ToriJ Plays Spider-Man 2 Enter: Electro (Picture Heavy)

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Say hello to Spider-Man for the Sony PlayStation. I thought I would play this game in honor of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 coming out this Friday. So, without further ado, let's get this party started :cool:

But first we have a "Previously on Spider-Man" scene recapping what happened in the first game.

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It's Doc Ock!

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Spider-Man!

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Spider-Man. What are you doing? Stahp!

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It's Sam Rami's favorite character![/sarcasm]

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GET YOUR OWN GAME DAREDEVIL!

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Ooh, Black Cat. You can stay.

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LOOK OUT BLACK CAT!

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WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

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Now we're at our main screen where we get to see the man himself. Spider-Man! Now, I'm not saying I'm Spider-Man. I'm just saying you've never seen me and Spider-Man in the same place. We can play game nao?

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Nope! More cut-scenes. Looks like we have a Sith Lord on our hands.

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He's just ugly enough to be a Sith, too. Put your hood back on!

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Oh. I guess he wasn't a Sith. You look utterly ridiculously, dude.

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I TAKE IT BACK! I TAKE IT BACK!

In case you haven't figured it out yet, that was Electro. Our main villain. He shouts out "Soon!" like a lame comic book villain (Get it? Because he's a comic book-- It's funny) and then flies with his body surrounded in electricity. Then we cut to a screen showing the front page of the newspaper.

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LMAO! Did someone honestly go to the prison just to take that picture? I see we have Scorpion, Rhino and Mysterio in the background there. Hah! Take that, Rhino. You woman beater. *reads the headline* HEY! Smurf you, Jameson, you piece of crap!

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While out and about I run into a friendly furry face in the form of Beast. Beast is using big complicated words in an attempt to sound smarter to the audience, between you and me I think he's insecure about the whole shedding thing. Or his part in First Class, I don't know. He begins to quiz me on what I know about the basic game mechanics starting off with my trusty Spidey Compass.

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Hey it's the Fantastic Four HQ. This game is just filled with fanservice. I'm going on top of the Fantastic Four building!

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Told ya I'd do it. This shot is kind of bad. My super speed must be too much for the camera. Moving on...

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Beast and I are trying to have a friendly conversation and this guy just walks right up and starts punching me repeatedly in the head. How rude! He even threw a freaking grenade at me! I show him a lesson in proper manners by punching him repeatedly in the face until he goes down and continue my lesson with Beast. After learning about how to refill my web cartridge, health and L1 aiming Beast can see I'll do just fine protecting this city but offers a chance to train in the Danger Room back at the X-Mansion. Well, I can't turn down an offer like that so I agree to go.

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More fanservice! Can I just say the Danger Room have seen better days? I'm getting a mighty big Metal Gear V.R. Training Missions vibe from it. The buildings just look terrible transparent and you don't know if there's a wall in front of you at times or not. I'm told to practice my web swinging by turning the green spaces blue and avoiding the red spaces. Piece of cake.

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I meant to do that. Don't want to outshine the X-Men or anything.

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We make it to the next training stage which is meant to test my web pulling ability. As you can see I have that pretty well written down. Xavier couldn't even finish a sentence! That what he gets for talking in my head. Creeper.

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The stage after that is for zip lining. I'm only allow to zip line to the green spaces. I can't touch the red or black spaces. Racist.

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After that they wanted me to take out some targets with my web balls, so I did! And all I have to show for it is this stuffed bear. That I would have... IF I WAS AT A CARNIVAL! What am I supposed to tell Mary Jane when I get home?

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All right, this next training stage is perhaps the hardest one in the whole batch. Once again I can't touch the black spaces. I have to zip line across the ceiling and I can't web swing either.

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The best way to go about this is to get as close to the corner of the space as you can and line up your jump. You have to drop down, move yourself forward with the up D-Pad and press R1 before hitting the ground and then praise to your deity of choice that you don't touch the black area on the ceiling. To make matters worse the controls are unresponsive at times when you move to the left or right so it makes it harder to line up your jump just right.

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Oh good, it looks like I'm coming up to the end here.

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OH COME ON!

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Is this the end?

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Nope!

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I get to a pretty wide gap here that's going to take a good attempt to get across it.

