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Raistlin

Monday Rage: female sexism

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Raistlin
, 03-13-2012 at 12:26 AM (1837 Views)
Women are often just as guilty for the maintenance of societal gender roles as men. A female classmate of mine favorably posted this link in her Gchat status. Some of it can be summed up with "stop feeling the need to act stereotypically masculine," which is good advice for everyone. But numbers 8 and 9 make me want to punch all people who subscribed to such chauvinist nonsense:

8. Asserting Power
In no way am I giving you the right to physically or mentally abuse me—there’s nothing that would make me flee faster. What I’m referring to here is being the decision-maker when my indecisiveness gets the best of me, suggesting and planning dates, and standing up to guys who are creepin’ on me (no need for a fist fight—stern words and your arm around my shoulder will do just fine). Not only will I appreciate you filling in when I need you, but I’ll also recognize your strong, solid self, and I’ll like it.

9. Jealousy
This one’s pretty simple. If you’re not jealous, you don’t care. At least, that’s how it looks. But if you get a little hot-and-bothered when my best guy friend calls, or steal me away from another guy making conversation at the bar, it’s validating that you have a vested interest in me and aren’t willing to just let me go. Provided you don’t take it that jealousy to psycho levels, it’s just plain cute.
Notice in 8 that the author (a woman) implies that it is only the woman who who will have these petty indecisive moments, and it's the strong and resolute MAN's job to gently admonish her for her feminine whimsy and decide on a course of action. It is the MAN's appropriate role to be more assertive and decisive and to step in when his woman is being too fluffy-headed. I want to puke.

Number 9 is so common it's painful. Jealously is considered the norm, even proper, and what that entails about trust and maturity in the relationship is ignored. This sort of high school "stay away from my guy/girl" bulltit is so ridiculously immature. First off, they don't belong to you; they are with you by their own choice. Secondly, this sort of "cute" jealously has no place in any serious relationship built on any sort of trust. Such lack of knee-jerk jealously does not demonstrate a "vested interest," but a lack of respect and trust; being comfortable enough to not react to jealous impulses so easily shows a deeper level of caring than reacting possessively. I would only be interested in a woman who not only could take care of herself if some guy tries to chat her up, but who I could trust to do so.
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  1. Jinx's Avatar
    I read this whole article. It made me want to puke as well.

    I have a friend who got married back in October. She's a really awesome girl, and one of my best friends. But one night we were talking about jealousy in a realtionship, and I said there's no such thing as a healthy amount of jealousy. She disagreed.

    I think jealousy is a NATURAL feeling, but not HEALTHY. And I think your actions greatly determine your maturity. Say my hypothetical boyfriend hung out with a friend who was a girl. Would I get A LITTLE jealous? Probably. Would I get INSANELY jealous? Absolutely not. Would I be a bitch or do anything about it? No. That's stupid. And honestly, if you're going to be in a long-term relationship with someone, you should get to know (and try to befriend) their friends.

    As for a guy being jealous--it's not attractive. I broke up with a guy because he was too jealous. When I'd hang out with friends (girls too, but especially guys) he'd be a dick, and send me weird questions trying to trip me up to see if I was lying. I never was. And to me, that showed a lack of trust.

    Anyways, I'm only reiterating what you said, but there you go.
  2. Shaibana's Avatar
    that jealousy can easely be solved, Like u said, get to know that person that makes you jealous.
    and perhaps than you will see that he/she is no threath.

    i know a friend who's BF is extremely jealous. he doesnt even want her to go with the class on a trip :S he called her and didnt trust her. 'who do i on the background?' etc etc...
    if my BF would be like that i would get insane.
  3. Peegee's Avatar
    :D
    hi.

    I can't read the article using work PC (i'll read it on my phone in a sec), but it's often a good thing for men to go on strike. I'm not saying don't get married or don't have sex, but opt out of ANY social role that one doesn't want to entertain.
  4. Sephex's Avatar
    I had a girlfriend years ago that pulled the whole jealousy thing. I told her that her area smelled like a garbage barge.

    This relationship didn't last.

    Anyway, the jealously thing bothers me very much. I've been in a couple of relationships where the girl I was with went insane if any girl was within 500 yards of me. Okay, I'm exaggerating. It was more like 400.
  5. Raistlin's Avatar
    fierytempest: I agree with you. In that same vein, I should qualify that jealousy as a feeling is neither good nor bad, as it is often uncontrollable. Emotions are not rational or irrational, they just are. But we can control how we respond to those emotions. And mature people in mature relationships should recognize that minor jealous feelings are often unwarranted.

    Shaibana: I knew people like that in high school. It was pathetic to me even then.

    Sephex: thankfully, I have never been in a relationship with someone like that. I have a pretty high standard to meet before I even start caring about someone that much, so I probably (and hopefully) never will.
  6. Peegee's Avatar
    :D

    What do you think about the statement 'if you're not jealous you don't care' ? I tend to think jealousy is like how people have been illustrating ITT - if you are concerned it's not because you are jealous.