Smokey the Bear: THE TRUTH

This thing is just wierd. Smokey the Bear is really an evil cyborg in disguise.

http://www.moviepostershop.com/item_lrg/LG-04922.jpg
I can just read it in his eyes.

"JOIN US. HELP US PREVENT CAUSE FOREST FIRES!!"

You see, ever since smokey started with the name "Hotfoot Teddy", He has wanted sweet sweet revenge.

He buried his creator, after setting him on fire and maiming him.

http://www.ccc-mclean.com/images/smokey11.jpg

"YOU are NEXT!" He said.

He changed his name to Smokey the Bear after his crime, to avoid being caught. He then pretended to be a "Forest fire preventer" as one might say.

But, on April 1, 1978, 'Smokey' played a cruel, cruel april fools joke on us all.

This picture was drawn by some guy, on that day.

http://www.rankinbass.com/images/smokey4.gif

Smokey escapes from the forest, with an innocent child clinging to his back. Apparently, Smokey lit a house on fire, and kidnapped a child. We all know it was Smokey, but we cannot prove it, since he isn't wearing his trademark hat.

Smokey now makes "forest safety" Commercials. All of which are COMPLETE LIES. Smokey wants to kill us all. Smokey wants the forest GONE.

ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT SMOKEY FROM DESTROYING MANKIND.

Meh. I've seen better.
I mean, good try, it was just meh. Leave the Something Awful columns to Somethng Awful.

Yeah, that was just okay. I think you guys will really enjoy "The Oyster Hippopatamus" though. Once I get around to creating him that is.

Smokey the Bear. Think he might be addicted to smoke?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kentarou

Smokey the Bear. Think he might be addicted to smoke?

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Most likely not.

>>> I like that bear..

Smokey looks like a child molester, and that's all that matters for me. D:

A big, topless, hairy, 90s, hairy, button-nosed, creepy, old child molester. Just you try and tell me that's not scary. ;__;

I think we should all go on a massive killing spree in the zoo, make bears endangered, and stop anything like this from ever happening again. Kill all the animals and zoo staff so they can't reproduce and / or bring in more animals.
Innocent civilians may be shot during this effort, but they'll thank us later. For killing the bears, I mean.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Xaven

A big, topless, hairy, 90s, hairy, button-nosed, creepy, old child molester. Just you try and tell me that's not scary. ;__;

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What aspect of Smokey's design says "90s" to you? He's not even wearing Rollerblades or drinking Go-Gurt.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kawaii Ryûkishi

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Xaven

A big, topless, hairy, 90s, hairy, button-nosed, creepy, old child molester. Just you try and tell me that's not scary. ;__;

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What aspect of Smokey's design says "90s" to you? He's not even wearing Rollerblades or drinking Go-Gurt.

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He does have the shirt-off-beer-bellied-beat-yo-wife look to him though. Must be from wisconsin.

I prefer Smackey the Frog, personally....