There is a story going around where I work about one of the most legendary crimes in this area’s history. The significance of this case cannot be overstated, and the police have pursued these villains to the full extent of the law. I rest easier at night knowing that these sort of horrible criminals will be thoroughly prosecuted.
A woman, let’s call her Alice (names changed to protect the horrifically guilty), works at a university. She notices that a tub of roughly $60 worth of candy intended for a university club is almost all gone. Alice then took the noble step and contacted the authorities to report this heinous crime. Someone else, let’s call call him BoBb, then admitted to have taken most of the candy, and offered to reimburse the club. The police charged Bob with misdemeanor theft with a value under $100 (maximum possible punishment: 90 days in jail and/or $500 fine). Hurray, a villain brought to justice!
But the person who admitted to taking the candy was not the only villain here. No, the university police recognized what a truly horrific crime this was, and so launched a full investigation, spanning over a week and consisting of multiple witness interviews and statements. It was a good thing, too, because this thorough investigation revealed the following criminals who had been hiding in plain sight, and who would have otherwise escaped justice:
1. A man, let’s call him Chris, was a worker who had originally put the candy in a storage closet for safekeeping. When doing so, he noticed that there was an open box of Airheads. He subsequently stated that he had taken one or two Airheads from the box whenever he passed by it over the previous week.
Chris was charged with theft under $100.
2. Another woman, let’s call her Darla, said that she was the one who had ordered Chris to put the candy in the storage closet for safekeeping. After doing so, she noticed that there was an open box of Airheads. She stated that she had taken a single Airhead.
Darla was charged with theft under $100.
3. Upon further interrogation, Alice stated that when she noticed the candy was missing and called the police, she noticed that there were just a few small Snickers bars remaining in an open package. She stated that she allowed her staff to take them since the rest was already missing.
Alice was charged with theft under $100.
Thankfully, the thorough police investigation revealed these fiends for who they truly were: beasts who would dare to take a piece of candy that was out in the open. My town, our country, and the entire world will be a safer place once these perpetrators have been brought to justice.
Topic: what little things do you steal or have stolen that would make you liable for SERIOUS CRIMINAL PROSECUTION if your area had such brave and noble police officers as the ones who investigated the Great Candy Caper?
