No Offense?

Has anybody ever said, "Uh, but, seriously dude. No offense. No offense man. No offense."

I mean, Come On.

First of all, if you're going to say something offensive, then it's offensive. That's that. You're going to be offensive.
If you don't want to be offensive,
DON'T BE!

The reaction I have is

A. The person is so nervous about being offensive when he actually isn't being offensive, that he sounds like he simply has no clue (And honestly probably doesn't. He should just shut up. And he should know that already)

B. The person is being offensive, and the "no offense" thing is a reflexive defensive statement, which is pathetic and, ultimately futile. If you say something offensive to me on purpose like that, saying "no offense" will not take anything back, nor will it prevent me from taking offense anyway.

The topic is actually a fairly serious question:

Can anybody think of a convincing scenario where the phrase "No Offense" can be used effectively?

Or is it just a dumbass statement that ought to be abolished from the language on pain of a good punch in the gut?

I would say that 90% of the time I say "No offense," it's after deliberately and obviously insulting one of my friends in a joking way and then adding to the joke in a hyperbolic manner. Otherwise, its only use is to soften the blow of a generalization that might not hold true in the case of a specific person who happens to be around when you make the statement.

If somebody were to say to me: “No offense, but you are a very smelly man!” I would take no offense from it, and maybe even go clean myself. But if that person was to say: “You are a very smelly man!” I would probably run (and get some rope so I can) tie that offensive fiend to some train tracks

Well, some people don't want others to be offended. Knowing that what they'll say will likely offend someone, saying no offense will let them know that they're about to say something offensive, whether they're offended or not. I usually just see it as a warning signal, like "Hey, I'm going to say something that may offend you."

People simply use it when saying something that could be taken offensively, though their intentions are not in the mode of offense. Rather, their motives are usually along the lines of attempting to remind or bring to attention a particular detail or situation.

Really, in essence, it's a method of saying something bluntly without being overly so.

I completely and utterly agree with you.

i never use it. if i am going to say something offensive, sometimes i'll say 'this is offensive, but...'

No Offense,

But you're in my way.

"No offense" is short for "I don't want to offend you, but I have to be honest." I can dig it.

No offence I tend to use at work rather infrequently but it does happen generally when I'm about to challenge someone for ID on alcohol or something I just say; "No offence and this is probably going to make me look stupid but it's the job, can I see some ID please?" that is a perfectly reasonable time to use that saying.

If I wanna offend someone it's easy I just tell them "I hate you, you suck monkeys"

Q-TIP, Martyr.

Quit
Taking
It
Personally

I lawl at people who say "no offense". its usually followed by an insult. Seriously go up to someone and say "Dont take offense to this, but youre a douchebag." I think theyre gonna take offense.

Some situations work. "No offense but I need to end our phone conversation now". In this case you're clearing up something that would seem offensive on the surface but in fact is not offensive if you look deeply enough; maybe you have a doctor's appointment, and you don't want the person to get the impression that you hate talking to them.

"No offense, but I think you're mistaken"; some people take offense at being wrong about things, but sometimes people are wrong by no fault of their own and it can pay to point it out as gently as possible.

But you can't just say "no offense" and then follow up with anything you want and expect it to be OK. "No offense, but you're a filthy hobo and you smell funny and I hope you die, you ugly pig-dog" just doesn't work. I have heard "no offense" used in this way many times.

Those Bears totally had no offense.

I often say "no offense" when following up a rather vile analogy where I use derogatory words to describe someone usually as a third person type of quote or as an explanation.

When someone in EoEo was mentioning some words for homosexuals I clarified with a list and made it clear that I meant no offense. The same is true any time I use the word nigger to make a point (i.e. If the man said, "You're a filthy nigger", you'd think he was a racist).

There are also a lot of situations where, like Shulp said, you have to be blunt and mostly it's just to reinforce that your comment, which will be interpreted offensively, is not a personal attack. I can attack your religion, but I may not mean a personal offense to you. I'm talking about your religion which only is indirectly related to you so it is not a personal attack.