noxious.sunshine

... Until I leave for NYC.

I'm even more nervous and apprehensive about it now than I before.

I'm worried about leaving my dad behind & alone to fend for himself (my sister can't/won't physically check on him daily). ... And I already know that he wants me to stay.

I'm worried that I won't find a job & it won't work out & I'll just be screwed again.

Either way... I'm stuck. If I don't go, I'll never know- maybe it'll work out for the better that I do. IDK.

This is really hard.