Vincent, Thunder God
is a name people speak well of
Banned

Originally Posted by Cipher

*sip, sip, passes the cider over... but blinks after a second* Wait, we don't do human sacrifices anymore?

The God Association's security members have been cracking down on that.

Beleive it or not, even Gods can be restrained by annoying regulations.

(SPOILER)Not really. The godless ones have caught on to our smiting and we were forced to stop reducing their population's percentage. Besides, Cruise Control can't find out about that; we're trying to instill more mercy in him, and the truth would corrupt his intents even further. I hope you got rid of all those smiting records, for both reasons.

*sip, sip, passes the cider over... but blinks after a second* Wait, we don't do human sacrifices anymore?

hey i wanna be apart of your cult.....how about the role of the devil/evil guy?

MESA LIKE EVIL PAIN AND DEATH!!! :evilking:

Originally Posted by Goldenboco

I did nothing? HOW DARE HE BURN MY CHOCOBO LOGO! *Prepares chocobuckle*

I can't beleive I forgot to feature you. There are so many members to keep track of in the meetings now, but that still doesn't excuse your absence. I just edited it to give you a few lines.

Oh, and the Chocobo logo was supposed to implicate Loony Bob made the graph. There's an ongoing injoke on the forum about "the terrifying graphs of Loony Bob."

Prog is one of my favourite genres. Rivaled only by the Indie/Garage genre. I'm becoming a big King Crimson fan (I have four of their CDs, In The Court Of The Crimson King, In The Wake Of Poseidon, Lizard, and Larks' Tongue In Aspic), I'm also a fan of Rush, Yes, Pink Floyd, Ayreon, Tool, The Mars Volta, dredg, Jethro Tull, Coheed And Cambria, The Prize Fighter Inferno, The Sound Of Animals Fighting, and I'm currently checking out Queensrÿche. So yeah, I'm a prog fan like yourself.

Lizard isn't my favourite Crimson album to be frank, but (like everything else Crimson has done in my experience) it is still gold. Thanks a lot for the link, I'll definitely make use out of it.

I hope I'm not made of metal.

I did nothing? HOW DARE HE BURN MY CHOCOBO LOGO! *Prepares chocobuckle*

We smite our enemies as usual?

I already offered you a position as a Priest, LunarWeaver, but you didn't want it. You can't be Jesus, lol of my Church because I have no bastard son that I sent down to preach my religion, unlike another God.

And as for tax cuts Martyr, I am not taxed at all. I've already scared off the government bureaucrats with promises of veangeful storms.

And on that note, I think it's time for another Church meeting....

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Originally Posted by Church meetings

MASS

Evastio, High Priest: Welcome my brothers and sisters of Thunderian Worship. Today we will begin with some psalms from the Thunderan..

Link 31793, Shaman: *Clears throat, takes out his gold-bound copy of the Thunderan* 2:12 - And upon the day of his birth, the Heavens called out with cracking peals of thunder and lightning carved the sky. We now call this day Thundermas, and celebrate yearly.

Thah-ah-ah-d-en

5:15 Itsunari 5000, Fire God, had once again corrupted the people of the world, converting them to the Heathen practices of the Pire. Upon returning from an extended session in Theaven (the Thunder God's own portion of Heaven) observing the proceedings of his Cloud Angels, he realized his once beautiful head church had fallen into disrepair.

"Time for some smiting!" he thought. After saving all he could from the evil corruption, he called down a storm that flooded the whole land. He came in a vision to a certain merchant named Floah, and ensured that he had built a strong vessel to carry all of the survivors to safety.

Tha-ah-ah-d-en.

Evastio, High Priest: Thank you, Shaman. Now some hyms to our lord...

Originally Posted by Church meetings

EVENING SERVICE OF THE CHURCH OF THE THUNDER GOD

Evastio, High Priest: "Welcome to the Evening Service fellow worshippers. Tonight we shall sing some hyms in Holy praise of His divine power..."

Link 31793, Shaman: *prepares overhead*

Cruise Control, Monk: *takes out cue, leads chorus of worshippers*

Chorus: "The Lord is my sheperd
He leads us with cracking peals.
He warns us with lightning
He loves us all equally
We obey the Thunderan"

Cruise Control, Monk: *tries not to laugh at the bad singing, fails*

Link 31793, Shaman: *takes out new sheet of lyrics, frowns at Mr.Nosebleed, places new sheet on overhead*

SUDDENLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A worshipper of Itsunari 5000, Fire God, enters the Church and sets a fire.

Evastio, High Priest: "Repent, fool!"

Link 31793, Shaman: "OH NO! Someone get the holy water!"

Cruise Control, Monk: "Worry not, the Thunder God will save us... somehow..."

*as worshippers flee, the Church staff hope for salvation*

Vincent, Thunder God: *viewing the proceedings from his holy seat in Heaven, he quickly solves the problem. Using his powers, he starts a storm just above the Church, saving everyone. * "Damn Heathens!"

(If anyone is wondering, this is part creative writing and part group advertising, but most of all it's satire about all religions.)

PRIVATE DISCUSSION IN THE CHURCH STAFF CHAMBER

Evastio, High Priest: "As you all are fully aware, recently one of the heathens, a devout Piromaniac of the Fire God, set fire to the building. What exactly this entails has yet to be decreed by me and Griff."

Griff, High Priest: *takes out a giant pie graph with a Chocobo logo* "As you can see, this portion of the nearby population, 47%, follows the Thundarians. This 30.5% is of heathen Pire worship, and this 22.5% is without religion."

Cruise Control, Monk: "Ungodly bastards!"

Evastio, High Priest: "Your zeal is commendable my good monk, but your antagonism misplaced. We do not smite those who reject us, but rather hope that we may improve our sermons to convert them "*looks unconvinced; whispers to Cipher to burn the smiting records*

Cipher, Shaman: *runs off*

Griff, High Priest: "As I was saying... our plan is to convince as many non-beleivers as possible and convert as many of the Pire..."

AS IF ON CUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A masked Pyromaniac jumps through the stain-glass Church window and lights the graph on fire. The small Chocobo logo crumples into charred dust and smoke.

Evastio, High Priest: *stands with mouth hanging open*

Griff, High Priest: *Gasps* "You milquetoast!"

Yumi, Shaman: "Whatever shall we do?"

Evastio, High Priest: *stands with mouth hanging open*

link31793, Shaman: "Someone grab the Thundarian cider!"

Cipher, Shaman: *Lights the smiting records afire on a smoking curtain, runs off for the cider*

Goldenboco: "..And the water from my stable stall!"

innocentenshi7, Priest: *screams*

Evastio, High Priest: *stands with mouth hanging open*

Cruise Control: "Worry not, the Thunder God will save us... somehow..."

Vincent, Thunder God: *fumes* "How useless can you pansies be?"

*calls up whirlwinds and cesspools from the nearby coastline, rolling in a tsunami upon the already dillapidated Church*

Goldenboco: We're saved! But what shall we do about these heathen attacks!

The suspense! The action! The drama! The cider! The smiting! What will happen next?!?

So, does owning a church afford you some decent tax breaks?