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Once this dude decided to paint the letter S all over his race car.
When his friends asked, "Dude, why?"
He replied, "Because when I drive by, I want people to say, 'Look at that S Car Go!'"
Get it? S Car Go. Escargo. I'm funnier than a boot to the head, eh?
Are you?
I heard a good Yo Mama joke the other day. Even though I hate Yo Mama jokes I thought it was pretty good.
Yo' Mama's so old she was waiting tables at the Last Supper.
Made me laugh.
Why did the Chicken cross the road? :confused:Quote:
Originally Posted by Martyr
So he could use his AK-47 Assault Rifle to pump Martyr full o' lead :shoot:
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He, he, he! I am funny! :chuckle:
What's black and loud?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
No, no, no! It wasn't "this dude," it was a snail! How the hell is it funny unless its a snail?Quote:
Originally Posted by Martyr
Anyway:
Sherlock Holmes seems really smart, but a lot of the stuff he knows is, in his own words, "elementary."
Hot dogs must be pretty popular in San Francisco.
I'm as sharp as a lightbulb and bright as a whip.
The difference between boys and girls: boys play tag, girls play tag sale.
Evolution is wrong. No way we evolved from monkeys, they evolved from us!
Mary stole the sheep from Little Bo Peep.
Here's a random one from my big book of jokes:
Three Australians - Bruce, Bill and Herbie - were sitting in a bar in the Outback. Bruce and Bill were easy-going guys, but Herbie had a speech impediment which made him bad-tempered. As they were drinking, who should walk in but Red Adair, the famous oil well firefighter!
Bruce recognized him immediately. "Look," he said. "It's Red Adair."
"Yeah, that's right," agreed Bill.
"No way," barked Herbie "That's not Red Adair."
"Trust me," insisted Bruce. "It is."
"Sorry, Herbie," said Bill. "But I'm with Bruce on this one. It is Red Adair."
"No it's not," said Herbie, becoming more aggressive by the minute.
"It is Red Adair," said Bruce.
"Yeah, it is," echoed Bill.
Herbie slammed his fist down on the table. "No, it's not. I'm telling you, I know what Red Adair looks like. I've seen every picture he made with Ginger Rogers."
A series of music jokes:
A guy goes to a phsychiartist and says
"doctor i feel like a guitar"
and the psychiartrist says
"theres no need to fret"
what do you call 2 hyrdroxides that like music?
Double Bass
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat Minor
How do you make a guitarist scream?
tighten thier g string
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Simple. Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame unique rabbit?
Tame way! Unique up on it.
What does an eskimo get from sitting on an iceberg all day?
Polaroids.
I didn't get any of those jokes... ¬_¬
Q. Why did the bird fly into the tree?
A. Because he was blind.
So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"
I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End'
I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue, and I couldn't put
it down.
I phoned the local ramblers club today, and this bloke just went on and
on.
This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin
paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."
So this lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins.
It was a turtle disaster.
A man from Cincinnati died and went to Hell. As the Devil walked around one day he ran into the man wearing a huge smile on his face and asked, "Why are you wearing a t-shirt and that stupid smile? This is Hell, you're supposed to be hot and miserable down here!"
The man replied, "Ah, Hell ain't that bad. I'm from Cincinnati. The summer sun up there is really scorching. This is nothing by comparison."
The Devil walked away puzzled thinking to himself, "I'll fix this." So the Devil goes to the furnace and turns it up to 'high.' A few days later the Devil finds the man from Cincinnati standing around with his shirt off but still with a smile on his face.
"What's wrong with you!" The Devil says. "Aren't you hot yet?"
"Nah," says the man, "This reminds me of the days in my youth when I used to work in the field with my brother harvesting corn. Thanks for reminding me, I hadn't thought about him in a long time!"
That really ticks off the Devil. "I'll make him miserable one way or another," he thinks. So he goes to the furnace and turns it off, and decides to turn on the Air Conditioner to 'MAX.' A few days later he tracks down the man from Cincinnati, which turned out not to be all that hard to do because he was jumping and screaming like mad. The Devil in his sinister way walks up to the man. "Hehehehe! You're miserable now aren't you!" he cackles.
"Hell no!" says the man. "I've never been happier! THE BENGALS WON THE SUPER BOWL!"
why did the chicken cross the road
to get to the other side :eep:
i sometimes find that funny, i have to be in the right mood, im not, but the shear dumbness of that joke is enough to make me laugh
Did you hear about the person suffering from cancer?
He died.
Anti-joke, har.
How many Martyrs does it take to kill an Old Manus?
AnswerNone, Christmas already killed him.