Welcome to Pandamonium (A joke on the villians)

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Not too long after his question, another portal opens and out comes the Emperor. "No, no, no! I was SO close! I almost had my way with that effing world! But those stupid Rebels just had to get in my way!"
:place w:st="on">Garland:place> approaches: "Huh? Who are you!?"
The Emperor: "What do you mean 'who am I?’ Who are you?
Garland: "I am :place w:st="on">Garland:place>, ruler of Darkness but…"
The Emperor cuts him off: "And I am the Emperor, ruler of Pandemonium… although it seems fate’s hand has been switched and I am now in Pandemonium… with you.”
Both: *sigh in depression*
Suddenly a portal of pure darkness opens and Cloud of Darkness falls out.
Both stand back in awe as the watch her pick herself up and blush as they look upon what she was wearing…
Both G & E’s jaws drop.
Cloud of Darkness: “Don’t stare! And oh, gee, thanks for helping me off the ground!”
Doth G & E: *silent, jaws still dropped*
Suddenly, a noise is heard in another room connected to the ‘dinning room’. As all three investigate the noise they find another portal has opened in the kitchen and find Golbez.
Golbez: “What! This is not the place of light…”
Emperor: “That’s because you’re in Pandemonium.”
Golbez: “That… cannot… be!”
A big orb of darkness appears that get the senses tingling from Cloud of Darkness...
CoD: “I sense something like that to the Void… but… it’s different… somehow!”
Suddenly the Void fades, leaving behind X-Death/Ex-Death/Exdeath.
X-D: “No! How could the Void do that to ME! Bartz was so close to being finished!”
Golbez: “Same with Cecil…”
CoD: “…and the Onion Kid…”
Emperor: “…and Ferion…”
:place w:st="on">Garland:place>: “and with the Warrior of Light who apparently, along with the Onion Kid, doesn’t actually have a name… just a title. How do we, villains, get beaten by titles?!”
:p> :p>
They all then begin to explain their stories in more detail to each other in the dinning room, how they died, and what their plans were in life… but (as you probably could have guessed) a portal opens directly above the table and Kefka falls through, landing on his feet.
Kefka: “No! No! NO! NO! NO! NO! Unbelievable! I just HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, them! Inconceivable! How could this happen!?”
Kefka realizes his is being watched by the others. “What are you staring at? Kneel before Kefka, the god!”
Golbez: “A god?”
Kefka explains what happened and just as he was finished with how he absorbed the powers of the Espers, the Emperor interrupts…
“Ah, so you lied!”
Kefka: “Lied!? Why you! What do you mean I lied?!”
:place w:st="on">Garland:place>: “Simple you little chatter clown; you absorbed powers that of magick, therefore you became a quote unquote god… but of magick. But you didn’t cast Auto-Life on yourself…”
Kefka mimics him in spite: “But you didn’t cast Auto-Life on yourself… phooey! Neither did any of you!”
Suddenly fragments begin to appear around the room but begin to come together and form Sephiroth across the table… with his (7ft long) Masamune….
Sephiroth: &@%^! I was so close to becoming a god...
Emperor steps aside with the other villains except Sephiroth or Kefka.
Emperor: “Here’s another wacko with another god-like self-complexion but a needed compensation for ‘something’.”
All other villains begin to snicker.
Sephiroth eyes at the villains: “What are you laughing at?”
Kefka: “Yeah, cause if there’s a joke or a prank… I want in on it!!!”
Emperor: “Oh, it’s nothing. Anyways, tell us your story…”
Sephiroth: “Humph, well seeing as I have nothing better to do while I wait…”
Sephiroth begins to tell his conquest and that which happened in Nibelheim, (which he always seemed to go back and change because he said he couldn’t get the part right) and finally how he died. (This takes about 2 years to finish)
Kefka: “You copycat! I was the one who thought of Heartless Angel… get your own move!”
Sephiroth pushes his sword through Kefka’s heart: “Don’t test me!”
Kefka stunned for a moment realizes he doesn’t feel pain: “Huh! Why am I still alive! Why doesn’t this hurt!”
Golbez steps forward: “For one, you are already dead; you cannot die for you have no where else to go…”
Exdeath continues: “And for another, his sword seemed to have no affect…”
The Emperor then moves his staff to push Sephiroth’s Masamune out of Kefka, but it passes through…
Emperor: “Care to explain, Sephiroth?”
Sephiroth: “It must mean that my plan is working…”
Kefka: “Wait, I thought your plan had to do something with Meteo… I mean Meteor…”
Sephiroth: “That plan failed, so I had a fail-safe ready…” He raises his sword above him and holds back an unseen force then fades…
:p> :p>
Kefka: “What! He got to go back! And here I was almost getting to know the guy and wanting to call him Sephy…”
He begins to pout as the others talk for about 6 minutes 7 seconds.
Suddenly black feathers appear and Sephiroth reappears… “NO! Not Again! I will never be a memory, Cloud!” Shaking a fist in the air and spreading his black wing.
:place w:st="on">Garland:place>: “You have got to be kidding me… you were killed not once… but twice!”
:p> :p>
Now that you have a basics try to complete this little story I thought of… it was intended to be funny, but obviously it is drawn out too much… so please add plenty of humor where it’s needed… I had fun with it and hoped to complete it but, got too tired to continue…

Copy from notepad first, it makes it easier to read. :p

I think even after that, it would be hard to read this.

Just to satisfy my curiousity, I decided to randomly select a line to read.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Unus Volatilis Angelus

The Emperor then moves his staff to push Sephiroth’s Masamune out of Kefka, but it passes through…

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Hm...

Also, Ultimecia, Kuja, Sin (or whoever the villain is in X) and Vayne are notably absent.

...

I fear I may have read too much.

This satisfies my villain fanfic needs.