How I Interpret the Last Battle! (SPOILERS Natuarly)
Tidus
"Everyone!"
"This is the last time we fight together, okay?"
Wakka
"Huh?"
[Tidus steps foward to face Yuna]
Tidus
"What I'm trying to say is..."
"after we beat Yu Yevon, I'll disappear!"
Lulu
"What are you talking about?"
[Tidus looks at Yuna. She pouts. He walks past her to Yu Yevon, takes out his sword, and assumes a battle stance]
Tidus
"I'm saying goodbye!"
Rikku
"Not now!"
Tidus
"I know it's selfish..."
"but this is my story!"
(A Battle With Yevon)
Tidus
"Blitz-Slash!!"
Yevon
"Ultima"
(Ultima is used Evryone is killed)
Tidus
"Damn....It's Over"
Yevon
"Life!"
(Evyone is Revied)
Tidus
"What?! What are you doing?"
Yevon
"Uhh I'm Reving you!"
Yuna
"uhhh....Why?"
Yevon
"I-I-I Uhhh I don't know really...."
Tidus
"Ahh Forget it! LULU! NOW"!
Lulu
"Zombie!"
Tidus
"Phoenix Down!"
(The Zombie Spell and Peonix down hit Yevon Killing him, But as he dies...)
Yevon
"Your gonna revive me like I revied you right?"
Tidus
"Do I look Like an Idiot?"
Yevon
"........Well Yeah!"
Wakka
"Ya!"
Lulu:
"Yes!"
Yuna
"Yes!"
Rikku
"Yep!"
Auron
"Indeed you Do!"
Tidus
"Damn it!! I'm still not gonna evive you though!!"
Yevon
"Oh.....Crap......"
(Yevon is killed Battle ends)
So why does he revive you?!
WARNING-Includes spoilers to FFVII, FFVIII & FFIX. Oh and FFX.
My Interpretation.....(Inclusing Braska's Final Aeon!!!)
(Tidus wals up to his dad)
Tidus:
Hi dad, I hate you APPARANTLY (according to this script)
but I really love you and I'm just being a whinge. Like my Voice actor
Jecht:
Yeah, i know......I also know that we're all a dream of some blokes stuck in a wall who have never better to do rather than dream about a city......If I WAS THEM...I'd dream of naked women
Tidus:
Yeah, but I'd dream of Yuna instead
Jecht:
Pussy wuss.......anayway, guess you're here to kill me, condemming me to death?
Auron:
Yep. No hard feelings then? I'm dead anyway, and personally, I'd like to die....again. Wait, aint I already dead, how can I die again......
Tidus:
Who you calling Pussy!!!???? You complain about not hearing to a crappy song sung by a couple of monks who'd have the're balls removed! Then again, you are a ugly mug
Jecht:
What now?
Tidus:
No when you're Sin...and now. You look nothing like me yet you're my dad.
Jecht:
F**k you.....when this starts I won't be myself anymore
Auron:
I'll be glad at that. You slashed a Shoopuf, drank all the while, left your wife & kid, obsessed with blitzball, bullied your kid, and became a huge pile of trout that blows things up. I'll be VERY glad you're not yourself
(Jecht jumps backwards, Tidus realises that he loves his dad but It's too late, his dad becomes the bastard son of Ifrit and himself in a cross breeding attempt)
Tidus:
I won't hold back, i'll be glad to kill this abonimation......hey why is "Otherworld" in the back ground?
Yuna:
Who gives a F**k? It's cool
Tidus:
Ok then, Dad, I'm sorry but me and my friends are gonna slash you to bits.
(They fight, Jecht falls)
Tidus:
Well that was easy....HEY WHY THE FLYING F**K IS HE PULLING A SWORD OUT OF HIS CHEST?
Jecht:
Didn' you read my contracy as the final boss, I must do something obscure. Sephiropth became two weird f**ks.....ultimecia blended with a GF and lost her face......Necron apeared out of nowhere....I've got to do something so they suggested I pull a blade out my chest.
Lulu, Rikku, Wakka
E'h? Why haven't we said something?
Tidus:
Because you're not important. Especially you Wakka.
C'mon guys lets fight my Dad AGAIN
(They fight....Jecht loses AGAIN)
Jecht:
Hi guys, I'm dying now
Tidus:
(Realises his dads about to die) I hate you dad
Jecht:
F**k you. That sword was painful, I loved you enough to show my move in Blitzball, and raised you. Why can't you be happy
Tidus:
Cause I'm voiced by a retard who sounds like a combination of a panting dog and Hael Joel Osmant in Secondhand Lions where he's voice is breaking.
