Let's Play Final Fantasy IV

Hello young people! I'm being forced to take a vacation from turning over the tables of the moneychangers in the temple under threat of incarceration, so I figured I'd relax for a spell and produce a let's play here for ya! This time I'm sticking with still images, because videos are a pain in the butt.

So without further adieu, I give you

SPOONIEST PLAYS FINAL FANTASY 4
Attachment 48596

This game was my introduction to Final Fantasy. I first played this retranslated version in 1997, I think, when I first got the internet, and began immediately getting into emulation. Playing Final Fantasy with a keyboard like an idiot...

Attachment 48597

Airships had long been a dream of mankind. But soon, like all mankind's gifts, it was used to create impossibly hot fantasy women (don't worry, we'll get to them).

Attachment 48598

Soldier (holding cell phone): Sir! A text message from Lady Rosa! She wants to know if you remembered to pick up her Hi Potions while you were in Mysidia.

Attachment 48599

Cecil: Ugh...tell her I'll get 'em in Agart and that I love her and she's special, or something.

Soldier: Yes sir! (POW...Not on my ship)

Attachment 48600

Soldier: ...I feel so violated

Spirits of Murdered Mysidians: Ehehehehehe...

Attachment 48601

MODE 7 EFFECTS!!! IS A FLASHBACK! GET IT???

Attachment 48602

Cecil: Hand over the crystal of (beep) (gets out phone) Hi Potions? NOW?! Ugh. Just kill everyone but the old guy, he looks like he'll be useful later.

Attachment 48603 Attachment 48604

Attachment 48605 Attachment 48606

Attachment 48607 Attachment 48608

Attachment 48609 Attachment 48610

Rape and pillage to your heart's content! Kupo!

Attachment 48611

Old Guy: You'll be getting a strongly worded letter from our lawyer, mister! I don't like your attitude! :mad2:

Attachment 48612 Attachment 48613

Soldiers: We gotta stick it to the man! Let's legalize Mysidia! UNITY!!!

Attachment 48614 Attachment 48615

Attachment 48616 Attachment 48617

Attachment 48618 Attachment 48619

Cecil: Because Mysidia has annoying music, no women and bad food! That's reason enough to want to take the Water Crystal. Do you know it produces free bourbon?!

Soldiers: YES SIR! (POW...Not on my ship)

Attachment 48620

There's a limit of 25 images per post, or something. I don't feel like futzing with it, so next time, Cecil completes his Picard speech For Evulz.

~ ii

We apologise for the delay in the completion of the presentation

Attachment 48622 Attachment 48623

Soldier: (beep) Lady Rosa
Cecil: Not now!!

Attachment 48624 Attachment 48625

So then they get some action going on to reassure the player that they're not going to be skipping through text boxes for all 40 hours it'll take them to play FF4.

Attachment 48626

I wonder if this line was ever spoken in Star Wars? It's certainly a Star Trek staple.

Attachment 48627 Attachment 48628

Attachment 48629

First up we fight some "Float Eyes." That's a meaningful name.

Attachment 48630 Attachment 48631

Bailiff: Cecil, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

Cecil: Yes, I do... ... ... ...you bastard.

Attachment 48632 Attachment 48633

This guy sometimes gets an attack in, and sometimes does not. I used to think it was good luck if he missed.

Attachment 48634 Attachment 48635

POW...Not on my ship

Attachment 48636 Attachment 48637

Attachment 48638 Attachment 48639

Something is happening.

Attachment 48640

CECIL'S AIRSHIP JUST LANDED ON THE PRISON OMG

- ii

Nice start, I'll be keeping my eye on this thread.

Attachment 48720

I like to imagine Beigan as being played by George Takei. So that. Oh myyyy...

Attachment 48722

Oh myyyy!

Attachment 48723

Beigan: What's with the Hi Potions?
Cecil: ...

Attachment 48724

Is there not a doorknob on that door, or is it just me?

Attachment 48725

The King and Beigan need some alone time...oh myyyy!!

Attachment 48726

Ah, Beigan. Come, whisper your secret information into my tender ears...

Attachment 48727

King: Do you think it was the completely arbitrary orders I gave him to murder the Mysidians and steal the Crystal of Water?
Beigan: ...Naaaah. He's just a prick.

Attachment 48728 Attachment 48729

Attachment 48730

Here we see that Beigan's nose is buried so far up King Baron's ass that it's hard to tell where the two separate.

