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An update on what I have been up to and summer plans

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Hello everyone!

This one might be a doozy, and there are some parts in here that talk about the loss of a couple of family members.

Since, I made a post in the Let's Play category, I've decided to refocus this space into a behind the scenes kind of area. Honestly, I think it is more for me than for other people because it helps me document my experience with Final Fantasy and life. At this point, it's just me writing just to write so I can keep refining my skills to write.

This semester has been pretty busy and admittedly I have slacked off quite a bit because there were other things bogging me down. I have taken time aside to focus on those things and work through them with a therapist. Even though I am more than happy to share, I feel like that would probably be more appropriate in a private setting than in an open space like this. Suffice to say, I have been quite busy trying to work through things and keep up with my academics this school semester. I don't think I will be doing any more streams until the semesters done and if I do, it'd probably just be streams of competitive Apex Legends play.

On that note, I have been analyzing Valorant & Apex Legend games to help refine my ability to coach. I make it a point to work with people who are new to FPS and people who are plateauing at a certain rank. Working with newer people has helped me ask the right questions and unravel what I have ingrained into my mind since I started competing in FPS games back in the early 2000's. Eventually, I would like to help people reach the next level of their game play and coach them to become better players.

In retrospect, coaching has helped me improve my own game play by helping me become more objective. I operate on the idea that I can only work with what I see and not what I perceive. Basically, before I would try to improve what I thought I needed to work on which did not produce any tangible results. It became too intuitive and it was hard to figure out if I was actually improving. Not to say that playing intuitively is bad but it is bad for gathering data and analyzing said data to find what can be improved upon. This approach has helped me tackle some of the more nuanced parts of competitive gaming like tilt or the emotions that are involved when playing an intense game. I hope to get more into this during the summer when I have free time.

The other part is by the end of the year I will be moving to a different state. This decision was a pretty big one for me because where I am at, I am very well situated to succeed in my chosen career field. I am heavily networked in where I can talk to the right people to get the right help that I need to proceed. Once I move, it may be more difficult to tap into these resources, but there is another part to that as well. The other part is I have not tapped into that resource because I have been dealing with my mental health issues. I just wasn't ready to move on from my father passing away in August 2020 and my step dad following shortly after. Their deaths had a bigger impact than I had anticipated for myself and exposed a lot of things that I wanted to improve and work on to be a better person and to be in a better place.

I am definitely in a better place now but I am not done working on myself. I feel that I may be working myself perpetually until the day I pass away but that's okay with me. I crave that type of growth and if in some way that can be gleaned from these blogs that will help motivate/inspire other people then this blog would have been worthwhile.

My current plans for the summer are to attend a couple of events and attempt to reconnect with everyone within that network. I have a feeling that not everyone will be as welcoming to me coming back but I can't focus on that, I can only focus on what actions I can do to help push me to the next level in my academic and work career in the near future. I also plan on putting time aside to stream more often and put more hours into playing more Final Fantasy and connecting with different people on Twitch and hopefully people here. This summer will be focused on growing as a person and connecting with other people to share our experiences together. It is something I am pretty excited about and I hope that is expressed when things get moving.

Hope everyone is well,
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