snacks

5 years ago, if you'd told me I would own a house, hardly do any living in it for the first year, suffer the next 4 years with a illness that made the house a sort of crutch and then sell it and live with someone else again, I'd probably laugh. I'd probably tell you to shut up.

Then again 5 years ago I didn't know obviously how life truly can turn you upside down and ring you through.

We sold our house 2 weeks ago, the closing was on a Friday and we got to spend one more weekend in the house cleaning our things out. And it never hit me. Being a military brat, it bothered me when I had to move every 4 years but I always knew where I'd be. With my family, in a new town starting over.

And in a way starting over is usually a good thing, right? Starting over especially after using a house as a safe zone, and being able to exit that safe zone and truly test your limits is something that you should do now and again. I type this easier than I can do it, I feel the hands of anxiety grabbing at me as I type. It's awful, it really is.

It didn't really hit me, truly as hard as I thought it would until the other day when we decided that we'd done enough work for the new owner. He'd brought in a professional team who could do the work much faster, and we were mostly screwing around trying to get as much more time in as we can. I'll explain in a moment. We handed over the keys permanently the owner, and as we drove away for the first time W cried. I mean sobbed, the hardest I think I've ever seen him in the 8 years we've been together. We pulled over and sobbed for half an hour, and we regained out composure, and went to the new place we're staying at.

So now we're poor. Our friend's mom graciously let us stay with her until we decide what our next move is. We've lived here before, it was always....well it wasn't the cleanest house but there have been new editions. Roaches and fleas.

We're living in a real life version of Joe's Apartment.

I'm not saying this for sympathy or to make anybody feel sorry, but really whatever you home is, make it your home. Make it yours, don't use it as a crutch. Love that home. I know there will be other homes, I know we will get a new place and it'll be grand but for right now, I'm stuck. I'm stuck killing roaches, and keeping my dog free of fleas.

And for now, maybe this is a lesson I'm supposed to be learning about responsibility. Maybe this is something I'm supposed to be going through to grow up.

So I'm poor.