Meat Puppet
is smoother than a Sky Pirate. You know. Balthier. Not Vaan.

He’d be nothing without me. NOTHING. I made him. Not literally. Not out of clay, or anything grosser. I made him the man he is after he was born. Wait a minute, what the smurf am I talking about? I was not involved with his becoming whatever at all. Don’t listen to me!

It's all Ashton Kutcher's fault, the smurf.

Trucker hats were popular for a while there. Luckily, I did not buy into it.

You don't have a mullet or beer belly. Or a trucker hat? Or a truck. Gun. Kids of your own.

I still check now and again, though. I feel like I’m checking for cancer or something.

At least you're not ACTUALLY a redneck.

Some things about the whole thing get to me. As far as him having a daughter to a wife half his age, that doesn’t bother me. But when I think about it more (having two half sisters, and the possibility that there is another half brother out there somewhere), I just feel like a smurfing redneck. I hate it.

Is it like....hurtful? Does it get to you?

Yeah, don’t even bother trying to call a guy married to someone half his age immature. As much as it may be true.

It seems so immature. Like, you're a grown man...what are you doing? Not that I'm like judging your dad or anything.