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As if the stage and controls weren't bad enough, there are times where Spider-Man will zip up faster than you can react and because your finger is still on the R1 button...

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Game over. You zip right down to the floor before you even know what hits you.

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Um, guys... I'm touching the black space. Do I get a penalty? No? Okay, I'm just going to keep going then. Now to just leap across to the next--

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GODDAMMIT! Now I can't even get back to the place I was.

After another try I get back to the wide leap. Okay, Spiedy, just concentrate. You can do it. You can do it. If you can just get over there...

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I missed the square. This time I missed the smurfing square! You know what? Smurf it! Smurf the Danger Room! Smurf the X-Men! And smurf the people who designed this piece of trout! I HATE IT! *throws the controller across the room*

To Be Continued

I like the way this is going, also Dammit Spiderman!

Fun fact: If you play that level in Kid's Mode they have a green path lit on the floor so you can just walk to the end. No! Children should have to suffer just like the rest of us!

Those are some god damn fruity outfits right there.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Psychotic

Those are some god damn fruity outfits right there.

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Welcome to the world of comic book horror. A fashion's designer worst nightmare.

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So, I'm just relaxing reading the newspaper and taking a spidey dump when I hear some commotion coming from the city below. Upon further examination I see a guy in a brown cloak (this better be a Jedi) running from a building with a couple of goons.

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BLOWING UP BUILDINGS! I'm only on the second level and already there's mass destruction being done to the city. Come on, guys, you're not making New York look anymore appealing to tourists.

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Before the guy takes off on his motorcycle I manage to put a spidey tracer on him so I can follow him to wherever it is he's going. I see he has a briefcase of some kind and I can only assume he has some business elsewhere since he's in a hurry. I'm cornered by his goons and end up being shot at. You know, for a city with some of the strictest gun laws in the books, there sure are a lot of people with guns here.

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"These guys are up to something," I say immediately after seeing a building explode and being shot at by thugs. As if I have to remind myself that these guys are up to no good in spite of everything I've just witnessed. I take out the thugs and begin my patrol of the city.

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Nothing is safe in New York, not even parked cars. You know, this would make a pretty good Geico commercial. I'm a nice person so I web up the car's windows to put out the fire and continue on my way down the road.

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SERIOUSLY?! WHERE ARE YOU GETTING ALL OF THESE EXPLOSIVES?! WHY ARE THERE NO POLICE AROUND?! You guys have some issues you need to work out. Here, let me punch you some more.

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After dealing with the thugs I web yank the lid off the fire hydrant to put out the flames in the building. I hope no one was in there. What's this? River Street? Very funny, game. Very funny...

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I make it to an alley only to find myself surrounded by thugs. Oh no, it's an ambush! What ever am I going to do?

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Eat spider web, bitch! I go into a dome made entirely out of webbing and release it sending a shockwave to the surrounded thugs. That'll make them think twice before messing with me again. Even though that one guy is no selling like Hulk Hogan.

I noticed that the signal on my spidey tracer is getting weaker so I head up to the rooftops to go after the motorcycle where I run into even more thugs trying to stop me. They must REALLY not want me to catch up to the motorcycle because...

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THEY HAVE MACHINE GUNS! SMURFING MACHINE GUNS! What the smurfing smurf!? Now I have to take out gunners and web up their machine guns before somebody get hurt, particularly me! This is going to be a long night.

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I make it to a bridge that goes across the other side of town and before I can even get on it I slip and fall to my death!

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"Wonderful!" I say just before my spidey splash. I tried to web swing when I should have web zipped. If you web swing when you should have web zipped, you're gonna have a bad time!

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I eventually remember how to properly walk and make it across the bridge and up to a ledge of a building where I get cornered by this guy (man that's a terrible picture). I don't get more than two shots in before he falls off the ledge to his death with a hilarious, "UFGH!" I am now a murderer.

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I make it to a warehouse where our mysterious villain meets another mysterious villain in a purple suit and hat. What is it with the sudden need to go incognito? The purple one tells the brown one that he's being followed. The Grey Jedi says he knows (he can sense me probably) and tells the purple guy to go on ahead.

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I am walking right into another ambush. I'm convinced now that the world hates me.

