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What the smurf did I just do?
Ok, so I've just done a terrible thing on the first day of the year no less.
What did I do?
Why I let curiousity get the better of me and as we know, curiousity killed the cat. I'm now currently hoping it doesn't kill me too!
What I hear you cry could be so terrible? I'll tell you good, dear friends, I'll even show you! I'll even describe to you the details in levels you may never wish to know. I ate 2 chicken burgers.
What! Wait I hear you cry, Chicken burgers seriously Steve, get a grip! How can you be calling this the worst terrible idea you've had ever?
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Those my friends are the burgers I ate, Yankee frozen burgers. In fact all you need to do is put the frozen burger in a microwave for 90 seconds. 45 on one side, 45 on the other, leave to stand for 30 seconds and eat. Well I hear you cry, maybe this was a pleasant surprise! (SPOILER)it wasn't trust me, I'm going to die of botulism
What does one of these burgers frozen in a bag look like?
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Pretty much like that ironically the bag looked identical prior to cooking and after cooking, if you must know this was after cooking. I have to admit by this point I'd eaten the first and decided this was share worthy for if something was going to kill me the world needed to know why they'd been deprived of the glory of Steve. (SPOILER)The world it seems consists of EoFF members only.
Without it's bag the burger looks kinda bad, it was a warning of things to come, I should have listened to my stomach go "smurf no" but I thought after eating so many weird and wonderful things why balk at this it can't seriously be that bad? (SPOILER)It was, I just wish it was scorpions or ants again anything but this!
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Bet y'all sitting there thinking "but that looks harmless enough right?" I would describe the supposed chicken as more of a rat like texture with a skin of breadcrumbs, at least I know how Sly Stallone felt in Demolition man when he ate that rat burger, or perhaps I know how Sandra Bullock felt watching him eat that burger? Or perhaps it's a combination of the two for my abject revulsion and horror was matched only by my inability to stop myself eating them both! However my fear is that the meat will not be what kills me. For no the meat was nothing if not a side show to the bread rolls, Bread should be one of two things: Soft or Crusty in the case of sesame seeded burger baps it ought to be SOFT this bread if that is what it truly was and not the skin flakes of some demonic entity was neither of those things, it wasn't dry but it wasn't soggy either somehow it merely reminded me of trying to chew playdoh which is ironic because I'm very much certain that playdoh would've tasted better and also would've parted better at the ends of my teeth, my teeth which have punched clean through glass, gouged steel railings and many other things could barely get this bread to tear!
I fear that this will be the end of me.
So tell me to allay my fears or to make me feel better about the terrible decision to let curiousity murder me...what terrible decisions have you made lately and how did they play out?