Attachment 48731

SUCKER

Attachment 48732 Attachment 48733

Why does this come off like they're checking the drug they've just bought to see if they're real? No matter how you cut it, King Baron's kind of creeping out here...geez.

Attachment 48734 Attachment 48735

GUILTY CONSCIENCE IN TWO FRAMES OF ANIMATION

Attachment 48736

Aaaaand here's where Cecil gets troutcanned.

Attachment 48737 Attachment 48738

Attachment 48739 Attachment 48740

All of this would have been ok, I think, all things being equal. But...

Attachment 48741

This gives Ol' King Baron the excuse he needs to utterly lose his trout.

Attachment 48742

King Baron: You insolent little pile of monkey saliva!
Cecil: Your Majesty! ...(how do you pile saliva...?)...

Attachment 48743 Attachment 48744

NEXT TIME: Cecil continues getting troutcanned.

Haha, I think you hit the nail on the head with the Takei thing.

Attachment 48838 Attachment 48839

Attachment 48840

Totes troutcanned.

Attachment 48841

Cecil seems to think that it's going to help to repeatedly say "Your Majesty," as though implying the majesticness of the King will somehow make up for all the crap he just said.

Attachment 48842

King: Or Eidolons or Espers or whatever they're called, leave me and Beigan alone with our crystals!
Beigan: OH MYYY!!
Cecil: Your Majesty!

Attachment 48843 Attachment 48844

Attachment 48845

And here we meet Cecil's bestie, the Dragon Knight Kain. His armor: badass. His cape: badass. His badassness: don't even @#$ing ask, you little @##$@

Attachment 48846

King: STOP SAYING THAT!

Attachment 48847

King: SILence!

Attachment 48848

In the original SNES, it's the "Package," and on the DS it's the "Carnelian Signet." But in this case, Bomb is a summon, so it makes sense that you'd be taking a ring associated with a summon to a village of summoners. Either that, or Cecil and Kain are just too dumb to live.

Attachment 48849

King: NO, YOUR MAJESTY @#$@#!!!

Attachment 48850 Attachment 48851

Attachment 48852

Kain: Thanks for getting me fired along with you, dumbass. Did you have to keep saying "Your Majesty!!!" "Your Majesty!!!"???

Attachment 48853

Always, ain't that right...in the SNES version, Kain launches into a tutorial, but J2e seems to have either dispensed with it to add more color text, or this is simply not present in the original Japanese. I don't know, I just work here.

Attachment 48854 Attachment 48855

Next time: NOW ARE THE FOXES!

Attachment 48856

(My wild and crazy configuration) ~ ii

Attachment 49946

Welcome back to Let's Play FF4. It's time to examine a revolutionary plot device in RPGs at the time.

Attachment 49947

The steady girlfriend. :3

Attachment 49948

Rosa: And you got my Hi Potions right?
Cecil: (gives Rosa Hi Potions)
Rosa: Where's my change?
Cecil: (gives Rosa change)
Rosa: Where's my kiss?
Cecil: ... :*
Rosa: Good dog!

Attachment 49949 Attachment 49950

Rosa: Oh, dear. And the music was terrible wasn't it?
Cecil: God yes!

Attachment 49951

Cecil: What? Why are you yelling?
Rosa: I just like to yell! Sometimes!

Attachment 49952

HUBBA FLUBBA WABBA ZABBA

Attachment 49953

So here's where we meet this game's Cid.

Attachment 49954 Attachment 49955 Attachment 49956

Correct me if I'm wrong, but this might be the youngest Cid in the series outside of FF2j. This time around, we go with the "blabbermouth old fart" angle. I don't know if this is meant to emphasize the fact that Cecil is pretty talkative as RPG heroes of that time go or what...

Attachment 49957

And watch, he gets...

Attachment 49958 Attachment 49959 Attachment 49960 Attachment 49961 Attachment 49962

Instantaneously interrupted and subjected to the entire life story of this guy who the player has just met and never expected to be reading such a huge wall of text in what's only a video game, right? Goodness, this is a lot of story. You get the feeling that there was some vast increase in the number of letters they could tell the game to store in its memory between now and FF3...oh wait there was! Final Fantasy IV was the first game released for the Super Nintendo (or Super Famicom, if you will).

Attachment 49963

On the other hand, the maid knows how to keep her mouth shut.