"I seee dead people (Picture a teenagers voice breaking)
Yuna:
Should I finish you off and make a buch of pretty lights
Jecht:
No there's no time (For some apparant reason)
Lulu:
Look, here comes the glowing ball. THAT MUST BE YU YEVON
Wakka:
Why? It's just a ball of light
Lulu:
Because it makes sense
Wakka:
Nothing makes sense. We're standing in a crumbing blitzball arena. We're also supposed to be in a huge creature at the same time. How does that make sense
ALL:
F**k off Wakka, no one likes you!!!!!!!
Jecht:
Bye, you'll never see me again!
NO ONE ANSWERS HIM
(The crew end up on the same giant sword that Jecht pulled out his chest. But Bigger. Because that makes sense. The glowing Yu Yevon is floating around, very happy with himself despite being a ugly bugger)
Yuna:
Oh trout, now I have to summon my own summons that we worked on for hours to get, only to kick their ass. What was the point in it all? This battle isn't going anywhere anywhere cause we've all got :skull::skull::skull::skull:ing auto-life!!!!!
Tidus:
Yes, but remeneber, if you do this, Sin will die, and we'll be able to live together (crosses fingers behind his back)
Yuna:
Oh well, at least it'll give me something to do to perpare for a rock hard boss, I bet he'll be really hard
(They kick their own aeons ass in a intesely BORING battle)
All: Lets go!
Tidus: Oh by the way, once we do this, (Although, by now, WE HAVE to do this, i mean, how can we get of a floating sword that was removed from my dad's chest?) I'll die. Althougth, I don't know if I die die, but I know you'll never see me again, except if Square desides to break tradition and create a sequel for a FF.
Wakka:
What? I wasn't paying attension in the last part of the story, it just seemed to be revelation after revelation, and I nodded off
Tidus:
I'll dissapear. Fade away. Got it you stupid carribian rip-off CRAP Blitzball player with gay hair, that if he wasn't boniong Lulu, tghen would certainly be gay? I HAD to pay attension, it seemed to be all about me. Look, i'm saying goodbye
Rikku:
Not now, there's still plot-holes to be filled. There still more crap jokes to be said in battle. There's still 80% of the world to be seen, that we would if we could navagate it properly.
Tidus:
I know it's selfish, but this is my story written by a Japanese guy. I want to stay, but if I did, he'd get pissed off
(Battle)
Auron:
He's hard
Yevon:
Actually, I'm a big wuss.
Lulu:
What? That isn't a way to end a epic story with a floating octopus that is a wuss. What happened to all the hard bosses?
Yevon:
They died, and all Square was left with was me.
Kimarhi:
trout. I actually wanted someone harder.
Yevon:
Yeah, at this rate. In FFXII, its gonna be a puppy for the final boss. Please, put me out of my misery
Tidus:
Got ya.....wait.....you've got alot of HP. I thought you were a wuss. he LIED
Yevon:
But I suck ass, and since you've all got Auto life, I can't win. Damm my agent for getting me this job. I hate myself, and I want to die. Kill me, please.
OPh yeah...Ultima
Tidus:
Urhhhh, I'm dead. Wait, I'm alive again! Whats the point of this? we'll win no matter what happens! So we forght for 70 F**KING HOURS, did millions of Mindless Mini-Games, gone through needless dialogue, Leveled up for hours for this POINTLESS PIECE OF CRAP AT THE END?
Yevon:
Yep
Tidus:
Wow.......now I'm glad I'm dying. kill this waste of space before I kill myself before my eventuall tearfull exit, with sad music that pushes gamers to tears before having a strange FMV of me swinmming with the millions whould have seen this going "eh?" until; they hear of FFX-2.
Lulu:
You know, Tidus, only a idiot could have designed this boss. (Pause) Did you design it?
EVERYONE LAUGHS EXCEPT TIDUS
Tidus:
Oh f**k you guys. (performs Overdrive, Yevon dies) I've had enough of this, I am not a idiot, i'm just voiced by one. if I was real, I'd have killed him
EVERYONE:
Me too
(Auron is about to die)
Auron:
Look, i know only Tidus understands, but get this overwith. Finally, now I can remove this rod from up my ass and be happy
(Tidus is about to disapear)
Tidus:
Bye guys
Rikku:
We'll see you again in the sequel!
Tidus:
Yuna, I'm going, I'm bloody fading away.
(She runs throuhgh him)
LAUGHTER
Tidus:
Hell, i'm sorry, but i didn't write this bit. i'll get that Japanese guy for you
Yuna:
Ok. See you in FFX-2. In 2003 in Japan & USA and 2004 in Europe. Can't wait, but I'm not showing that antissipation cause I'm not meant to know that there's a sequel, but I cjecked so Im happy cause then we can have sex on land and not underwater. That was uncomfortable
Wakka:
(Says with a smug look)Only if you get the happy ending
EVERYONE:
Shut up you ugly Twat
END until FFX-2