I like how I jump between tenses. It totally adds character, dude.
MILF made me faint from 500 yards with those eyebrows.
I'd like to see VTG. Chicks would dig his rebellious attitude. They'd be all "oh hi, nice shirt." and he'd go "Yeah. Cheers." and play hard to get. The girls would then proceed to weep, but not out of their eyes, and VTG would get repeatedly laid.
In the morning, he'd turn over with a smug grin on his face, and then leap out of bed screaming "WHAT THE HELL, DAN???" because he is on first name terms with Spoony BarD, who had "seduced" him with rohypnol.
BarD would be all "Come on, maaan! You enjoyed it as much as I did!", to which VTG would concede defeat, and they would make love again. During this love-making session, smittenkitten would walk in and drop to her knees, crying "Oh God....I thought he was over this...." repeatedly into her hands. BarD would hear her, feel guilty, rush over to her and comfort her. She'd realise that she was totally smitten again, and would accept when BarD suggested a threesome.
Little did they know, but Rantzien was sitting on a rooftop across the ravine, video taping the whole thing with his super duper video zoom thing. After the whole thing had finished and the three lovers were showering (together of course), Rantzien would leap down to the nearest porn manufacturers (Roto13's Jolly Minstrels Inc.) and sell the video for £96,025.63. He then would buy a new car and use it to impress me.
Roto13 would become rich from this exceptional video, and would marvel at the close-ups Rantzien had managed to achieve from a whole mile away. The video would be broadcast worldwide, and it would become un-pornoed and allowed onto daytime television every Wednesday at 13.00, on ITV1, thus replacing Loose Women. The show would be called "Loose Woman", and people would tune in just to see BarD's incredible sex skills .The video would be shown in sex ed. classes everywhere, and would get to No. 1 in the Download, Album, and Singles Charts for 3 years.
However, Spoony BarD, smittenkitten, and VTG would get no money whatsoever. All they would gain from this is everlasting love and eternal happiness. Until VTG realises Spoony BarD is staff. Then he would kill him, and smittenkitten would spend the next 4 years trying to find a replacement. This replacement would come in the form of Alive-Man but that, my friends, is a completely different story.
