options at this point, and I'm running out of money. There was an overnight full-time position that I was going to take...I drove 40 miles there today to train in the house...only to be told as soon as I got there that it had been filled internally, but no one thought to tell me. This has happened to me twice with this company now. So, I'm going to have to take a job on the weekends to pay my insurance and car payment, and never get to see the one person who makes my life bearable here.
I really don't know what I'm going to do.




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