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It doesn't take me long for my spidey sense to inform me I'm walking into a trap and I get shoot by more thugs. The warehouse is covered in them and I have to take them out one by one before I can get any answers. The camera is closer to me for some reason and at one point in the game decides it isn't going to follow behind me anymore, it just stays at my side while I try to turn around and see what the hell I'm doing. Okay, I see how it is. Despite these overwhelming odds of bad game mechanics and large number of thugs, I manage to beat them all leaving one guy to interrogate.

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As you can expect he's being about as cooperative as a thug working for a Jedi would be, so I decide some enhanced interrogation techniques are in order.

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How's the view from down there? The thug cracks and tells me that his boss was talking about an airfield in Hangar 18. So I kindly let him down and that's when the Jedi finally reveals himself!

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That's not what a Jedi looks like.

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His attack is heading right for the thug, so being the good person I am, I stand in the way and get knocked through some crates. The villain, Shocker, continues to knock me through some more crates.

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"You like that, huh?" Not really, no. "Well hold still because you're going to love this!" I'm sure that sounded cool in your head.

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The Shocker boss fight. You're working on a time limit because if that flame reach the barrels the warehouse is going to blow. The trick is to drop crates on Shocker using your web yank ability. Sounds easy, right? Just auto target and down triangle? No. Smurf you! Not only does the targeting button not want to work, you have Shocker on your ass 24/7. This would be fair if not for the fact that Shocker is programed to be faster than you. You're slow as a snail compare to him. You can't perform any of your moves fast enough before he hits you. You don't have enough time to try to web yank the crate because he's going to be blasting you and need that time to even do anything with the crate. Even when you fall down to the floor you take FOREVER getting back up to your feet. All you can do is run like a bitch and hope for the best because he NEVER stops shooting at you!

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I finally do manage to target the crate but because I'm trying to act fast enough to drop it on Shocker's head before he hits me again I mess up and end up dropping the thing on my own smurfing head! As Ocelot would say, "YOU IDIOT!"

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Wonderful.

I did not know this was a thing that existed

Makes sense. Blow up a building. Go to jail. That happens to everyone at least once!

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After another try I manage to drop a crate on Shocker out of sheer dumb luck and it takes out all his health in one go. I grab him out of the rubble and carry him out of the warehouse before it explodes leaving him to hang from a lamppost while the police arrive. It took you bloody long enough! I take off and make my way to Hangar 18.

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On my way to Hangar 18 I get attacked by a bazooka and find a bomb. I have to navigate a part of the city that's designed to be a maze and get four color keys from the thugs. As if the maze wasn't hard enough I'm not even sure if the game is spawning the enemies that are supposed to be there. Because one playthrough I'll find one set of thugs and then no one else will show after looking around for three minutes straight. The next playthrough I can find them all with little to no trouble. What the smurf? Anyway, I complete the filler mission and continue to the hangar.

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More machine guns! Who's their supplier? I want to know! This time the game wants me to sneak, suggesting that under the lampposts no one will see me. It is the middle of broad daylight in an open airfield all they have to do is look up! I decide to hell with it and start beating up bad guys left and right and destroying their trout. This game WAS NOT made to be stealthy. I'm sorry, but you cannot do stealth with these game mechanics.

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I see Mr. Purple is up to no good again. I can't criticize his choice of color, though. That's pretty sweet. By the time I finish taking out the machine guns for the cops I find that the bad guys escape and they tied up the pilot in a runaway plane on a collision course for the wall. I toss another spidey tracer (where do I get these things?) onto the helicopter the villain escape in and go after the plane. I really need to find myself a sidekick. Now accepting applications for Spider Lad!

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In this stage you have to run ahead of the plane and remove the obstacles from the plane's path to keep it health from going down. Then you have to web up its front propellers to get it to stop moving so you can help the pilot. Obstacles are in the form of barrels and closed doors! The barrels can be destroyed through the use of web balls and barrels hanging from the ceiling need to be web yank. There's a lever by the door you can pull with the square button to open it. If you don't open those in time it's game over. The plane can survive taking a few barrels. So how does the game screw me over this time?

First off, every time I try to use my web ball, I just release a string instead. I'm pressing up and triangle, people, do what I tell you to do! And since Spider-Man is so slow even a barely mobile plane can catch up to him. The plane is on my ass in no time at all if I waste time trying to get the damn controls to work right. The only reason I manage to get past this level is by letting the planes crash into barrels and running ahead to open the doors. There's a developer over in AcTiVision who is laughing their ass off right now.

