fire_of_avalon

I'm not a Nervous Nellie, by and large. There are some things I don't like doing because they make me uncomfortable or I simply have a distaste for them, but I don't ever really have much anxiety. It's more like knowing you have to wash the dishes but being a grumpface about it.

That being said, I'm kind of nervous tonight. I started a new job recently with the major hospital and health system in the area. The clinic I'm working in is called a Delta clinic, meaning it's kind of experimental and will be the first of it's kind. It will also be a proving ground for new technologies, clinical and administrative policies and anything else they decide to throw at us.

Don't worry, I won't be serving as a clinician in this facility, I'm an administrative specialist and I've learned a buttload (that's a medical term, I believe) of new systems and information to ensure patient access to the facility runs smoothly. I'm not nervous about new patients coming on board when we open on September 10th.

I'm nervous because tomorrow is our big, huge ceremonial press conference/ribbon cutting/open house/rafflegiveawaycakewalkdunktankkissingbooth whatever. Being exposed to media outlets doesn't scare me - I learned enough about how they work to stay completely off their radar. Basically if I don't want to be on camera I look at the floor and mumble a lot. Unless you're in a really knowledgeable position, most people will leave you alone when they find out how useless you're being.

I am really afraid of reflecting poorly on my bosses and the other staff members. This is my first time doing a job like this and although I've been working my butt off for the last three weeks I have no experience with real live people in this setting. If one of the directors or managers of the project asks me a question I want to be able to respond with confidence. The gulf between what I know how to do and what I have no idea how to do is still far too large for my comfort level and I don't like to be fake about it.

But you can't really pull the look at the floor and mumble trick on your bosses bosses boss and expect to get away with it. So I'll have to look them in the eye and if they ask me a question I'm not sure about, tell them I don't know and try to find out as quick as I can.

I also really hope no one asks me again what I like to do for fun. When you say "Nothing," "I don't know," "Watch movies," or "I don't have fun," people tend to think you're a weirdo. And I am, but people don't need to know that.