noxious.sunshine

My big brother is leaving today, so it'll just be me and my dad. I'm really nervous and scared.

He jumped all over me last night cuz my brother and I were gone longer than what we told him ... I figured he'd be happy that we're getting along- even if we -were- out for awhile. He went on about "if I'm gonna be doin all this partyin and goin out BS I might as well go back to TN" (Seriously, I felt like we were in high school and had broken curfew hardcore on the way home. My brother was doing 90 on the interstate to get back quicker. haha)..

My dad finally calmed down.. My brother & I were sitting in the living room hanging out with him (we were stoned and I was kinda drunk) & alluvasuddenly a commercial for a rehab center came on. xD I was like "Hoooooolllyyyy sh**" in my head.

BUT.

This weekend was the only opportunity to be able to go hang out with my best friend here. I won't be able to go out or do stuff. I have no money and I won't leave my dad by himself. Thankfully she's bringing me some stuff this week, so yay.

And my sister will be back on the 23rd for Christmas.

But no one really understands how hard this is. When I moved out here the first time, my parents were still struggling with being retired and figuring out how to go day to day without being in the truck & working. My mom adjusted a lot easier than my dad did- she got into doing dispatch and some accounting for the guy who owns this property & his own small fleet of trucks... And of course bending over backwards to take care of my dad & keep the RV clean.

But whatever. Anywho. It was hard on me. Having to listen to my dad bitch about how I'm constantly screwing up and insulting me time and time again. On top of dealing with a major break up and being 800 miles away from Parker. ..

And now.. My mom isn't here anymore. It'll just be me and my dad. I can't even begin to imagine how heartbroken and lost he feels, but I can't deal with him treating me like he did last time I stayed here for a long time. It isn't fair or right. Like I said, I'm the only one of us willing and able to be here with him, so he needs to be happy with that & not treat me like crap.

The last conversation I had with my mom wasn't a good one and I'm upset enough over it- as I have been since we hung up the phone 2 weeks ago. I don't think I can handle going through something like that with my dad, too.