Cake or Death?

What are your favourite lines/jokes from comedians and the like?

“Cause, "Cake or death?" That's a pretty easy question. Anyone could answer that.
"Cake or death?"
"Eh, cake please."
"Very well! Give him cake!"
"Oh, thanks very much. It's very nice."
"You! Cake or death?"
"Uh, cake for me, too, please."
"Very well! Give him cake, too! We're gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?"
"Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry..."
"You said death first, uh-uh, death first!"
"Well, I meant cake!"
"Oh, all right. You're lucky I'm Church of England!" Cake or death?"

WIN....

...I guess I had to be there

Not an Eddie Izzard fan? *face palm*

Thats one of eddie izzards best shows, but yeah, you had to watch it yourself.

Do you have a flag?

You know this is the second time I've read that joke and it still isn't really funny without having seen it performed :(

Yeah writing it out killed it rather a lot. Let's just put links to performances?

Eddie's jokes arent funny unless it's Eddie saying it.

The only thing Greece has that Turkey doesn't is good neighbors.

the cake is a lie...
:shifty:
had to

"I think they named oranges before they named carrots.
What are these?
Theyre orange, we'll call them oranges.
What about those?
...oh crap... long pointies?"

YouTube - Demitri Martin

If it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college. ;)

Note: This is Patton Oswalt, so it's pretty vulgar. :p

YouTube - Patton Oswalt: Death Bed

Anything that Mitch or George said. Uh, that's George Carlin so uhhh no young ears should hear that. Especially if they once watched Thomas the Tank Engine for all their hopes and dreams will be shattered.

Oh oh oh, and obligatory RIP Mitch Hedberg and George Carlin~~~

Anything from Jeff Dunham.