my review on non=eastern eye movies

OH GOD!!!!! im going hypo, must present more mediocre work to depress you with.

my famous review on catwoman is the one ill start with. (next week ill start my reviews on more recent movies)


Rating: 10% (out of 100)



Brought into Australian cinemas:16th September 2004

Director: Pitof

Rating: M15+

Genre: Action



Cat woman opens up with Patience Phillips (Halle Berry) floating dead in some kind of harbor. Her voice narrates the beginning of it and says something like, the day I died was the day I began living. After hearing that, I was yawning, thinking that the first scene of an action movie has to be suspenseful and not painful to my ears.



A little description of before the events of her death: Patience loathingly worked as an art designer for a cosmetics and fashion corporation called Hedare which just seems to shout “oh no the world is going to die.” Eventually this film gets really stupid when Patience is late in handing in some type of concept art and its rejected, she has to re-hand it in by midnight. The location that she needs to hand it into is one of their company warehouses. Once she coincidently steps into a *restricted* area, she overhears some controversial info regarding the production of one of there new products that’s been getting a lot of hype before its large distribution. Apparently this is, if you stop using this certain skin cream your face begins to quickly deteriorate. She is heard and begins to make a run for it, after a long and hardly wanted chasing scene she ends up in a sewer pipe… where she dies, yep... all gone.



After all of that I wanted to leave the cinema (and nearly did). By that time she gets revived by a cat named Midnight who is unrealistically armed with magical powers (sounds logical now does'nt it), she turns from stressed and vulnerable girl to a 'too much attitude for her own good' and outgoing woman. This brings me over to the action scenes and its music. The first one starts off in a jewelry store when she is possessed by her kitty powers. She spots two robbers stealing from the glass cases on the first floor. Then she was saying stuff that didn’t even relate to the movies plot or anything (cornatopia). After a short speech with the robbers, one fires a shotgun. Yes, it was one of those movies where feds' didn’t come rushing in just after hearing heavy gunfire noises in a jewelry store.



The music that backed up the action scenes was appalling and quite frankly full of it. All it sounded like was high-tech pop music accompanied with a woman’s voice saying 'aw!!!!' with all these computer effects added into it. Worse though, the normal music had very little orchestrated music (I would have preferred that) and instead had an old song called scandalous (Misteeq), which made the environment seem all happy and chick flick like. It also didn’t help that the music was used at every single wrong time in the movie.



The movies speech script wasn’t conveyed too badly, with the actors talking in just the right tone, except patience Phillips in her Catwoman form, you see she spoke seductively and skanky throughout the movie (might I say I liked the seductive part with her in her leather bondage suit).



The stunts in the movie are nice and… fake, trust me if you saw it you would be able to tell easily. Let me take you on a stroll through one of them, patience Phillips is locked up in jail and the time is around midnight (Catwomans powers are active). She is sobbing about how screwed up her life is until midnight appears and makes her remember something about this prophecy about her special powers. She squeezes her good body through the jail bars then she runs over to the window. After a little hiding from the patrolling police she leaps out of it, I loved the camera angles shown through the stunt, that’s what I would be saying if it weren’t for the obvious computer rendered background, I’m not even sure if the actor Halle berry was real while executing that stunt.



Finally I’m going to talk about the worst part of the movie (the ending). This ending in this movie surpasses every other movie in crappiness. Why you ask, well I’m going to tell you in point form.





1.Similar to the ending of the first matrix where she is walking and talking about her life.
2.The music still did not get any better.
3.Catwoman’s makeup looks all gold and stuff.
3. She was talking in a language that only chicks could understand which further ruined the movies experience.
4.She had a mobile in her hand what she was talking to, the movie never hinted or told who was on the other side listning to her rave on about how she could never kill someone.
5.The speech did not relate to anything about the movies overall plot.


So unless this is the opening to there sequel (if they make one) I suggest they get a better director or something. This movie is one of them where you either like it or… you don’t.



Originally written by Nik

;

I give your review a flat 2/5.

You let lots of your personal opinions into this review, which means your review is, well, your opinion on the movie. You're supposed to give straight facts about the game in a review. There's a difference between voicing your opinion on a message board and writing a review. After giving those facts, you're supposed to say why they're sub-par, on par, or above par. You'll lack credibility if you just say, "This scene sucked. On to the next scene, blah blah blah." On a somewhat off topic note, you put an opinion in the worst place possible: in your summary.

Your summary is supposed to be roughly 1 paragraph, 6-7 sentences, and even 7's pushing it a little. People who read reviews, while they have a desire to have the gist of the movie, don't want to read more than they have to. Your opening could have been cut as such:

Patience Philips, played by Halle Berry, an unlucky art designer has missed yet another deadline for her project. She, however, is given a second chance at midnight. On the way to her destination, she overhears a discussion about a deadly product and is pursued and eventually killed. Little did the miscreants know that Patience would come back with a vengeance.

I don't mean to offend you, but your writing style is unprofessional and not sufficient for even a B-grade freshman high school paper. Rather than analyze the movie and give concrete reasons for its lack of amusement, you turned it into an all out bash-fest.

Oops, I just looked at your profile and you are fairly young. :D I guess it's not terrible for a person your age. I don't mean for this to discourage you, but to help you. Keep writing these reviews, as practice makes greatness(perfection doesn't exist).

actually, i was meant to give a bad review, thats what got me extra cred on my thingo, paying out the movie, i think i done an overall good job of that... not mentioning any good points.

i will be more realistic next week when i put in a more relaxed review.

I did not write this.