List of RPG Cliches

I found this list while surfing around onRon Gilbert's site.

Very funny list of RPG Cliches.

http://project-apollo.net/text/rpg.html

My personal favorite of the moment:

#54. There are always giant robots. Always.

Saw the list a while ago, and while it's amusing, it's practically all true at the same time. Shame there haven't been any updates for a while.

The Bling-Bling Thing (Lemina Rule)
No matter how much money and treasure you acquire, the greedy member of your party will never be satisfied and won't stop griping about the sorry state of the party's finances.

If You Meet The Buddha In A Random Encounter, Kill Him!
When you're out wandering around the world, you must kill everything you meet. People, animals, plants, insects, fire hydrants, small cottages, anything and everything is just plain out to get you. It may be because of your rampant kleptomania (see Garrett's Principle.)

Them good ones

Child Protection Act (Rydia Rule)
Children 12 and under are exempt from death. They will emerge alive from cataclysms that slaughter hundreds of sturdily-built adults, often with barely a scratch. Further protection is afforded if the catastrophe will orphan the child.

so.... true....


another one I found amusingly correct was:

In Your Face, Jesus!
Even if you manage to deal with him that time, you're not done -- the villain will then transform into his final form, which is always an angelic winged figure with background music remixed for ecstatic chorus and pipe organ.

heh heh.

That whole deal is, I believe, supposed to bear relation to the idea that Satan's original form was an angel named Lucifer, the most beautiful and admired angel in all the heavens and also (deservedly) the most prideful. Sometimes I wonder if Lucifer really was a chick like in Bedazzled.

it would make some kind of sense why hell and heaven share some relations.

I remember seeing this years ago. It's a fun read :D

Yeah, this is always good for a laugh once in awhile. I like lists of cliches!

But yes, I wish they would update more. Oh well.

Seen it before, but....yup.

A reference to Thief is always a good thing.

I'm with everyone else, I've seen it before, but it's one of those things that's fun to go back and read every six months or so. :)

142. Thank You For Pressing The Self-Destruct Button
All enemy installations and city-sized military vehicles will be equipped with a conveniently located, easy-to-operate self-destruct mechanism.

143. Falling Rule
An RPG character can fall any distance onto anything without suffering anything worse than brief unconsciousness. In fact, falling a huge distance is an excellent cure for otherwise fatal wounds -- anyone who you see shot, stabbed, or mangled and then tossed off a cliff is guaranteed to return later in the game with barely a scratch.

153. "Mommy, why didn't they just use a Phoenix Down on .....?"
Don't expect battle mechanics to carry over into the "real world."

Heh. It always happens.:D

13. The Higher The Hair, The Closer To God (Cloud Rule)
The more outrageous his hairstyle, the more important a male character is to the story.

14. Garrett's Principle
Let's not mince words: you're a thief. You can walk into just about anybody's house like the door wasn't even locked. You just barge right in and start looking for stuff. Anything you can find that's not nailed down is yours to keep. You will often walk into perfect strangers' houses, lift their precious artifacts, and then chat with them like you were old neighbors as you head back out with their family heirlooms under your arm. Unfortunately, this never works in stores.

15. Hey, I Know You!
You will accumulate at least three of these obligatory party members:
The spunky princess who is rebelling against her royal parent and is in love with the hero.
The demure, soft-spoken female mage and healing magic specialist who is not only in love with the hero, but is also the last survivor of an ancient race.
The tough-as-nails female warrior who is not in love with the hero (note that this is the only female character in the game who is not in love with the hero and will therefore be indicated as such by having a spectacular scar, a missing eye, cyborg limbs or some other physical deformity -- see The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly Rule.)
The achingly beautiful gothy swordsman who is riven by inner tragedy.
The big, tough, angry guy who, deep down, is a total softy.
The hero's best friend, who is actually much cooler than the hero.
The grim, selfish mercenary who over the course of the game learns what it means to really care about other people.
The character who is actually a spy for the bad guys but will instantly switch to your side when you find out about it.
The weird bonus character who requires a bizarre series of side quests to make them effective (with the ultimate result that no player ever uses this character if it can be avoided.)
The nauseatingly cute mascot who is useless in all battles.

17. Furthermore, expect to encounter most of the following obligatory non-player chararcters (NPCs):
The townsperson or crewmember who wanders aimlessly in circles and never quite gets where he is going.
Hilariously incompetent or cowardly soldiers.
The NPC who has a crush on another NPC and can't quite work up the nerve to tell him or her, so instead tells every other person who wanders by about it at great length.
A group of small children playing hide-and-seek.
The wise and noble captain/king/high priest.
The wise and noble captain/king/high priest's splutteringly evil second-in-command. Nobody, including the hero, will notice the second's constant, crazed scheming until the moment when he betrays everyone to the forces of badness.
The NPC who is obsessed with his completely mundane job and witters on endlessly about how great it is. He's so thrilled by it that he wants to share it with everyone he sees, so given a quarter of a chance he'll make you do his job for him.
The (adult) NPC who has nothing better to do than play kids' games with passersby.
The group of young women who have formed a scarily obsessive fan club for one of your female party members.

18. Crono's Complaint
The less the main character talks, the more words are put into his mouth, and therefore the more trouble he gets into through no fault of his own.

Some of my favorites...

Hehe, that is very funny.