Pumpkin

Why were you so nervous?

Anyway, if you want to lose weight you should set up a diet and exercise plan and stick to it!

Sorry to drop down on you hard like this, but your boyfriend was right. Plan and simple.

You've been honest enough to admit to yourself and others that you have a self esteem issue. That's a great, positive first step. As much as it sucks, you'll still have to do more.

From what you explained about the situation, your boyfriend did nothing wrong. Frankly, there was nothing insensitive about taking you to some beach party where there might be other women in *gasp!* bathing suits, and some women who might be *gasp!* more attractive women that you. Oh no! You're going swimming. You might see other people in swim suits.

You summed up the situation pretty accurately it sounds, but you're still missing the point. Your boyfriend wanted to go swimming with you and wanted to see YOU in a bathing suit. Lots of attractive women around and he's focused on you. Do you realize how many women wish they had your boyfriend? Think about it. (He might not be perfect, but no one is. I'm saying that's a good sign he is really into you, so be happy about that. Clearly as much as you don't like yourself, you've got some qualities he really likes.) So what if his friend noticed some of the women were attractive? So what if he commented? He's a guy. He might look at a girl or two at
the beach. Who'da thunk it?

From the little I heard, your blog title nailed it. You have some self-esteem issues to work on. You have no reason to be mad at your boyfriend for a situation like that. Reacting the way you did will only serve to alienate him and make you feel worse. Sounds like you have a pretty good man, and I think you know that. I understand it's hard to feel confident at times like this, but you're reaction was completely destructive.

You said you care what you think, but I don't believe that's the case. You care what OTHERS think about you, and base your self image off of that. That's a problem.

I'm not the most attractive man, but I still have friends and I still meet attractive women. I like me, and I like who I am. The key difference is I need to be able to look in the mirror and approve of who I am. Besides close loved ones and myself, no one else's opinion of me means smurf all.

It seems you seek approval of others and complete strangers. Or that you're at least concerned about what they think of you. What the hell does a complete strangers opinion of you matter, even if they DO think you're fat. So what? smurf them.

If you think you're overweight then loose weight for you, and for you health. Get to where you are happy with you, but stop being so concerned about how you appear to others. You've got a guy that likes you and finds you attractive. Try to focus on the positives you have in your life, while you work to better your negatives. If you get yourself this worked up, and this down on yourself over situations like this things will get ugly.

Not trying to pick a fight. From what I've read of your posts and things, I like ya. I want you to like you to. You'll be in a bad place for a long time until you can accomplish that. Just food for thought.

I'm sorry if my blog was to seem like I don't have a good boyfriend, I know I do, I was just explaining what happened at the time and I know I overreacted.
My main issue is I didn't want to be compared to those other women, because I feel like my boyfriend doesn't really see how I actually look because we have both said in the past that the people we are attracted to actually look better to us than they are (i.e. my ex who I thought was really hot until after we broke up when I was like..yea...) so I feel like if he saw me there with my flab compared to them with no flab, then it would register, if that makes any sense.

And no I wasn't trying to win anyones sympathy, if I was I would have made my boyfriend say awful things and whatnot, I told exactly what happened because I needed an outlet. Rest assured my boyfriend got an apology and an explenation for my behavior.

Also, to clarify, I am not fat, I just have some extra chub on me, but the way I feel in those moments I might as well weight 300 pounds

I'm not trying to pick on you, trust me. It's great that you apologized, and I respect that.

You seem to understand part of what I said, but you either don't understand or just plain don't accept the rest.

OF COURSE your boyfriend thinks you're more attractive than some women who might be physically more appealing, because to him you have the whole package. He already sees you for who you are. Simple as that. That's part of what love (or a deeper affection at least) is all about. You accept and actually like the flaws of the other person. Really, to the other person, they aren't flaws. They're part of what makes the person they love, the person they love.

No women who's ever dated me dated a perfect man, and I've never dated a perfect woman. Physical appearance is far from the sole reason to be with someone.

When your man told you he thought you were beautiful, and it shouldn't matter what others think, he was right. He's trying to say that while he knows you're sensitive about your weight, he finds you attractive. He knows it bothers you, and he's trying to support you. I know it's hard to believe in yourself sometimes, but it's actually pretty important. Men pick up on confidence just as women do. They want to feel as if they make their woman feel attractive, appreciated, and desired by them. Sometimes the thought process of a man can work something like, "My woman doesn't feel attractive even though I tell her I think she is. I must be doing something wrong." It can actually serve to erode his confidence or at least erode faith in the relationship.

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, just giving you a window into our minds. I know you worry about him comparing you to others, and dumping you for the next best thing. If he's telling you he likes you, and you don't have a reason to distrust him, you have to have faith in that. It sounds like you were so worried about how you stacked up against other women in bathing suits that you missed out on a great time at the beach with a boyfriend who has the hots for you.

To sum it up, it's important that you acknowledge that to him. Acknowledge that while you feel unsatisfied with yourself, you know he finds you attractive. Also work on accepting that how you feel about yourself is far more important than what others think about you. If you have some flab you want to drop, and you're already working on it, then that's awesome. I respect you taking steps to change things in yourself that you don't like. Just make sure you're doing it for you, and for the right reasons.

Also be happy your boyfriend thinks you're a hottie. Things ain't so bad!