Spooniest

I've mentioned this in my blog (ugh...I really hate that word) before, but I'll go ahead and do it again, since this time is a little different than before.

I've quit drinking since about a week and a half ago. It isn't that my behavior is becoming a problem. I may be perfectly willing to go into full-on "smurf you" mode on an internet forum, but since I don't get rip-roaring drunk [I]in public,[/I] it's never been a true issue for me (well, not since my early 20's, when I learned not to get drunk in public, at any rate).

I have no moral qualms about it; Jesus drank, and even if he didn't, my dad does. I come from a long line of Irishmen; there's nothing wrong with a wee bit o' the creature.

I'm also not doing this for my health; I find no satisfaction in living a long life, as I have no children to care for, and no one really depends on my continued existence.

Additionally, I'm not sensitive about my body image. Not as much as most people are, at any rate. I've often felt like my weight has no real bearing on my attractiveness; I'm really not that concerned with outward appearances at all, to tell the truth. Why should I care about being sexy? All it would get me is sex, which, to be perfectly blunt, I consider a waste of my time. When I've had sex in the past, it's typically more for my partner's pleasure than for mine. I really don't find the horizontal mambo all that interesting, in the long run.

But my boss (the leader of the band I've joined) has offered me $750 if I can lose the beer gut. Now, that's something. It does make sense to me that a marketable image is part and parcel of participating in the music industry. That's a reality I wouldn't even begin to argue against. Not to mention, I've lived near the poverty line my whole life, by virtue of coming from a family of seven children, so $750 is a-o-k with me!

Plus, I have to think that if my boss is telling me that I need to lose weight, I really can't tell him "no." Guitarists are a dime a dozen. I want to keep this job, and if that means forgoing the General Tso's chicken, tea-totaling, and getting off my butt once in a while, I'm all for it.

In a way, this has shown me that the only things that really manage to get me motivated are money (duh) and the promise of being able to get on stage and perform music.

But back to the main point: I'm now reassessing my eating habits, and that includes the assertion that dumping ginormous amounts of empty calories into my system for the sake of a temporary euphoria is going to be nothing but counter-productive.

I am still craving alcohol; there's no reason why I wouldn't. I have been binging for going on five years now, and it's difficult to let it all go. But the motivation is far different this time. I'm not doing it to please someone, I'm not doing it out of shame or guilt, and I'm not doing it because I want to get laid.

I'm doing this for a 7-10 split of petty, materialistic reasons and lofty, artistic reasons.

Apologies if I forgo the Ciddies this year; understand, it's not that I have anything against you all (I wrote a couple speeches, actually), it's just that I'm going to want to drink.

Peace + Love,

Spoooooooooooooooon