The Journal Thread (October)

Just found out this forum existed. This month was filled with both uncertainty, and a lessened state of uncertainty.

I broke up with my GF shortly after the month began. It was difficult, because while she kissed me (I guess to make me feel better), she wouldn't two days later. I had no idea how she really felt, despite her telling me that she didn't want it to end this way (or whatever...she didn't say that, but she didn't want it to be like this. It's not something I can phrase).

So there were weeks where I tried to be friendly, but at the end of the week my 'rebound' state of mentality got to me and I told her bluntly that I needed time off. I signed off aim and icq, and ambitioned to leave for a month at least.

At the end of the weekend I returned, and by then my ex was so upset that she gave me some sort of 'hmph' version of silent treatment. Like she would talk to me, but not very well. She eventually told me that she didn't like it when I left, and that she was worried about me. We became friends again, and I had no problem chatting with her.

That is until I visited. It quickly became one of those weekend retreat thingies, if you know what I mean. I couldn't get away with much outside of the bedroom, but it was almost as if we were together again....at least the intimacy part. I almost got lost in the moment; completely forgot that we weren't together.

Now we're just chilling. It's all good.

Music - Creed - Little Sister
Mood - GREAT!

What a great night last night. Robin invited me to that party and I had a hell of a good time, met lots of great people, was invited to another party in November and...there was one other thing....hmm....oh ya! My first kiss ever! (As well as several others!) Oh was that ever great, all that depression, anger and other unpleasant stuff was suddendly washed away. Good thing I changed my mind and decided to go to the party - had I not I would not have met Shin Ae and would probably be sitting here feeling down like I had been so many other days.

Funny how life can be, things can seem to not have any end in sight and everything can be building up so that you can't handle it and this sort of thing happens and everything seems to look better. Fun fun.

Well, looks like the game between the Leafs and Canadians is starting soon - GO LEAFS GO!

Ciao

And this makes 3 journals, all on the net, all were ppl can see them.....
.......natch! >.O
Oh well, like anyone would be daft enough to want to read my life XD
I feel better today, a bit anyway
I also feel like I am getting less and less attached to life, more now, I find myself annalysing things that I often took for granted
I also find myself volunteering information to certain ppl, even when I felt I never would
Its kind of scary to realise I trust certain individuals that greatly..
Actually.. no its not.. but it is.. ack
*shoots instincts*
^^ hmph! yes it IS!
I feel more of a comedian these days too
I find myself cheering ppl up a lot, even ppl i dont really know, much to my suprise
Dads out
Go to karate.. stay in.. go to karate.. stay in...
Stay in *nods*
I'll go on Tuesday
I wont get in for Christmas gradings now anyway
*snaps wrist*
Must stop doing that.. But it helps me think.. dam..
I feel so unimportant right now
Like everyone around me dosent really see me
I feel.. like a little dot at the end of a sentance, unnoticed, but still there
I feel
Like ending it all? No.. not yet.. I guess I just want some action, something to happen. Something exciting to get me thinking again
I got added to a conv with all the other ppl of a different forum last night, I was happy, til i realised it was all in-jokes i didnt understand..
nOObness... _-_
At least I still have friends, and sometimes ppl i dont expect it from
DT is still a really close friend to me, which makes me very happy ^^
Oh well
Enough of this, I should go.. do.. something.. or.. yeah, I cant write much here yet, cos I'm not confident enough, ppl tend to read the post of ppl new to journals so I'll leave all the important stuff til no-ones looking!

~Celeste

Darn! :useswordsthatcanttype: WHY?All I everwanted was to learn cant take that from me can you?that too ? arrgh! I want my frelling subjets ahhh!:punches wall: ow






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