no idea why i'm writing this on a final fantasy forum where nobody will read it
RIP English Cricket 2015-2015
To borrow a line from Malcolm Tucker, watching England play one-day cricket is like watching a clown running across a minefield. They haphazardly flail their way through the game with any real forward progress giving the impression that it is down to luck more than anything, before suddenly putting one step wrong and the whole thing explodes violently. Eoin Morgan gets up and heads towards the post-game interview, optimistically claiming that everything is fine, because if they keep taking the exact same route then eventually they'll create a mine-free path to the victory they know is waiting for them.
It's difficult to begin the postmortem because there is no one place you can start with to find out where it went wrong. The batting has been below average, the bowling has been blunt and the fielding has been unremarkable. The team selection has been baffling at times. We're coming off the back of a mildly successful warm-up procedure, where everyone thinks "Right, this is the team for the World Cup", and then suddenly ODI-welterweight Gary Ballance appears out of absolutely nowhere and gets slotted in at 3 in place of James Taylor, who had arguably looked their most settled and dangerous player since he was (finally) selected in the few months prior. Ballance's scores in the WC? 10, 10, 10, 6, before being quietly dropped. Taylor gets permanently bumped down to 6 and scores a promising 98* in the first game before tumbling to a bunch of non-contributions in the following four. Who's idea was that?
Besides Ian Bell, none of the batsmen performed in this tournament, and even then Bell did it while playing a brand of cricket foreign to that which we were watching in the games not involving England. His strike rate didn't get above 90 in any game and was middling at around 60-70. That's what our best batsman is offering, and yet a few hours later you're watching AB de Villiers hit 160 in 66 balls like he does this all the time (and he does). The style of cricket, the whole approach to the game is on a completely different planet, and every team but England is currently either on or working towards it.
We talk a lot of the batting, but what of the bowling? It's been so anonymous that it's not even crossing people's minds. What is Stuart Broad actually bringing to the team? He's taken a total of three wickets in five games, going for 79 runs each, and he sure as hell can't bat (What the hell happened to him? Remember the days when people were genuinely entertaining the idea of him batting at 6?). Jimmy is trying hard but it's just up and down. The ball isn't swinging and it's at no express pace so batsmen can just feel like they're having a net. Steven Finn once again promised a little but gave nothing. We seem to have completely given up on playing a full-time spinner.
The reason there isn't much to talk about bowling-wise besides that is that there really is nobody else to turn to. There is no 'next cab off the rank' to come and have a trundle and introduce to international cricket. Harry Gurney? Average - only picked because he's a left-armer. Jade Dernbach? *spit*. That's about it. Spin-wise we have James Tredwell who's in good form but England seem to have a mortal fear of playing a spinner who can't bat, and instead they only utilise the "jumped-up-KP" spin of Moeen and Root. The truth is they will neither get many wickets or hold down an end for long before getting biffed, so they rely on Jimmy, Broad and Woakes/Finn/Jordan to get the wickets, a strategy which has plainly not worked judging by the fact that they have only bowled out one team in five games (minnows Scotland) and in the others taken 17 wickets between them.
These individual poor performances, as far as I'm concerned, are merely a symptom of a more general malaise about the way the England setup approach one-day (in fact, all) cricket, and culture at the ECB in general. Every time I see the camera pan over the England dressing room during a game (usually to get a close-up of the team's response to whatever batting collapse is taking place currently), I see the seats full of people I don't recognise. These random people, all dressed up looking professional in full England gear, often outnumber the actual players sat scattered amongst them. How many coaches and 'analysts' do eleven men need? Peter Moores kept talking in today's post-match interview about 'analysing the game data'. What the heck is he talking about? You don't need a 10-page spreadsheet and a meeting with a team of data analysts to figure out England are bloody woeful.
I can imagine the scene now. Put yourself in, say, Moeen Ali's shoes. You've just got yourself out for 10-or-so after nicking a pretty decent ball through to the keeper. You're a professional cricketer, you already know what went wrong - maybe you weren't moving your feet enough or the ball just got big on you when you were trying to tick the score over. You just need to sit down, have a cup of tea, maybe work on it a bit in the nets and come back next game. But instead, no sooner does the game end that you're called into a meeting with two coaches and three analysts getting in your ear showing you video replays of every ball you faced, and how that particular bowler often swings it away at an average of 3 degrees, so the back foot cover drive is a shot with a 78% scoring percentage. This is followed by several other 'team meetings' where Peter Moores is telling you all that if you score 239 you will win 72% of your games.
This cricket-by-numbers seems to have been growing as a 'thing' for the England setup since around the end of Duncan Fletcher's tenure/beginning of Moores' first stint. I've read Kevin Pietersen's book and while I take everything he says in it with a pinch of salt it does very much corroborate what Swann and others seem to be indicating with the ECB's obsession with statistics. You can't model a game of cricket. There are far too many variables to even start thinking about it. It's never worked, either, for ODI cricket at least. England are far worse now than they were in the mid-2000s, when the last occurrences of the 'beer cricketer' such as the likes of Darren Gough, Phil Tufnell and Matthew Hoggard et al were filtered out of the new ECB machine, to be moulded into the Alistair Cook-style Yes Man England cricketer we have today.
So where now? Moores won't get the chop, and neither will Morgan (I think). I don't think that it would be a good idea anyway, though for actual cricketing reasons rather than the political reasons that will dominate (and have dominated) any decision on personnel the ECB will make. Morgan's complete evaporation of form and consistency in the last few years is still a puzzle, and I'm not sure it's something that even a break from the ODI game will cure. Who would replace him as captain? They're all rubbish. You have to stick with Moores to see if he can turn a fundamentally failing England team around in more than the 6 or so months he's had prior to this tournament, though I personally believe that their continued troubles are a result of his own methods, both past and present.
The ECB will also be reluctant to do away with him because, crucially for their own seige-mentality-stricken minds, it gives Kevin Pietersen the last laugh. He was (unfairly) made the scapegoat of the Australia tour-which-shall-not-be-named at a time when they were already looking for any reason to dispose of a man they disliked. They came up with a cock-and-bull story of needing a 'new start', even naming themselves 'New England', fed the public with the illusion of a root-and-branches shakeup, before including the jettisoning of Pietersen as the only forthright act in this shakeup and then just continuing on as normal. They even brought back the man who epitomised 'Old England' in Peter Moores. They also made a lot of fuss about 'backing Alistair Cook'. We all know how that worked out. So if they were to turn their back on Moores now it would be a tacit admission that maybe Pietersen was right all along. It's still too late for him to make a comeback though, really. His England career is, like a lot of last-ditch options available to England right now, too risky to resurrect, and will likely just cause even more of a mess.