Vaan's Abtacular Workout Supreme!!!
Hey you! Yes, you! I bet you want to have these awesome Vaan abs, don't you? Admit it, from the moment you started Final Fantasy XII and laid eyes on his magnificent six-pack, all you could do was hope in vain that one day, you too could look like that! But don't worry, I'm here to make your hopes a reality with Vaan's Abtacular Workout Supreme! Complete in only 5 steps or your money back*
*Note that I will not give you your money back. This is also a bad idea and should not be attempted by anyone.
Step one:
The first thing you want to do is get yourself all warmed up. It takes work to get abs and your body needs to prepare. So start out with stretches. Stretch to the left, stretch to the right, stretch in, stretch out, and shake it all about. Limber yourself up. Feel each muscle. Drink plenty of water and make sure to breathe right. All done? Okay, let's move on to step two.
Step two:
Now we're going to do some sprinting. Are you ready for this? Stay hydrated, watch your breathing, get some good running shoes, and sprint it out. Sprint yourself all the way to your local craft shop. Keep your head high, your back straight, and run like there's an Esper chasing you and you're still only level 4.
Step three:
Upon arrival at the local craft shop, seek a customer service rep, or simply scan the aisles for one titled “spray pain”. If you have trouble finding it, don't be afraid to ask for help. Building muscle is a lot like raising a barn: it takes a community of Amish people. Once located, purchase yourself some spray paint that is slightly darker than your skin tone. Make sure to hide the spray cans under your tiny vest on your sprint home.
Step four:
Alright, you've done good so far, we're almost there. Now the next step in to stand in front of a mirror. Find a full-length one, you'll need to see your stomach area. Get your spray paint and carefully read and follow the directions (except for the part that says not to use on skin, ignore that part). Spray yourself the abs of your dreams! Just do the contours so that it makes it look very weird and awkward; the sign of true abs. Don't hold back, if you want an eight-pack instead of a six-pack then go for it! 6, 8, 12, 36, the options are endless!
Step five:
Once your abs have been properly applied and dried, go steal your mother's makeup and apply some shadowing to them! After all, we wouldn't want them to look too ridiculous now would we! Try to apply it randomly in a shade that is a blend of your spray paint and skin tone. Note: avoid purple unless you want to sport the hernia look.
And there you have it friends! Your dreams have now been made a reality thanks to Vaan's Abtacular Workout Supreme! Make sure to repeat these steps as necessary, such as after a shower, when waking up, and after sweating or wearing clothing.
See, easy as pie!
