Hollycat

Shayne Kennedy
Alexander Graham Belle was an assassin in the employ of the illuminati during the Crusades. He single handedly killed the entire Wushu army with two sets of chopsticks and a bag of marbles. In 2045, Alexander Graham Bell won the Nobel Prize for best comedy. He is currently in the employ of the king of the moon and serves as his food taster. He is most notable for his platinum single “the flying Dingle.” In august of 2006, he spent ten billion hours singing “sitting on the toilet.” To this day, the recording of the action is shown in schools as an example of how to pick up chicks.

Thomas Edison was a retard born in a cave on February 30^th 1414. He won a gold medal in every event in the Olympics and holds the record for most medals won at the Olympics. In 2008, he shaved his head and joined the Olympics again under the assumed name of Micheal Phelps, again setting world records for most gold medals. He is most notorious for stealing the largest diamond in the world during Woodstock. He also cured AIDS. In the year 30 he and Jesus formed a boy band called the Electricity Savior, and sold out fifteen concerts in a row. He was the first man on Jupiter, and invented the flush toilet, NASCAR, and the time machine. He also wrote the first six Harry Potter books and was the lead artist for Pokemon until 1998. Notable characteristics of Thomas Edison include his third arm that grew out of his ear, and the toenail on his forehead. At the age of -7, he married a dolphin named Herbert Walker Bush.