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Tsk, tsk. Sleeping on the job. How lazy. I grab the pilot and take off. I'm sure the damage to the plane will be the only thing the news talk about and they'll find a way to pin that one on me too. After everyone at the airport is safe I take off to go after the helicopter.

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This is pretty much a chase without seeing the actual thing you're chasing. The meter there will tell you how strong the signal on your spidey tracer is. If you fall behind the meter will decrease and if it goes empty then it's game over and you have to start from the beginning. I pretty much said to hell to the thugs I kept running into that was shooting at me and kept moving to catch up with the helicopter. I even got a snazzy suit of armor on my way.

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Awesome. There's even spider web made of ice. I can freeze people with spider web! I make it to a train yard and once again the game wants me to be sneaky. I don't know why. I can easily web up all the enemies without breaking a sweat, at least that is what I would do if my web cartridge wasn't so low. But even that didn't hinder me much. It's a beat em' up game with a lousy camera. Stop trying to have stealth elements! I make it to the end of the train yard only to learn I need to punch a bunch of panels to trigger the right combination of buttons (red buttons lighting up green) to open up the frigging door. What kind of train yard is this?

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I finally get to my train only to be sand blocked by the Sandman. My immediate reaction to seeing him form out of the wall is, "Mother--!" Yeah, we all know what I wanted to say. It's a shame the game is rated E for everyone. The Sandman puts up walls of sand in front of me that I have to take out either with barrels, crates or my webbing, because that makes sense, and I have to avoid Sandman's attacks to catch up to the train. Sandman must not be very powerful because his attacks literally go RIGHT THROUGH ME! He's connecting right on the money but they don't harm me at all. I guess the game figured it screwed me over so many times I earned a break. I don't know. I make it to the train to finally learn the identity of Mr. Purple.

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Dun! Dun! Dunnnnnnnn! It's the Beetle! The Beetle blasts me with energy and then takes off with that briefcase that seems to be important to the plot. Does this mean I'll have another Beetle encounter later? Nope! In fact the Beetle appears in one more cut-scene and then that's it. You never see or hear from him again. What was even the smurfing point of having him?

The Beetle: Times are tough, Spider-Man. I do what I have to.

I guess, damn.

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So all the villains and thugs are having a meeting about what to do next and we finally learn what's in the briefcase they've been passing around since the first act.

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A Bio-Nexus device. Long story short: Electro gets this thing working and he's practically a god. The problem is a piece is missing so they need to find a Dr. Watts. Sandman asks what Electro plans to do about me and that's when the insurance policy comes in.

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Hammerhead! Hammerhead asks the thugs in the room what it is that gives him joy. Some people said power until one guy said money and everyone broke into applauds like it was Family Feud or something.

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Even Electro is clapping. Hammerhead eventually answers "destroying Spider-Man" and lays out his plan about storming the ball where the Doctor is going to be. He then goes on a long boring speech about teamwork which ends with, and I'm not making this up, everyone chanting, "Team! Team! Team!"

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We accept you. One of us! One of us!

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So not only do I have to save Dr. Watts and fight mobsters who look like they time traveled from the 1930's, I have to save hostages too. I save a guy from an elevator that's about to fall and then crawl on the ceiling webbing up bad guys as they come. Because no one EVER thinks to look at the ceiling. After taking care of the goons I make it to Hammerhead himself.

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Hammerhead is interrogating the doctor about something and I interject giving her a chance to run away. The mobsters are quick to run after her, though. I would have went after her too, but I kind of got held up by bullets.

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Where were you hiding that thing? On second thought, don't answer I don't want to know.

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Hammerhead charges at me literally headfirst and we fight. Not only does he need a gun to fight me, he needs a freaking helicopter too! Despite being outgunned I manage to defeat Hammerhead and tie him up. By the time I catch up with the doctor she's gone and only sand remains indicating that Sandman was back. I remember that she worked with Dr. Connor at Bio-Tech so I call him for answers, but he decided that now would be a great time to turn into the Lizard. So now I have to go to Bio-Tech, fight the Lizard and THEN get answers. I hate my job.