Overwhelming Power

Okay, you'll most likely crack a smile or think less or me, but here I go!

I had some serious issues concerning my self-confidence, purpose and direction in life. I felt insecure about practically everything and I was constantly doubting myself in every single aspect of my life.

I have always been relatively nice to look at, or so people have told me my entire life. "What a cute child", or "you should try out modelling", and superficial crap like that. It seriously destroyed my self-perception. For years and years I practically ate nothing and it got so bad, and I hit 55 kg. Now, being a grown man of 23 (I'm 25 now) and 5'10" that is disturbingly minimal.

Now, I am not kidding you when I tell you that FFVII once again pulled me out of the abyss. I know I sound like a pathetic fanboy and whatnot, but the impact a single game and the memories of playing it can have on you, is without equal and should not be undermined or ridiculed. When I hit 55 kg, I was told by my doctor that I had to start eating or I would eventually shut down. Where was I? Oh, I heard a piece of "Anxious Heart", I don't recall where or when, but all of good memories came flooding back. I started playing the game again, and I slowly began to recover. Not saying that it alone did the trick, but it kick-started the recovery process.

What do you think? Why do you think a simple game like this one could hold so much power? I mean, I've been asking myself the same question over and over again. It's a freaking computer game.

Wow, been meaning to get that off my chest for a long time.

I think that's just the power of entertainment in general; it takes you out of your reality and lets your mind wander from the stresses of life. Throw in some nostalgia and you've got a winner.

I completely understand your attachment to this game. It is still for me, the greatest game I have ever played. I can literally pick out any moment and it is like thinking back on my happiest childhood memories. Even just the little moments like when you get the option take the treasure from the birds nest on the train tracks to Corel... and Barret's reaction to seeing them. That still makes me smile thinking of it (I never took the treasure, by the way!).

I'm glad it has had such an impact for you. Is there nothing my beloved FFVII can't do?

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Originally Posted by Chris

Now, being a grown man of 23 (I'm 25 now) and 5'10" that is disturbingly minimal.

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I know how you feel, but I am basically 16 years old, I hope I grow more.:eek:

I actually have a short story relevant to this. For the first half of last year I was pretty healthy and things were going great. But in the middle of the year, there was a three month period where I had gone from almost 160 lbs. to about 118. Depression had led to a decrease in appetite, and the resulting loss of energy led to less exercise, which wasn't helped by the fact that I have a naturally high metabolism.
I was bored one day and started playing some old PSX roms. Legend of Legaia, Brave Fencer Musashi, Threads of Fate, Thousand Arms, and the like. They weren't holding my attention very well at first, but once I started spending more time on them individually (as in spending the day playing a single game instead of getting a little bit done in each) I was more immersed in the worlds and eventually I started eating better. And now here I am, 172 lbs. and healthier than before. Like you said, it wasn't the only thing that made a difference, but it played a big role in keeping me from hitting the point of no return. Without Suikoden 2 specifically, I think I could have withered away.

Something similar has happened to me before. That's why when someone says they are depressed, I tell them to force themselves into doing something enjoyable. People tend to bounce back if they are being entertained by, well, entertainment!

I want to thank each and every one for your kindness.

I'm not going to sit here and claim that everything is perfect two years after, but things are definitely infinitely better than they were. I agree with all of you. Memories are a powerful thing, and especially good ones. And if you add a pinch of nostalgia, well... It helped me more than words could possibly describe.

It must be the most amazing feeling for an artist to hear that their work has helped someone somewhere out there. I can't even imagine how that must feel for an artist.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Chris

I had some serious issues concerning my self-confidence, purpose and direction in life. I felt insecure about practically everything and I was constantly doubting myself in every single aspect of my life.

I have always been relatively nice to look at, or so people have told me my entire life. "What a cute child", or "you should try out modelling", and superficial crap like that. It seriously destroyed my self-perception..

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I was right there with you till that self-perception bit. But then, my self-perception was shattered at age 6 on the death of my sib, so no one blame.
Media sure has been a help to me over the years I've spent wavering along the thin-gray-line trying to decide if my glass was half-full or half-spent. I suppose some percentile 'd attrib to GTF&JC at least in so much as I was raised to live life "not for myself" so I was forced to consider how my negative thoughts and feelings impacted those around me. Negative not simply implying strictly my negativity but the darkness I tried to hide through feigned happiness symbolized by dim laughter and half-smiles and a day-to-day goofiness I felt was required to lift the spirit of those around me.
For me, the problem with being the glue that sustains a complex construct such as family or community is one's susceptibility to feeling too responsible. The roles that others play begin to feel less important the more one believes they can't reveal the truth of what they're feeling. When you've no one to rely on for support through your journey whether your decisions seem right to them or not, that's the definition of loneliness. No matter how many people surround you and love you, if you don't feel they actively support you, they're meaningless.
I spent the better part of my life confiding in my parents. These many years later, only two others have gained my trust. Four still feels to me like a small number; I can't tell all of them the same things and there are some secrets I feel none of them will understand. But I have them. People to talk to. People I trust. Given the alternative... four is more than enough.
Point in fact, we all suffer, but we don't need to if we have the support of others and we rely on that support not as a crutch but as a... light in the dark.