Don't cry it's only a joke.
(SPOILER)Tell a joke
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Don't cry it's only a joke.
(SPOILER)Tell a joke
once upon a time jesus got nailed to a giant t and the world changed forever
hahaha
On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later on these same absolutely, stunningly beautiful desert (and deserted)Islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois
The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The 2 Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming...
The 2 Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
The 2 Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant, and a laundromat. And have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for the store.
The 2 American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman keeps endlessly complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palmtrees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship with her mother is improving, and at least the taxes are low, and it isn't raining....
The 2 Irish men have divided the Island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture, because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey. But they are satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.
SO, a man and a woman, both newly single, are at a bar. They get to talking, and the guy's like "I just broke up with my ex girlfriend because she wasn't kinky enough for me." The woman replies "No way, I just broke up with my boyfriend for the same reason!"
One thing leads to another and she invites him back to her house. They go to the bedroom and she tells him to wait on the bed while she goes to change. She goes to the bathroom and comes back out decked out in leather and carrying a cat-o-nine-tails. The man is putting on his coat and shoes and about to leave.
The woman asks "Why are you leaving? I thought you said you were into this sort of stuff." To which the man replies: "Oh, I am into kinky stuff - I just had sex with your dog and took a :bou::bou::bou::bou: in your purse."
BA-ZING~~~
I heard this one yesterday:
A man is expecting some test results for his wife when he gets a call from her doctor. The doctor tells him, "Well, Mr. Smith, I don't know how to tell you this, but it seems that your wife's test results got mixed up with another Mrs. Smith. I managed to track down the other results, but we don't know which ones belong to your wife and which belong to the other woman. So your wife either has Alzheimer's or AIDS."
Mr. Smith asked the doctor, "So do we have to re-do the tests then?"
To which the doctor replied, "Unfortunately, your insurance won't cover another set of tests. They did suggest a solution for the problem though."
"Well, what is it?"
"Drive your wife across town and drop her off on a street corner. If she makes it home, don't sleep with her!"
...
...That's the best I can do for now. xP
That's not what she said last night!Quote:
Originally Posted by ShlupQuack
Anyway lol a joke... erm...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side Mother Smurfers! :p
Two monkeys in a bath.
One says: "Ooo ooo ooo"
The other says: "Put some cold in then"
hohoho dad joke ~
This guy walks into a hotel and wants a room, but the clerk tells him the only room available is on the thirteenth floor and it is haunted. The guy says he doesn't care. He gets all ready for bed when he sees a peanut butter slice and he thinks Damn I love peanut butter. He's just about to eat it when he hears "Don't eat the peanut butter slice!" and he jumps out the window and dies. Another guy gets the same room, hears the same thing, and dies the same way. A third guy walks into the hotel and asks for a room and is told by the clerk that the only room available is on the thirteenth floor and is haunted and two people have died there already. The guy says he doesn't care and goes up and gets ready for bed when he sees the peanut butter slice. He's just about to eat it when he hears, "Don't eat the peanut butter slice!". "Shut up, I saw it first" the guy yells and eats it. Then he hears the voice again. "I told you once I told you twice I wiped my butt with the peanut butter slice!"
I heard this when I was 9 I think but this was the first one to come to mind just now.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef.
Politics and/or religion.
Also,
A baby seal walks into a club.
Araciel.
Baduhm cha!
I will fight you.
I don't get it.
Why did the tomato blush?
Cause he saw the salad dressing.
Did anyone get hurt?
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.
Thank you Mr Booga. I'll slap him for that joke later.
What should you do when your dishwasher breaks?
(SPOILER)Hit her