The "HELL YES Resuscitate" Order
This is another post from my DE account, which means three things.
One, that it's not an original post, made just for this forum. Too bad.
Two, that since DE has no regulations regarding foul language, there may be a cuss-word or two that hasn't been "bleeped out". If I missed any, then by all means let me know and I'll fix it.
Three, there are gonna be a lot of "bleeps"
The "HELL YES Resuscitate" Order
I, _______________________, being of sound mind and body, want it very clear that if they wheel me into the hospital, I want you to save my life--otherwise they'd be wheeling me into the crematorium.
I believe firmly that state judges with a history of ****ups behind them and people who stand to profit by my death should not take prominence over the views of several experts in the field which applies to my coma, "Persistent Vegatative State", severe hangover, or whatever I happen to be suffering. It's my firm hope that, should it be necessary to "pull the plug", at least reasonable efforts will be put into getting me back on my feet before the cause is given up for lost.
However, pro-death forces have made their first kill, and with it an important discovery--it really pisses Christians off. Therefore, I can only expect that should I require a machine for my short-term or long-term survival, there will sooner rather than later be some ****snot wanting to cut off aid and give me a "right to die", knowing that I cannot reach a firearm and return the favor.
Therefore, there are several conditions which I wish to see taken into consideration in my medical care.
1. If 30-something specialists in the field relating to my "problem" claim that I can be rehabilitated, then it may indeed be that they are wrong--but let them ****ing try it first. You know; death as a last resort, and all that ****.
2. If one chancre-drip swears I told him/her several years ago that I would want to die, and everyone who knows me at all swears that I have never and would never say such a thing, perhaps the chancre-drip's word should be taken with a grain of salt. When said chancre-drip has already profitted off my death to the tune of millions, hooked up with another man/woman, happens to have been the only one in the area at the time of my suspicious collapse, and refused even such basic courtesies as letting the priests give me Communion, then anyone listening to the Chancre-drip is a dumb***.
3. If said Chancre-drip is my spouse and they are successful in having me killed, then nothing within either my head or my hands are to be used for organ donation or for scientific research. Instead they will be sent to a taxidermist, and my spouse will be required to mount my head in a prominent place in his/her home, along with the hands beneath it, and one hand holding the court-order which s/he used to kill me--much like the deer on the wall whose front hooves hold the rifle they were shot with.
4. If my spouse should be awarded a large sum of money to take care of me, and should instead attempt to use that money to buy my death, then take the ****in' money back.
5. There are probably many people whom I have severely pissed off in my lifetime, and it will not break my heart to learn that there are some people who truly want me to die. Those people should at least be honest about it. Claiming a "right to die" on my behalf because I'm currently unable to rip out your sphincter and wear it for a pinky ring for trying to starve me to death is like claiming a "right to be gay" on a prisoner's behalf because his cellmate has already duct-taped his mouth shut.
6. Any struggle between people wanting me to live and people wanting me to die is going to make the airwaves; thus is the nature of the beast. If the people wanting me to die should begin this media circus by hitting up every talk show in the nation to tell the country how awful the non-profiting members of my family are for trying to save my life, and then ***** about those family members "turning my case into a political cause", it is my fervent wish that someone take off their shirt, drink some whiskey from a mason jar, play "Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mother" at full volume, and beat this ***hole severely with an ax-handle.
7. If I am religious, my church will probably speak in my behalf. Live with it. "Don't kill your spouse" is not some obscure tenet of the New Testament, but a fairly universal standard except in Florida, so I would appreciate it if the people trying to kill me simply dedicate their efforts to killing me and leave the anti-Christian bigotry at home.
8. If the legislative branch wants me to have at least the same due process that convicted serial killers get, and the judicial branch wants me killed without any attempts at bringing about my recovery, then either start *****ing about "government interference" when the judicial branch steps in, or shut the **** up about it. Don't stand around with your thumb up your **** while one branch of the government tries to get me killed, then raise a ****storm when another branch tries to give me at least a slim chance at life. "Minding their own business" means letting the doctors do their **** job, not having me put down like a horse with a busted leg because my spouse is scared that changing diapers for a few years might detract from his/her extramarital romantic prospects.
9. Keep Jesse Jackson the **** away from me. Yes, I know there are television cameras involved and that means the "good reverend" will come to the scene with all the poise and dignity of a dog who just heard the can-opener in the next room, but surely there's a coporation he hasn't yet tried to extort money from somewhere out there.
_________________________
Signed this day ___ ___, ___________
_______________________
Witness
_______________________
Spouse
