Monkeys Paw round 3.

Granted. Curious George is now your nephew. Good luck with that.

I wish I had no heart and ran on batteries.

Granted. Nickel-cadmium.

I wish I hadn't eaten that burrito.

Granted, but you're now starving, and some other person ate that burrito and died, choking on their own vomit.

I wish my essay was finished

Granted! The part you didn't write is liberally peppered with the N word.

I wish for a Muse of fire, that would ascend
The brightest heaven of invention,
A kingdom for a stage, princes to act
And monarchs to behold the swelling scene!

You get a paltry YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDZXekgovuY

I wish all airplanes were the color orange.

Granted! But you go blind just before it happens so you never get to admire your work.

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her, I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat, and a '64 Impala.

You grow 1mm taller. Whenever you speak to your girl (who had a sex change and is unable to have sexual intercourse) who looks good you can only speak in obscenity-laced turrets. The rabbit lives in your hat and always chases you around with its baseball bat, knee-capping you whenever possible. Your '64 Impala is the skeleton of an impala that was born in 1964.

But because it's 12/12/12 you can be a straight-up baller. :)

I wish I could run faster.

Granted, but you run so fast and often that you've forgotten how to walk!



I wish I had a delicious sushi roll delivered to me right now.

Granted, it is delivered to you by a cannibal giant.

I wish I had Cheetos.

Granted. The Cheetos mascot arrives and tells you to "eat him."

I wish for my fifteen minutes of fame.

Granted. Everyone in the world learns of your existence for exactly fifteen minutes, then promptly forgets about you and is never able to remember you again, even if they meet you. Also your legs fall off.

I wish I could turn water into vodka.

Granted. The water in your blood becomes vodka and you die of alcohol poisoning.

I wish to unlock the ultimate potential of a human brain.

http://www.omsusa.org/outside%20view.jpg

Granted. Then you die of a brain aneurysm.

I wish I was drunk and partying it up with my friends.

Granted. You get so drunk you somehow end up having sex with yourself and have to take the walk of shame from your own place.

I wish to have the brain with its unlocked potential surgically replace my own and be resurrected by Victor Frankenstein (the brain's unlocked potential means I won't wander around like an idiot like Victor's original monster)

Granted. You die again shortly after surgery from anesthesia-related complications.

I wish turtles could fly.