Roller coasters are fun
by
, 03-26-2011 at 08:38 AM (3769 Views)
I'm pretty tipsy. Maybe even drunk. Hard to tell with the medication. But I'm going to post this. So yeah. I'll probably regret it later
Did you ever think having "your guard" up is more like having flood gate holding back what's inside? Maybe even more like a dam. Sometimes its even ready to burst. But it holds steady. And then you make that one mistake, letting the wrong person cross into the other side.
They start poisoning the water over there, for whatever reason.. Sometimes they're sneaky and you can't figure it out right away. And sometimes your security guards on the inside just can't seem find them and kick them out; maybe you just don't have the heart for it.
Until one day you get your head out of your ass, flip on the flood lights, send in the army, and eject them from your heart. But the damage was done, and the gates were openen; sometimes they even have trouble closing back up again.. Leaks maybe start springing up everywhere; it takes a while to fix. There's a lot of pressure and stuff going on, hidden behind that wall.
Sometimes I think about how it'd be kinda nice to find someone wiser than myself to whine to, and maybe find wise words with which to patch up some spots in the dam.
But it doesn't happen, it's probably not going to. So instead I'm that wise person. People whine to me. I help patch up their dams. Help them find their sanity again for a moment. I'd rather people not have to go through what I've had to get used to over the years. It's sad knowing most people have had it worse.
Ideally you'd probably want to have a steady flow coming out of that dam, and keep the pressure down, controlled, and supported by an infrastructure of great relationships with great people.
Sometimes you just can't find the people you need.
So patch it up, keep it contained as best you can. It'll be okay soon. You may not be able to feel very much of anything afterwards, but at least you don't feel bad anymore.
In short I guess what I'm trying to say is...I think I'm leaking.
Just waiting for the mortar to arrive.
And I wonder if just simply trying to patch the holes is really the best solution.. But what else is there