fire_of_avalon

When I was a younger foa I updated a livejournal pretty regularly. And it was always just so much bitching. I look back now and cringe about it because what the hell. Count your smurfing blessings.

So I told myself that I wasn't going to ever do that again because I didn't want to continue to be that person.

That being said, I'm generally a person who likes stress, thrives under a deadline, etc. I measure stress like... running headlong towards a brick wall. Some people start out really close to the wall, so they can't run as long before they hit it. Usually I am about as far from the wall a person can get, so I can pile trout on and be okay.

Suddenly, it seems, I am fast approaching the smurfing wall.

I hope no one in my personal life ever sees this, but here goes.

My job is maddening. Here's a list why:

1) The holidays are coming up and late September is when we begin our seasonal prep. I've already on-boarded nearly a dozen seasonal hires and they want 18 more. I have four of the 18 ready to go, but in this business (and with the company for whom I work) if you want to retain 18 you hire 36 because bitches be stealin. Even so, I am less stressed about that because it's par for the course and I have a little time.

2) My receiving lead is the whiniest person I have ever known (myself excluded, obv lololololol.) Every. Single. Day. She comes to me with the same bulltrout. I give her coping strategies, I give her options about how to make a difference, I give her the opportunity to speak to management alongside me and let me help her clarify her perspective. All she says is "Nothing will change." I tell her she has to be the change. She scoffs. She says she's looking for a new job. She says the expectations are too high. Part of my job is to let people vent all over me, and I'm generally pretty good at that WHEN THAT PERSON LISTENS TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. When all you want to do is wallow in your pitiful me act, I have no time for you.

3) While I am going to sound an awful lot like the person about whom I was just speaking, they are piling it on me thick. This week I got a list of requirements for our Halloween carnival, I had to prep the entire staff for major changes to our time-keeping system (AND NO ONE READS THE SIGNS I POST, THEY ARE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD MOTHER smurfERS) I have had National Safety Weekend (an invention of our sister company) thrown at me which means I have less than a week to produce the fire department, police department, or some other group to promote safety awareness. Oh did I mention I have to have six hours worth of coverage for this, on Saturday and Sunday? Not 6 hours combined for both days, six hours each day. My boss told me if anyone could persuade someone to do that I could, but personally I think he's blowing smoke up my ass. I just don't believe he has that much faith in me. Oh! and I have to, at some point between calling around to find people for that, getting in touch with NCESC and holding a new employee orientation tomorrow, I have to completely rewrite the schedule incorporate new departmental coverage. If they knew that had to happen, why couldn't they have said so two weeks ago when I was writing that flippin' schedule? Because they hate my rotten guts is why.

4) A colleague, and a friend, is having a really terrible time. One of his children was just diagnosed with a very rare form of lymphoma. This has been going on for a couple of weeks, but we all found out today that this particular type of cancer is specific to children and teens, and that 15% of patients live five years after treatment. 15%. Live 5 years. That's not to say this kid couldn't beat it, but ... the deck is obviously stacked against him. Every piece of news I get about this is always bad, and always just digs into my heart so hard. This is so smurfing unfair. A child should not have to deal with this. He should be kicking ass and skateboarding and doing awesome things that teenage boys do. I don't even know what they do, but not having a chemo drip in the hospital.

--4a) I'm working hard to make a gift basket/bag for him and the family, but what the hell do you put in there? I did see some really amazing tshirt designs today that are brave and funny, but I dunno how my boss will feel about them (one is "Cancer can kiss my ass." that one I love a bunch.) Men, if you were 14 and undergoing chemo, what would you want?

--4b) I'm also trying to organize a series of benefit lunches for their family, but so many smurfing people are just awful about it and refuse to buy in. Five dollars for all you can eat smurfing spaghetti every Friday and I have one taker? smurf you, people. With an iron pear. Up the nose.

NOW HERE'S THE STUFF IN MY PERSONAL LIFE

1) My sister is really stressed out about her job. She moved to a new facility about a month ago, and the workload is much larger than previously. This makes me really nervous because she's 32 weeks now. Most of the baby's development is done, I know that, but so many bad things can still happen in the next 8 weeks.
--1a) One major point of stress is the fact that apparently our mother worked in the same facility. Be mindful that neither of us has seen her in 17 years and people keep asking Sarah if she's Luci's daughter. (Sarah apparently looks a lot like our mom.) Sarah is pretty short with their responses but people still ask a lot of nosy smurfing questions.

--1b) I have been trying to plan Sarah's baby shower for three months and friends and even smurfing family keep dropping like goddamn flies out of the sky. If it keeps up, she and I are going to be eating Ding Dongs together for her shower. I can't believe smurfing people.

--1c) Baby daddy. Enough said. It's like he doesn't care about her, just the baby. Just another life he can't smurfing support. She internalizes a lot because of that whole situation, and given her hormonal state too she's a bit fragile. And he doesn't seem to care. I'm really close to telling him that if he hurts her I'll make him wish he were never born. And I will too.

And I'd enjoy the hell out of it.

2) My best friend is getting married on Saturday and her fiance's family kind of suck in their complete lack of understanding just how much she's done to make this thing happen. I love her to pieces, but she's another one that bottles trout up until it makes her crazy. Tonight we had a long talk about how people have just hurt her badly over the past couple of days and i encouraged her to just be as mean as she feels like being. I also get to have a couple of serious conversations with other friends of ours about not making everything in the world about themselves and just smurfing go to lunch at chili's or don't smurfing come to the wedding. Damn.

3) I withdrew from school for this semester because of all the crazy and my complete inability to focus. I am a failure and at this rate I'll have my bachelor's degree about the time I'm 70.

4) TMI... no, I mean really. Weak stomachs and men turn away.I have been on my period for about two and a half weeks now, and have had blood clots the size of smurfing golf balls. I don't care if this makes you sick, this is my goddamn blog. I'm starting to get concerned but oh yeah, no smurfing health insurance and I sure as hell don't have the money to see my OBGYN right now. In other news, if you're smart buy stock in o.b. tampons. You will make a killing offa me.

5) I feel ugly. And stupid.

6) I want some goddamn ice cream but I keep forgetting it. And paper towels! I keep forgetting paper towels.

Okay. I feel better. Here are some good things in my life. 1) the dogs. 2) eoffers. 3) new friends. 4) old friends. 5) my bed, even though we don't get to spend enough time together, ever.

raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafheijfdjldksajdsklasjka.