Let's Watch Gossip Girl [warning: some mature content]

Alrighty, let's get this started!

Let's try to avoid spoilers please for those who haven't seen the show!

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Haha, my images are so big, it got cut off! I'll make them smaller next time around.

The privileged prep school teens on Manhattan's Upper East Side learn that Serena van der Woodsen is back.

This is basically a drama about a bunch of teenagers who have more money than I will ever see in my life.

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So we see that girl getting off of the train. Then this "Gossip Girl" basically... well gossips. She has sources, meaning a bunch of teenagers who send her things because they have nothing better to do. So GG (gossip girl) finds out Serena is back and has some picture sources.

Serena had been gone to boarding school for a year for unknown reasons. But I'm sure whatever those reasons are, they will be full of drama.

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Meanwhile, Dan and Jenny are there to meet their less glamorous dad after they took a trip to see their mother, who apparently decided to leave their dad. There's some awkward conversation about how happy she may or may not be.

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Lonely boy is GG's name for Dan.

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Oh, the love of his life. Already making for some drama. And you know she barely knows he exists.

So then another character, Blair, is having a party at her house thanks to her mother. Just to add more drama to the already drama infested episode:

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Of course! It wouldn't be a teen drama without this type of thing.

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Then we meet Blair's boyfriend (pictured above), Nate Archibald, who was thinking that instead of going to Dartmouth, because really who wants a dart in their mouth anyway, he might want to check out West. His dad isn't going to hear of it because... well why not force your kids to do exactly as you want them to?

Knowing that Serena is back in town, Blair does what any sensible, mature girl who trusts her boyfriend would do.

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Why would she want to wait when the girl you have a thing for is back in town? She needs to seal the deal! Who better to lose your virginity to than a man you don't trust?

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Chuck (the guy in the middle) has an expression that explains my feelings on the matter. This is also supposed to show how obsessed with GG everyone is.

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I know how in high school we were always looking for huge piles of drama to pile on to our lives. Yep. Exactly this.

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This is supposed to show how super good of friends Blair and Serena are (used to be?). Then Blair's mom, who had verbally assaulted her earlier in the episode about her looks, feels the need to tell Blair through the door that Serena is here.

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This is exactly what you want your boyfriend that you just through yourself at to do when he hears your friend is back in town.

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Her face says no. No she doesn't.

So Serena shows up at the party and goes to talk to her mom who is rambling about furniture and Serena asks "How is he?" Who is this mysterious "he?"

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Her mom tells her this isn't the time to discuss it and to go chat with her friends.

So Blair's mom is happy to see Serena and reserved her a seat at their table next to Blair. Sadly, or happily, Serena says she has to bail.

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I felt the need to include the thought bubble because you can just see the love in Blair's eyes.

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Bitch face is a very common theme in most teen dramas.

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And there we have Blair trying to save face because no, no she didn't.

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Uh oh. Serena used to be a bad girl! I'm sure that won't come up as a plot device ever.

So turns out Serena is at some place that has visiting hours, which are over. But she pushes her way through, explaining that she's family.

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LE GASP

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Gossip Girl tells people to send her information on this stuff because the high schoolers here just eat that junk up.

Then Gossip Girl is like "Who am I?"

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Why would you even bring that up? Then we get to see the opening credits. Yep, all of that before the credits.

So Serena is chillin with her brother who mentions there must be a ton of rumors about why she came back.

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D'aww. So we know something is up with her brother. She talks about kidnapping him for breakfast but her mother comes in and says no. Serena gets upset and learns that her mother told people he was off visiting an aunt when really he is here because he tried to kill himself.

So moving on

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Cool dad of Dan and Jenny is talking about his old rockstar days and making some quesadillas or something.

Then Jenny is seen making invites because she got invited to a super cool party as long as she made the invites. Her dad says that the sweatshops could learn from that. She tells him it isn't the time to be a socialist or something.

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But of course he's "cool dad" so he lets her go.

Then we see Nate going to see Serena and comments about how she's staying at a hotel and tries to talk with her.

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REJECTED

Anyways, Nate, Dan, and Chuck all end up on a public bus to go to school because... I don't know? Chuck and Nate are rich enough to buy the bus and everyone on it so I'm not sure what's up. Chuck basically talks about how hot Serena is and tells Nate to admit that he totally would. Chuck then accuses Dan of being a stalker because he happens to go to the same school, basically.

Now we get to school! Jenny hands over the invites to Blair and then Serena shows up. There is so much bitch face going around, it would take my 25 pic limit just to show you that. Serena notices the party invites and asks where it is. Blair tells her it's on Saturday.

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Serena then asks if she can talk to Blair later, and Blair says she can't because she has plans with Nate.

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Blair agrees and GG makes a huge deal about the showdown. Saying things like "Did Serena honestly think she could just come back and everything would be the same?" and "Did Blair think Serena would give up without a fight?"

WHO TALKS LIKE THIS

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That's a face that says yes. Yes they can.

Meanwhile, cool dad Rufus (hehe) is hanging up posters for his concert or something, rambling about musicians, when Jenny sends Dan an emergency text. Concerned for his sister, he goes to see her immediately.

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That's the same thing. Fashion emergency, medical emergency, whatever, all the same.

Jenny can't afford the dress but says she can sew one like it. Yay having talent!

Then Serena, who had busted her brother out of the psych ward, shows up at the mall. Her brother, Eric, lies and says he is Serena's personal stylist and shopper. Jenny gives Serena an invite to Blair's party.

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She tries to introduce Dan, but he's off hiding behind coat racks. Smooth.

Meanwhile, Nate is acting like he's on death row because Blair, who he has been dating since Kindergarten, wants to have sex with him.

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Meanwhile, Serena tries to catch up with Blair, who isn't super fond of the idea.

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Apparently her dad left her mom for another man. I summed up half of the scene for you in that thought bubble. They eventually manage to start to patch things up, Blair being hurt Serena took off, Serena saying there were things she needed to get away from. Hugs were had, Blair's left, Serena's downed martinis.

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NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS

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Then chuck shows up with some "witty" banter and hits on her because why not. Eventually he offers her a grilled cheese in truffle oil (ew?) and she leaves with him drunkenly.

Dan had a talk with his sister and decided to go down to the hotel to see her, but she just left. Oh well.

Then we get to see Blair's plans with Nate. She's all lingerie'd up for him.

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UH OH WHAT HAPPENED NOW

Anyways, that's enough for tonight. Find out what happens next time!

This is great. Man, memories are flooding back at how stupid this show is.

Needed more screen caps of Chuck Bass. Basically I just want all the screen caps to be of Chuck Bass. Man, I love Chuck Bass; almost as much as Chuck Bass loves Chuck Bass.

Chuck Baaaaass.

Chuck Bass gets better as time goes on. He looks a bit scruffy here.

True, but I love him in all incarnations.

I dunno, man. I love me some Chuck Bass, but he did try to rape Serena in this episode.

I never said he was a good person.

Fair enough.

He cleans up nicely later on with the suits but at first (in my opinion) with the weird hairdo and the scarf, he looks like such a douche.

Oh that Serena being all good girl but I was bad but now good attitude. Chuck doesn't care!

Can we all agree Blair is the prettiest girl on this show? Gah, her beauty pisses me off.

Also, I like that in the first couple of seasons GG took text messages, emails, and picture messages. Later GG took videos and that was just weird.

I agree that Blair is ridiculously pretty, yes

Part of the reason I watched all of Gossip Girl may have been because of my slight girlcrush on Leighton Meester. :3

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We have Chuck paying off the kitchen people to leave early as Serena eats her odd grilled cheese sandwich. He goes up to her and starts flirting, which she doesn't appreciate. He takes this as an opportunity to threaten her.

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We then get to see some drunk Serena and Nate flirting in a flashback.

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We then get to see Blair's face, which heavily indicates that Nate just told her the same thing. She asks if all they did was just kiss and he looks very depressed, implying they did more.

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I would probably look like that too.

Then we see Serena and Nate taking off each others clothes in the flashback and Serena now saying she's trying to be a better person.

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Really didn't take them long to get this drama going.

Chcuk then starts forcing himself on Serena, who is not having it.

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Eventually she kicks Chuck in the groin and walks out.

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Blair, obviously upset, asks Nate to leave and then we see some alternating scenes of the flashback with Nate and Serena, Serena being upset, and Blair crying.

As Serena is exiting, she bumps in to Dan and spills some of her purse contents. Dan helps her pick it up and leaves, but then Dan notices she left her phone.

Next scene, we see Nate running with his dad, who is honestly wearing a Dartmouth shirt. How in love with this school is that guy? Nate tries talking to him about how he and Blair aren't meant to be and his dad comments how he's trying to lock a deal with Blair's mom.

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Aaaaand we have winner of dad of the year award.

Presumably the next day, we have Dan at the hotel trying to return Serena's phone. The desk man is obviously suspicious of him and calls over Serena when she comes in to the lobby.

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To his shock and awe, she does remember him and thanks him for returning the phone. He is amazed someone could actually remember him. Then Serena's mom comes over saying she got a dress for Serena for the upcoming party.

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She then decides to drag Dan in to her lies by saying she has plans with him. Her mother asks what they are.

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Dan, totally being cool with being dragged in to this by a girl who didn't know he existed until yesterday, uses his dad's concert as an excuse for her.

Then Serena actually agrees to go with him, which is nice of her since he is madly in love with her, but a bit presumptuous since she didn't know that.

Meanwhile, Blair and Nate are having an awkward dinner where Nate is trying to get her back to help out his father. How does he get her back?

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Poor insecure Blair agrees to this plan and says she overreacted and will believe him since he says its in the past.

I'm sorry but your boyfriend sleeping with your best friend and you being upset about it is not an overreaction.

Lily (Serena's mom) goes over to the gallery where Rufus (Dan's dad) works and basically verbally berates him and demands to know why her daughter is dating Dan.

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Good reaction from Rufus.

Lily, apparently being a self-absorbed ego maniac, accuses Rufus of setting this up to get to her.

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Then they have some memories that imply they used to date

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And Lily tells Rufus to stay away from her.

Mmmmmmmmmmm Chase Crawford. Yummmm.

I also have always thought that Lily looks like some kind of bird.