Meat Puppet
is smoother than a Sky Pirate. You know. Balthier. Not Vaan.

Sometimes I wish I had more to say about people besides "they're ugly"

Uman. I’d be an Uman. A race which comprises of only myself and Uma Thurman.

And not human anymore. Part of an inferior race.

I’d be on life support.

Would you be dead after this? Hopefully you'd be dead, than alive and without a face. So I guess that's not so bad after all.

In a blink of an eye. Which I would still have, if the mother smurfer didn’t eat my face.

The last would be the worst part. You could get over the other ones.

Or sneak into my house while I’m at work and murder my wife and child. And dog. And then blow up my house. And eat my face.

And crawl into your mouth when you're sleeping. Or crawl on you anywhere at all.

The worst is when the assassination fails, and they escape with their life. I always feel that they will seek vengeance.